


Chasing Moonbeams

by SkyeDreamer223



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: AU- astronomy, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Astronomy, Awkwardness Abounds, Background GingerRose, Ben doesn't die, Ben is awkward, Ben likes the word ejacta, F/M, Fluff, Han dies, Happy Ending, Online shenagnians, Professor Ben Solo, Redeemed Ben, TROS ate my soul, Texting, The reveal is finally here, author is saltier than the dead sea, clean fic, dealing with grief, rey is awkward, script flips, this is my coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 68,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21976537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyeDreamer223/pseuds/SkyeDreamer223
Summary: Ben is a professor of Astronomy in Boulder, CO. Rey is a graduate student in the Engineering program in Jacksonville, FL. They meet at a Star Party hosted by Rey’s college. Rey embarks on a journey of self discovery, encouraged by Ben Kenobi. Ben learns to deal with grief and reconciles with his family. They both will grow together through online shenanigans and misunderstandings, as they search for belonging and purpose.Featuring: star-gazing in the bed of his truck, NASA’s fancy gala, really bad flirting, an amazing used bookstore, Ben’s stolen hoodie, and Mama Leia’s sass.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 111
Kudos: 107





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am a space nerd and LOVE astronomy. I own two different telescopes, a reflector and a refractor. One of my favorite things to do is to showing people the amazing things in the skies above us. I'll be posting links at the end of each chapter of those who are interested in learning more about astronomy. Please ask me questions if you have them. I love talking about the amazing hidden treasures our universe has for us to find. 
> 
> I had been chewing on a romantic storyline involving telescopes for several years before I got into the Reylo fandom. Then PenofaPolski basically strong armed me into writing with her for NaNoWriMo. Combine Reylo with astronomy? YES PLEASE! So with no experience with creative writing whatsoever, I set out on a crazy month long venture with her and this was the result. 
> 
> I had planned to start posting it after NaNoEdMo in January, but I needed something to distract me from the angst that was rotting my soul from TROS. I have everything written except the last few chapters. I hope to update at least once a week. 
> 
> I want to give a huge shout out to my betas: My SIL, BasicAlliments and my friend, PenofaPolski. You guys are amazing. And my aesthetic.

Having wiped down the last counter in the commercial kitchen at her university, Rey tossed the soiled rag into its designated pail and headed to the locker room. Her tired muscles screamed a protest as she stretched her arms.

Rey dug her messenger bag out of one if the lockers in the back and swung it over her neck, attempting to be kind to the sore shoulders. Heavy with two different novels and three journals, the strap dug painfully into the unfortunate shoulder.She turned the lights out, pushed the heavy door open with both hands, and headed out into the warm air of late summer in Florida.

Heading back towards her dorm, Rey stilled to observe the bustle of activity before her. Eyes seeing a plenitude of telescopes; ears hearing a cacophony of excited voices.

Her only intention in attending the astronomy department’s Star Party had been to check off some of her required community service hours. She had labored in the kitchen and missed all of the events of the evening, which didn’t bother her. Rey couldn’t care less about stars and astronomy, but she would rather do just about anything than returning to the barren silence of her white-walled dorm room.

Walking into the fray of people, she first approaches an old man, who was sitting in a lawn chair next to a telescope.

“Would you like to take a look at our moon, young lady?” He asked her, his kind eyes shining.

Rey stepped up to the telescope after answering in the affirmative. It’s just the moon. It'll be white and circular, just bigger in the telescope.

“Oh, my God! Look at all the craters!” The details of the surface of the moon astounded her: craters and valleys, mountain peaks and differently shaded streaks. The details were so overwhelming, her mind became dazed. A large meteor impact site and the streaks of debris left in the wake of its destruction drew her attention. “What is that big crater and the streaks shooting out of it?” Dark shadows detailed a mountain range followed by smooth white expanses marking dried lake beds. “I can’t believe all of this!” She knew she was babbling unintelligibly.

The forgotten man chuckled from behind her, “I can always tell when it’s someone’s first time seeing the moon through a telescope; their reactions are almost always the same.” A wistful sigh escaped him as he gazes toward the moon in wonder. “Amazing isn’t it? And just think it’s all been there your whole life, just waiting for you to notice it.”

Rey tore her eyes away from the lens to look back at him, stupefied. She never thought she could in any way resemble the moon.

Waiting to be noticed.

Waiting to be found.

Waiting.

She turned back to the lens. She sensed someone else walk up behind her to look through the telescope. She ought to let them have a turn to look, but she really just wanted to be selfish for once. “Seriously, though. What are the names of these things? The mountain? That big crater at the top? They must all have names.” Even she has a name. Though overlooked and ignored, she still had a name, so must the moon and its features.

“What’s the moon’s name?” She asked. She knew it was probably just ‘moon’ but it just felt wrong., like there must be more to it than that. 

“Luna.” A deep voice, not the old man, answered her. Without moving, Rey glanced up, over the top of the telescope, toward the voice. Her eyes met his.

The baritone-voiced man’s dark hair was swayed softly as he gazed around her. It was long enough to run her fingers through it, but not long enough to reach his shoulders. Her fingers twitched, desiring to trace over his large masculine features that adorn his face. His face was lit, ironically, by the darkest brown eyes. His expressive eyes seemed to communicate more than his words.

“Our moon’s name is Luna.” He repeated, as though he needed to clarify. “And you were asking about the names of the features… mountain ranges, craters… I have a map, I’d be happy to show you while you let someone else look.”

And she just stared at him.

Like an idiot.

Because that’s what she was.

An idiot.

He waved his hand to her in invitation to follow. She belated realizes it’s to get her away from the telescope so others can see. It wasn’t a romantic gesture, to Rey’s disappointment.

Because she’s an idiot.

“Okay,” Rey followed behind him while berating herself for her awkwardness.

Having reached a table full of books and papers in disarray,the raven-haired man proceeded to fish around for the map. Finally having located it, He turned abruptly to her. When he spoke, his tone was one of disinterest.

“Okay, so let’s start with the most noticeable features first and then go from there. That large crater at the bottom with the streaks coming out of-”

“The top, you mean.” She interrupted him, which was rude. She knew better, but it was a bad habit of hers, particularly while nervous or excited. And she was both nervous and excited. Rey bit her lip, doling out a rebuke to herself.  _ Don’t be an idiot. _

His exasperated sigh drew her attention and she caught him as he rolled his eyes. “It’s actually at the bottom. But I shouldn’t have expected you to know that. That was obviously your first time even looking in a telescope, much less understanding how they work.”

Did he just slap her in the face? She feels like she was slapped in the face. If condescension could take on a physical manifestation, it would be this man. She could never deny how handsome he was. She also could not deny that he was a jerk. 

Rey grits her teeth and fails at her attempt to not brood. She had been excited to learn about something new. Something that called to her. Something that had waited for her to find it like she had been waiting to be found. Something that felt like it should be hers. She let out a sigh of disappointment. She didn’t have the emotional energy saved up in her mental health bank for this withdrawal. She can learn on her own or from someone else. Having resolved her inner conflict, she found her voice.

“I’m sorry. Actually I need to go. I remember I have something else to take care of. Thank you for offering to show me, but I’m pretty sure you just wanted to get me away from the telescope so others could have a turn. I shouldn’t have been selfishly hogging it anyway. It was rude of me. I’m sure you’re busy with other things.”  _ Quit babbling and get out of there already _ , she scolded herself. 

Rey looks at the stunned expression on the man’s face. The previous disinterest has been evicted and his features have softened. He looks contrite and Rey has always been a sucker when it came to other people’s emotions.

From deep within her she digs and unearths a friendly smile. Maybe this man has had a crappy day and a crappy life. Maybe he needs a little kindness and mercy, even if he hasn't treated her in a way that demonstrates his deserving of it. What one needs and what one deserves are often different. Rey has always been a believer in fate and karma. What goes around comes around. Rey will always want someone in her corner, and so she will always try her hardest to stand in someone else’s corner. Whether or not they deserve it. Noone is perfect.

“I appreciate you trying to lure me away without embarrassing me. Things are really busy around here and I’m sure you have more pressing matters to attend to. I hope you have a good night.” She paused to soak in the buzz of energy and enthusiasm from the crowds, letting herself drown in it momentarily. “Tonight’s definitely been a success judging by how many people are still here and how engaged everyone is. I don’t know your role in tonight’s event, I was just volunteering in the kitchen all night to earn some community service hours, but whoever is responsible for tonight certainly deserves to be commended.” When she looked back at him, his jaw was slack leaving his lips parted slightly. He must not be accustomed to receiving mercy in response to his dismissive attitude.

“I… I…” The man stammered, seemingly lost for words. His face was softened and his voice was void of condescension. “Forgive me.” There was an abrupt shift in his tone, from annoyed indifference to attentive interest. “I can show you more of the moon and help you learn the names of its features. The large crater is Tycho. And the streaks of debris are actually called crater rays.” He looks down at the map in his hands and his hair falls into his face. He jerks his head to flip it out of the way, not pausing once in his monologue. “The matter that creates them is known as ejecta. When the meteorite hits, it’s impact will eject parts of the surface outward in rays. That’s why it’s called ejecta. The ejecta is actually the moon’s surface sprayed about, not the properties of the meteor. But they are called crater rays-” His tone was clipped at the end and stares down at his feet, like he was embarrassed.

Rey’s mind blanked at “ejecta.” She understood his embarrassment. She ought to take pity on the poor guy, but all she managed to do is stare at him and blink. If this had been cartoon, it would have been audible, like Spongebob.

****

He was babbling. So taken aback by her kindness despite his insulting demeanor and tone, he had just wanted to give her what she wanted: information. He had word-vomited all over her. And said ‘ejecta’ several times. And said that the ejecta sprayed. What was wrong with him? What would his mother think? Ben clenched his jaw in frustration and huffed air out his nose. If only he would get it together. She was so beautiful and she’s been kind to him when he had just been a complete jerk to her. She deserved better. He wanted to give her better.

He raked his hand through his hair with a deep sigh, a sad attempt to collect himself. While looking around for a solution, he saw one of the volunteers struggling with adjusting a telescope- probably trying in vain to find a deep space messier object. The noob’s pathetic attempts were futile with this amount of light pollution. He didn’t even have the proper instrumentation. What a noob. Nevertheless, the man’s lack of training will be Ben’s salvation. Ben rubbed his fingers together as a plan formed in his mind. A vague plan, but a plan still. 

“Here… You can leave your bag behind this table. It’ll be safe. I’m gonna get you another look at the moon.” He gestured to the messy table, overflowing with pamphlets, booklets, and other various astronomical educational propaganda. What a mess. Who was responsible for this? They need to be set straight. Ben hoped that she would trust him. He studied her face once more, trying to read her. 

The girl lifted her bag over her head to hand it to him and her shirt rode up. Ben caught a glimpse of gently tanned skin- skin he longed to touch. Ben stepped closer to her, his eyes locked on hers. Her eyes were ablaze with hazel color and dreamy interest. So he wasn’t the only one feeling this tug. 

Ben dropped his gaze down to the bag in her hands. She extended the bag to him and he took advantage of the situation. He wanted to touch her and touch her he will. He brushed the back of her hand with fingers when he took the bag from her. He carefully looked in her eyes to gauge her reaction to him and saw she was not repulsed by his touch. His skin prickled at the contact and he choked down a strange desire for more contact with her. 

As he tucked away her bag, he organized his thoughts. She was beautiful. She had been so forgiving when he had been so dismissive. She lived in sweltering Florida though. Who would want a long distance relationship, much less with the obligation of visiting somewhere so humid and miserable? But there was still something about her. Something that he couldn’t dismiss no matter how much logic commanded him to do so.

He suddenly felt very hot, whether it was actually the weather or an inward heat born of the friction between his heart and mind, he was uncertain. Being from Colorado, he always carried his jacket. He had worn it tonight in case the University lecture hall was chilly. Not wanting to risk losing it, he had just continued to wear it despite the heat. But now wearing it was stifling. After securing her bag, he pulled his jacket off and laid it over her bag to keep it hidden, further protecting her belongings.

He stood, returning to his full height, and looked down at her. She was so small compared to him. Ben decided at that moment that he liked shorter women. It called to some primal part of him, beckoning him to protect her.

Thankfully she nodded and followed. His ear caught the soft ring of her voiced “okay” and his chest tightened slightly at the music of her voice. He had never allowed himself to appreciate such meticulous details of a woman before.

The girl trailed behind him as he approached the struggling amateur astronomer, “Hey. Mind if I take over for a minute? I want to show this young lady something special. Maybe grab yourself a coffee over there and take a break? Tell them Ben Solo sent you for it and it’ll be on the house.”

The young man stumbled as he recognized who was addressing him. His eyes widened before he nodded too exurborately to be normal. “Sure thing. Thanks. I’ll be happy to let you use my personal scope, Mr. Solo!” He had admiration in his voice. Ben cringed at the attention. The amatuer slowly backed away while beaming at him and then turned to head to the coffee bar. That went smoother than he expected.

Ben looked at the girl again and noticed she had freckles. He didn’t know he liked freckles until now. “He’s part of the local astronomy group, NEFAS I believe they call themselves. They bring their scopes and volunteer their time at community educational events such as this. If astronomy becomes an interest of yours, you should consider joining them.” He turned the scope towards the moon, but then noticed the axes weren’t aligned properly. That further explained the amateur's problems.

Ben unbuttoned the sleeves of his dress shirt and rolled them up. The air was so humid and the breeze was nonexistent. Who would choose to live here? It felt like he was being licked by a yak. He wiped his forehead with his arm before he reached down and hoisted the telescope off the ground. Ben spun and set it down again. Not that the front tripod leg faced the general direction of North, he all that was left would be to fine tune it with a compass. Ben pulled out his phone for the task.

“What are you doing?”

Ben doesn't even know her name. “I’m aligning the telescope. You can’t just set a telescope down however and use it. It’s an actual skill, you have to be trained if you want to do it successfully.” He shifted the tripod back and forth until the front foot was facing exactly north. “The earth rotates on an axis. Most people know this, but they don’t know how that relates to what they see in the sky and how the stars move. This is an equatorial mount. If set up properly in relation to the latitude of your position on globe and aligned properly to the north star, you can track an object easily as it moves across the night sky. Instead of manning two axis, you can just slowly turn one. It allows you to keep track of the object. You can even get a motorized mount that will track for you so you can view it without any interruption and even photograph the item you’re looking at.”

And he had word-vomited.

Again.

“Sorry. That was probably too much too fast, Miss… I don’t know what to call you. I didn’t get your name earlier.” He braved a look up at her, meeting her eyes once again. Her hazel eyes were flecked with specks of gold and green. She wasn’t wearing any make-up. She didn’t need any make-up. Her face was alive and expressive and there was beauty in the rawness.

“Rey.” She answered him with a small smile. He tried not to look at her lips but he couldn’t help himself. Ben had never before cared about the different shades of the colors, particularly that of the color pink, never took notice of any of its hues, until that moment. He had now. Moreover, he now had a favorite shade of pink: the color of her mouth.

After realizing that he was staring at her mouth like a weirdo, he quickly looked away. Heat flooded his face. He studied the grass on the ground, hoping she didn’t notice the lingering of his gaze. After a huff, he chanced a look at her face once more to gauge the damage. To his relief, she was smiling at him, her features soft, her demeanor open.

His lunged rejoiced when he finally took a deep breath. He hadn’t scared her off, surprisingly. How is that even possible? Ben’s mouth stretched wide into a smile. It was an unusual feeling. He felt light. Hopeful. 

“Rey.” He repeated her name to her and watched her nod in confirmation. Her eyes moved to the telescope and reminded him to refocus. Remembering what he was  _ supposed _ to be doing. Ben returned his attention to it and tried to find a better way to explain telescope alignment while he held the compass up to the telescope.

“The mount of this telescope is designed so you can easily follow an object that you’re looking at by only adjusting one knob. It doesn’t look like it to us, but the sky moves pretty fast when you’re zoomed this much.” He made the final adjustment to perfectly align the front leg of the tripod with the north pole. “I have this front leg pointing perfectly north. Now I have to check the latitude settings.” He clicked around on his phone once again and checked the GPS coordinates. Checking the knob at the base of the axes, he confirmed it to be correct.

“Wait,” Rey stopped him. “You mean if I have a telescope here set up, but travel somewhere else, I have to readjust it?”

“Not Necessarily.” Ben was happy to explain. He usually wasn’t this patient with others, but with her, it was easy. “Only if you have traveled far enough north or south that you are in a different latitude degree. East or west doesn’t make any difference.”

“Hmm” She replied in understanding.

He swung the telescope around and aimed it in the general direction of the moon. “Let’s hope the owner at least aligned his star finder.” He crouched down to look through the star finder, centered it on the moon, and then moved to look through the scope. “Oh, can you believe it? Good luck at last. He did have it aligned.” 

****

Rey watched as he adjusted the telescope. His large hands moved intentionally and skillfully over the knobs. This really was a skill. She was fascinated by him and lost her herself watching him work. He was so tall and so handsome. And so nerdy. Rey rested her hand against her face, trying to hold in the swoon.

“I’ve almost got it ready, just need to fine tune its location in the eye piece and adjust the focus for you.” The baritone of his voice rumbled and Rey felt it more than heard it. She reflexively closed her eyes to absorb every wave of vibration. She shuddered slightly at the foreign sensations it created in her body. Tall, handsome, nerdy, and a deep voice. Was this man even real? She prayed silently and earnestly that he was single. Single and interested. And that she wouldn’t blow it.

She took a moment to really observe him as he readjusted the telescope to show her the moon. He was wearing black slacks and a dark grey dress shirt. His shoulders were broad, but with the cardigan out of the way, his waist was revealed to be trim. He was tall, at least a full head above her. Her eyes lingered on the toned definitions of his forearms. She felt her mouth go dry and she bit the inside of her mouth to get to snap herself out of it. Then she made the critical mistake of observing his hands as they moved about the instrumentation. And Rey might die. His hands were large and the veins in them were slightly raised giving them texture and definition. 

“It’s ready now.” Startled by his voice, Rey looked up and realized he probably had caught her staring. Rey clenched her jaw in embarrassment and rubbed her face, trying to chase away her lust-induced haze. And embarrassment. She was terrible at this romance, flirting, being attractive stuff. 

The tall, dark, and handsome man had begun pontificating again while Rey stepped up to the telescope and looked once again at the moon. She chewed her lip, trying to recover from her embarrassment while listening to him talk. She at least was able to catch the last part of what he was telling her.

“-Telescope flips the image around a bit so the large crater, Tycho, and it’s crater rays look like they are toward the top, but if you look at the moon with your eyes, you can see they are actually toward the bottom.” At least she won’t look  _ that _ stupid; she was able to follow some of it. Rey compared the image in the lens to the moon hanging in the sky as she toggled her vision between the two.

“I see what you mean. How interesting. Is it this way with all telescopes?” Her eyes roamed around the moon to observe other features on the surface. So many craters. So much detail.

“No. This is a reflector and uses mirrors so the length of the telescope is shorter. A refractor just uses two lenses, there’s no mirrors, just the lens at the end of the telescope and the eyes piece, so it doesn’t flip it around as much.” His deep voice was soothing and relaxing. She could listen to him talk about anything. It wouldn’t matter what he talked about, his voice just calmed something inside of her: like parched ground anticipating and welcoming the distance rumble of a long-awaited thunderstorm.

“What else can you show me?” Her question was met with silence. She looked back and caught him staring at her with an odd expression on his face before he startled slightly.

“I’m sorry. What?”

“What else can you show me?” Rey repeated for him.

A smirk appeared on his face. Just one side of his mouth, barely stretching itself upward. He closed his eyes for a moment, as though gathering himself. Then he mumbled something Rey can't distinguish.

“What?”

“Sorry.” He apologized while he walked up to her. He was so close, she could smell him. Her senses were heightened, hair standing on end. She imagined she could feel heat radiating off his body. He was so close, there was less than a foot between him. He lowered his head toward her and some of his hair fell into his face. “Let me show you.” His voice rumbled near her ear. Rey resisted the urge to touch his hair. It was shiny and looked so soft. 

One of his hands landed on her elbow, pulling her closer, turning her around, and repositioning her in front of him slightly. His other hand pointed to something obscure in the the black heavens. “That star there? It isn’t a star. It’s Saturn.”

“I don’t know what you’re pointing at exactly.” Rey admitted sheepishly.

“Here.” His voice rumbled once again near her ear. Rey closed her eyes and held her breath, trying to gain control of herself. His face lowered to hers. If she turned in the slightest, her nose would graze his cheek. Gathering herself together, she looked where he was pointing. “It’s the star that isn’t twinkling.” His deep voice washed over her again. She struggled to think about what he was asking her so she could respond. She blinked several times and looked where he was pointing. She spotted the unblinking star.

“Oh, I see which one you’re talking about. Planets don’t twinkle?” He straightens to his full height, pulling his face away from hers. Rey felt deprived of him just from the small amount of distance he put between them. She wanted him close.

“No. That answer is a little complicated. But to simplify it, planets are closer and so the light coming into the atmosphere is larger. Several wavelengths of light are coming into our atmosphere. Stars are so far away that the light is like a pinpoint, only one wavelength thick. So the atmosphere distorts the single lightwave, making them flicker or twinkle.” 

He was still standing close to her, even though he had returned to his full height. She resisted the temptation to lean back into him. Instead, Rey just closed her eyes and indulged herself for a moment, imagining what it would be like to be in his arms. 

“Hey! Professor Solo!” Ben and Rey both turned to see who it was interrupting them. 

Rey didn’t know him, but she hated him: The Killer of Romantic Tension. The Assassin of Flirtation. Rey hoped that he wasn’t going to end this for her. It was a representative from the Unversity’s Astronomy Department, if his name tag was any indication. The representative jogged up to them, panting. “Professor, I was told that you have the laser. I want to explain the ecliptic plane to a group of visitors.”

Ben, looking sheepish, reached into his pocket and pulled out a long, black cylinder that must be the requested laser. Handing it over, he instructed, “You know the regulations around this thing. Make sure it gets turned back in to me.”

Rey watched the young man retreat and join his friends. She can't hear much of what he is telling them, but he activated the laser and was able to very easily pinpoint exact locations of objects in the sky to the crowd. He even identified Saturn with it.

Rey’s forehead crinkled as she processed exactly what had happened. If  _ he _ had wanted to point out a specific star to her, he could have easily pulled out the stargazing laser. Did he just use the planet as an excuse to be close to her and intentionally not use the laser to which he had such easy access?

Rey slows returned her attention back to Ben. When their eyes met, his face was flushed, the red traveling down his neck and disappearing below his collar. The man was visibly distraught. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration, then busied himself with the telescope once again.

So he  _ had _ just wanted to be close to her. He could have used the laser to point to Saturn. He used Saturn to get close to her. He must be interested in her, and interested in her like  _ that _ .

Rey watched him for another moment. His jaw was clenched, his motions were jerky and urgent, his pale neck and face were flushed. It’s also obvious he was avoiding her eyes. He knew that she knew and he's embarrassed. Rey needed to do something here. He made his intentions clear. She needed to either do the same or leave this poor man before it became unbearable for him.

“I have Saturn, if you want to look still,” his voice interrupted her reverie. She smiled at him and offered her thanks. Stepping up to the telescope, she held his eyes as long as possible.

“Thank you.” She told him softly, hoping that her tone would convey more to him than her words. Turning to the lens again, she saw it: Saturn.

There:

Hanging in the blackness of space and traveling across her eye piece with speed. “I’m about to lose it. It’s moving too fast.”

He grabbed her hand and she felt a knob under her palm. "Here’s the equatorial axis. Turn it to keep it in view." Adjusting the knob to recenter it in the lense, she was able to observe the planet more. There were lines of pale yellows and various shades of brown on the planet. It was encircled by similarly colored rings. The rings were titled down from the planet and she saw a small star by the planet. She could hardly breathe, it was so beautiful.

“I…” She tried to explain what she was seeing and feeling, but cannot form words. “All this…. It’s been there for me my entire life, I’ve just never noticed it before.” His hand on hers helped her turn the knob of the axis, realigning it once more to keep it in view. “The star next to Saturn here, it isn't a star, is it?”

“No. That’s very observant of you actually. That is one of Saturn’s moons.” His hand was still on her hand, holding the knob. He seemed to know just how fast it needed to be turned to keep Saturn in view. The heat of his hand scolded her skin. She turned her attention from the planet to look at their hands. His hand completely enveloped her own. She looked up, up into his face. His face was serious and his eyes were searching hers for a reaction. She smiled at him. Again, hoping with all hope that her smile will tell him what she was too afraid to commit to words. There was so much depth to his eyes. He seemed so knowledgeable and had found the planet Saturn so quickly. 

Rey knew there were many amazing things in outer space. Colorful nebulas and distant galaxies. He had probably seen them all. She wondered about him as her eyes studied his face and traced the patterns of freckles and moles which are scattered across it. She wanted to know everything about him. His interests. What made him tick. What he likes.

“What’s your favorite thing?” Her voice was huskier than she had anticipated. 

“What?” His forehead tightened slightly with confusion. 

“There are obviously a lot of things to see in the night sky. Things I probably have no idea even exist. What’s your favorite thing to look at in a telescope?”

He smirked again. Silence stretched itself wide between them. He was again searching her face.

“I think I like watching people see the moon or one of the planets for the first time. I have seen them hundreds of times so I am not as moved. Watching others react like that… It reminds me of the magic of it all.”

Rey was surprised by his answer and realized that he must have been watching her while she was looking in the telescope. Without thinking, her eyes dropped down to his full lips. He ducked his head a little lower, dipping it towards her. Rey wondered if he might kiss her. She was surprised how much she hoped for it.

“Ben.” Someone else was interrupting them. Again. Can’t people notice a romantic moment when it’s in front of them and be considerate? “I hate to interrupt, but there’s a serious situation we need you for.”

“I’m sorry. I have to take care of this.” Rey blinked herself back into reality and wondered what his role at this Star Party event was that he would be at everyone's beck and call.

Ben hesitated before stepping away, removing his hand from hers. “It was nice to meet you...” Holding her gaze one last time, he said her name like a prayer. “...Rey.”

She licked her lips, trying to think of a way to express herself to him. To tell him what she's feeling and thinking. But it was too risky. She didn’t know him. She deflated slightly and settled on something benign. “Thank you. This… this was amazing.” And she watched him nod, with a soft, sad smile.

And then she watched him walk away from her. As she watched him, she imagined him turning back to her, asking for her number. Asking to meet her again. Asking her for more.

But he did what everyone else in her life had done to her.

He left her. 

Rey turned back to the telescope to overthink everything that had happened. Her habit of overthinking things was her favorite past time. She remembered the looks they had exchanged and the feelings his proximity had induced in her. He had seemed just as interested and intraced with her as she had been with him. He even used the “look at that star” trope on her when he could have just used the blasted laser. She must have read something into this. Or he hadn’t thought she was worth more than a few entertaining moments at an otherwise boring educational venture.

Why would she even think that he would kiss her? Rey chewed her lip again in chagrin. She rolled her neck and straightened her shoulders. Time to get back to reality and go home. She made her way through the crowds back to the messy booth where her bag was hidden. 

Under the table, there were boxes full of more paper and a collection of backpacks and bags. She didn’t spot hers right away and had to swallow down the panic. After shifting several boxes around, she noticed the familiar strap of her bag peeking out from under a black sweater. She grasped the garment and rubbed the textured knit in her hand. In a moment of insanity she raised it to her face. It was so soft and it smelled like him. Rey chewed her lip as she warred with herself, a metaphorical angel and demon on each of her shoulders began to bicker.

_ Stealing is wrong.  _

_ No one will know it was you. _

_ It looks expensive. _

_ You can look up that telescope club thing he mentioned and give it back to him there.  _

Unfortunately for him, the demon won. Rey turned the sweater around to see that it was actually a cardigan. A hooded cardigan. It looked cozy and Rey needed some comfort. She pulled on over her shoulders and momentarily pretended it was him wrapped around her. She was such a foolish child. She took a deep breath to steadied herself. Pulling the bag over her shoulder, she scurried away from the event to the obscurity of her dorm room.

………

Ben felt helpless. He couldn’t neglect his duties here, but he was reluctant to leave Rey’s side while their connection was so fresh. He had never become so enamored with a woman so quickly and easily. Especially one he knew lived so far away from him. It was asinine. 

He never formed bonds with others this quickly. Some people struggle with rejection, having anxiety over the making of a bad first impression. Ben always welcomed rejection. Immediate rejection by others was his insurance against their betrayal or abandonment later.

He hadn’t cared about Rey’s first impression of him either. But something had changed after having witnessed her response to his self-sabotaged introduction. He had cared greatly about creating a connection to her after that.

“What is it, Mitaka, you can't find anyone else to both about the logistics of this event!?” Ben didn’t even try to hide his disdain and frustration, allowing it to leak into his tone.

With great foreboding, the messenger responded, “Sir, it isn’t about the event. It’s personal. You’ll want to wait until we’re in a secluded area before I tell you.”

“What?! This is ridiculous. You don’t get to decide that!” Ben roared, causing heads to turn as he followed Mitaka’s navigation through the crowds.

Ben trailed behind him, continuing his grumbling. The smaller man pivoted suddenly on his heel, spinning to meet Ben face-to-face. He quietly but pointedly ground out the crux of the emergency through his teeth. “Actually, Professor, it’s about your father. He may be dying. Your mother’s been calling your phone for hours and finally reached out to your colleagues to get a hold of you. He had a massive stroke earlier today and may not make it through the night.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben's sweater, cardigan, jacket thing:[here](https://www.shopdisney.com/kylo-ren-hooded-cardigan-for-adults-by-musterbrand-star-wars-3258058690829M.html)
> 
> This is where I learned about the different telescopes and how to use them. This guy is corny and awkward, but very knowledgable. Many times telescope/astronomy experts are so knowledgeable that they have a hard time breaking it down into simpler terms for someone new. This guys does an amazing job. [Eyes on the Sky Youtube Channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbr9IU92jSF_bbQgBTRK6nw)
> 
> If you learn to identify the ecliptic plane in the sky, you can easily find planets. It's so fun and easy to be able to spot them right away. It impresses people too. Here's how it works. [Video one](https://youtu.be/cOB7e6AlpfE) and [Video two](https://youtu.be/_UPdGkIrGAU)
> 
> Here's a fun little video about the stargazing laser I mentioned in this chapter. [Scott Manley's video "Can You See a Laser Pointer From the Space Station"](https://youtu.be/DCQ2CbfGs6g)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my mom, who is a retired nurse, for helping with the medical side of this this chapter! She has saved me from so many pointless ER visits with my kids, guys. Love you, mom!

Ben sat at the bedside of his ailing father. He had given up on the magazines and his phone was now dead. It was chilly in the hospital room. He looked around at the bland, white walls before running his hand through his hair again. He momentarily- and facetiously- considered stealing one of Han’s blankets off his bed since he left his hooded cardigan with the girl last night. He’s tired. 

After various and sundry tests and procedures, scares, and reliefs, his father was in serious but guarded condition. He had awoken a few times and talked briefly with Ben, usually the same barely distinguishable requests and slurred questions each time. It should have felt redundant, but Ben was just happy to have his father alive. 

Ben, having driven and flown through the night and morning, arrived at the hospital in time to hold his mother as she fell apart in relief when a doctor came out into the surgery waiting room with good news- Han made it through the surgery. They still don’t know the full extent of the brain damage. Moreover, of what brain damage they were aware, the permanency was still undetermined. 

Ben had sent his mother home to rest, promising to stay by Han’s side. He had diligently kept his vigil. He loved his father despite all they had endured. 

Ben and his father had their differences in the past. Most men and their fathers do. As Ben aged, it became easier to understand his father and see things from a different perspective. It probably also helped that Han laid off him a bit more after he left for college. 

Ben quietly moved the chair further towards the foot of the bed and leaned over to rest his arms on the bed, his head laid on his arms. He closed his eyes, seeking a few moments of relief from his exhaustion and unease. 

“‘Ay Boy.” His father's dry croaking summoned Ben out of his vain attempt at rest. 

“Hey Dad. How ya feeling?” Ben responded while sitting up, trying not to sound as tired as he felt.

“Ahh ‘ell ‘airable.” Han croaked out, slurring his words. 

“What?” 

“I. Feel. Terrible.” He paused between each word, Ben barely able to make out the meaning this time. 

“I bet you do. Want some ice chips or some water?” Ben stood and proactively reached for the bland pink plastic pitcher of water.

Han waved him off and turned his head away. Then he licked his lips. “Yeah, on secon’ ‘ought, Ah’ll ‘ake some.” He turned back to Ben and tried to sit up and accept the glass. 

“No.” Ben said sternly, laying a hand on father’s weakened shoulder. “Save your strength.”

Han gave him a look, then rolled his eyes. He sat there indignantly, facing forward for several moments, stewing in his stubbornness and refusing assistance. Ben stared him down, not removing the hand from his shoulder, holding him down. A deep huff sounded from Han. “Oh-ay. Fine. You ‘in. You’re ah-most as bad as your nother.” Only the unaffected side of his mouth curled upwards at the mention of his wife.

Ben felt a small smile form on his own lips.  _ These two, _ he thought as he helped raise the cup to Han’s mouth for him to sip.

“Han!” 

Both men turned at the sound of Leia’s voice. The regal woman stood in the doorway, holding her cane. She lingered there for a moment, taking in the sight of the two men she loved most, together again. 

Ben had not been estranged from his parents, per se, but no one would really consider him to be close to them either anymore. During the past half decade, they saw each other once a year at Christmas. At worst the visit would be wrought with fighting and accusations. At best, the atmosphere would be tense when they stuck to neutral, easy topics to keep the fragile peace. All parties wanted more from each other, but more was scary. It meant making themselves vulnerable again. Disappointment was easily avoided when there were no expectations to fall short of. It was easy to avoid being hurt if one never opened up.

Leia hobbled over to the bed where Han lay. He never took his eyes off his bride. “You look like hell,” she taunted him. Her attempt at hiding a laugh failed and her face broke into a smile.

Han’s mouth fell open in mock offense. He pointed to his chest with only his left hand and he mouthed, “Me?” Then found his voice. “Pshhh… You wish!” His voice had cleared some drinking water; he spoke more articulately.

Leia chuckled at his antics. Ben shook his head at their ridiculous methods of flirting. Who flirted by insulting each other? Apparently his parents.

“I hope they're getting you a separate nurse just for that nest you call hair, you self-absorbed, tube-peeing, brain-damaged, Jello-eating, scruffy-looking, crotchety old man"

Han expelled a loud scoff at her before retorting. “Who’s scruffy looking?!” Color was slowly returning to Han’s face, the banter with his wife chased away the drab and breathed new life into him. It would be sweet if it wasn’t so awkward. 

Even still, Ben couldn’t help but feel endeared by them. Ben pulled out his phone and cancelled all his classes and appointments for the next 3 days. Where there was once conflict concerning his parents, there was now resolve. It was time to let the past die and rebuild what he could with them. 

Suddenly the door slammed open and in waltzed another. Ben quickly stood and headed to the door to see who was approaching. Rounding the corner, he was met with a familiar face. 

“Hey there, my little Star Fighter! Good to see you!” Landon grabbed hold of his shoulders, having to reach up slightly to do so. “Aww! No love to show for your ol’ Unca Wanwo!?” Lando Calrissian’s grin only widened. 

_ Did everyone associated with his family have to be so needling and sarcastic?  _

Lando sidestepped Ben and sauntered up to Leia. She was his next victim.

“Well, well, don’t you look lovely?” He slowly lifts her hand to his mouth. Leia pushes him away playfully. “You still hangin’ ‘round this loser?” Lando nodded toward Han. 

“Hey!” Han called out to him, the side of his mouth turning up once again.

Lando turned to him with a mischievous grin. “Having trouble there, Han?”

Han shakes his head, pursing his lips. “No trouble. Why?”

Lando shook his head, chuckling. “Ya ol’ pirate. You’d better pull through.”

“Hmmm…” Han responded as he closed his eyes to rest again. 

…….

Trying to pass the time, Ben read while Lando and Leia played cards. They quietly whispered to one another while Han rested, in and out of consciousness. 

A soft rapping at the door pulled all their attention. “Excuse me, Sir. Madam.” Ben glanced up from his book to see a slim, elderly doctor. “I am Dr. Daniels- Anthony Daniels- I am attending to your father. I would like to discuss Mr. Solo’s condition with you.”

Han lifted his head and his face twitched when he saw the doctor before dropping his head dramatically back against the bed in resignation. “Alright, Doc. Say what you need to say.” His voice was rough from sleep. He reached with his left hand, instead of his right, for the remote, adjusting the bed.

“Han is essentially paralyzed completely on his right side. He has absolutely no control over that side of his body. That is why the right side of his face is drooping.”

“Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine peeking through the dark clouds of doom.” Han snarked. The doctor just stared at him, briefly taken aback for a moment. 

He wasn’t taken aback long enough, in Ben’s opinion. 

“If he is able to make it out of the hospital, you’re looking at intense occupational therapy, several months of in-home care, help walking, help changing clothes- heaven forbid if you have stairs at home.”

“We don’t have stairs and we will be happy to get Han whatever care he will require.” Leia reassured her husband. She shot Ben a look that said,  _ Can you believe this man?! _

Ben decided to step in and help his mother out. “Are you thinking he may be ready soon to go home? We can discuss all the transitional care and make arrangements. Maybe there’s an office where we can sit down to discuss this so that Dad can get more rest.” Ben raised his eyebrows in question, trying to hint to the doctor that his manner was offensive. 

“As you know, the stroke was a hemorrhagic stroke on the left side of the brain approximately 2 centimeters from the cerebral cortex. Most patients of this malady never make it to the hospital to begin with. Of those that do, only 25.89% survive beyond a month. The survivors of that usually suffer neuropathy. If I may say so, sir, the odds of a full recovery are approximately three thousand, seven hundred and twenty to one.”

Han turned his head once again to look straight at the doctor. “Never tell me the odds.”

Ben began shuffling the doctor towards the door while he continued prattling on about treatments, therapies, and prognoses. “But sir! The clamp we placed on the carotid artery during surgery may not hold-” 

Ben talked over him as he neared the exit. “Well,  _ when _ he is ready to go home, we’ll figure out those details.” 

“He may suffer another stroke any moment. His high blood pressure is not responding well to the-” The doctor was silenced by the door as it shut in his face.

“Thank you.” Han mumbled. 

Leia avoided everyone’s gaze while she busied herself aimlessly, straightening tables and folding blankets. 

“Look.” Han called her attention. “Don’t worry.” His speech still a bit slurred. “It’ll be fine. Trust me.”

“If you say so” Leia answered softly. She walked over to the bed and softly kissed her husband on the forehead. 

“I love you.”

“I know.”

…………….

Rey held a swishy, wet rag in her hand once again, wiping down tables. She was always wiping down something, it seemed. This time it was tables at the coffee cafe inside of Barnes and Noble. Rey, being a student of the University of North Florida, was thrilled to find a robust job market in a large town center nearby. 

Her shift was almost over and Rey longed to get back to her dorm and find rest before classes began. The Star Party she had attended a week ago marked the beginning of the next semester.

The ringing of the door chime announced someone’s arrival into the shop. Rey turned abruptly and saw an old man flip an oversized hood of a soaked rain coat off his head with both hands. “Hello there!” He greeted her with a friendly smile. It was the same elderly man that had first shown her the moon in the telescope. 

“Hi! Good to see you again, but we are closing for the night.” 

“No bother. Just wanted to step in for a moment to escape the rain.” Rey looked carefully out of the window to see that it was indeed raining. Now that she was more aware of her surroundings, she could easily hear the pounding of the storm against the roof. 

“Sounds like we aren’t going anywhere ‘til this clears up. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t even notice until you mentioned it.” Rey headed back behind the counter. “Since we’re both stuck, would you mind a bit of an exchange? Coffee on the house for more information about astronomy?”

“That would be fine. I would enjoy a nice hot cup of coffee and some stimulating conversation with a pretty young lady.” The man charmed her with his drawl as he settled down in a chair. It was refreshing for Rey to have a customer with such a relaxed manner and a nondemanding demeanor. Rey set the coffee to brew and went in the back to close up. After shutting the lights off in the employee area, she retrieved her belongings from her cubbie and headed back to the coffee machine. 

Rey shivered as the cold began to seep through her thin clothes. As the coffee maker let out its last gurgle, she unfolded the soft black garment she had clung to for the past several days. Slipping her arms into too-large black cardigan, a comforting and now-familiar scent once again overtook her senses.  _ His _ scent. 

Rey called over her shoulder to her newest acquaintance, ascertaining how he liked his coffee. After adding cream and sugar, Rey grabbed the warm cups and headed to the table to join the elderly man.

“Here you go.” She said cheerfully, setting the man’s coffee in front of him and settling herself into the seat across from him.

“Thank you, young lady. What is your name? I am Ben Kenobi. I did not think to introduce myself properly at the Star Party last week. I am happy to have another chance to meet you.”

“My name is Rey. I didn’t attend the party, actually. I was volunteering in the kitchen to earn community service hours and happened to pass by the courtyard where the telescopes were set up on my way back to the dorms.” Rey attempted a sip of coffee, but it was a little too hot. She carefully removed the lid, under the guise of cooling the beverage off faster. In reality, she was trying to keep her hands busy to hide her nervousness at meeting someone new. Rey craved friends and to be around others, but was often shy about first impressions.

The old man sipped his coffee, obviously satisfied with its temperature and set it back down on the table. “It’s a shame you missed the lectures. The main speaker was flown in from Colorado. He is quite knowledgeable. But he does come through often, so if you continue attending such events, I’m sure you’ll be privy to his speeches soon enough.” He took another sip of coffee, signalling her turn to talk. He made this easy on her.

“I have never had an interest in astronomy before. I just stumbled on it. But it was quite magical actually. Perhaps I should attend more meetings. How do I find out about upcoming events?”

“The group that coordinates and volunteers is called NEFAS. It stands for ‘Northeast Florida Astronomical Society.’ They like their fancy acronyms. Anyway, they meet once a month and have a Facebook group to organize and announce events also. I can help you join, if you want to.” He sips his coffee. 

Rey holds her cup in both her hands, unsure if committing to something like this is a good idea. She hasn’t even started her classes yet to gauge the workload, plus her work at the coffee shop. 

“You don’t have to join, you know,” he interrupts her thoughts, “if you are not interested or not able to work it out in your schedule. You always have a choice about these things.” 

_ A choice? _ She has a choice? She has never had many choices before. She grips her cup a little more tightly as her thoughts swirl around in her head like a whirlwind. Rey had justified her thievery of the jacket she was wearing by committing to attend one of this group’s meeting to return it. Rey chewed her lip in thought. It was intimidating to try something new like this, no matter how much she wanted it.

“Tell me, Rey,” He saved her again from her thoughts. “What is your major? You’re a university student, correct? Tell me what you’re studying and why you love it.”

Rey blinked at him. The first question was simple, easy, and straightforward. The second was a bit convoluted. “I am majoring in robotic engineering.” She decided that was enough. Picking up her cup for another sip, she signaled to the elderly man that it was his turn to talk. 

However, old Ben just sat there in silence, a soft, patient smile on his face, waiting for more information. 

Rey set her cup down. Smiled back at him. Their stand-off had begun. 

Ben took another sip. 

Rey took a sip. Ben’s smile grew wider. 

“You know, I was once a young man. A long time ago...” He chuckled lightly to himself. “Ready to take on the world, excited to explore new things, go places I had never seen, chase after my dreams…. Decisions and responsibilities to face.” He leaned forward slightly. “Tell me why you chose your major.”

Rey sat back in her chair and pulled the dark cardigan closer, seeking reassurance in any form she could receive it. She wasn’t getting out of this. She usually didn’t open up to people so soon about things in her life. The weather, world events, other people’s lives- she could talk about just about anything with anyone when the opportunity to talk opened. She just didn’t like talking about herself. Usually this wasn’t a problem, as most people were perfectly content to talk about themselves. 

She had nothing to lose by talking to this man. She had been conflicted about this astronomy group, so if this went south, she just wouldn’t join and won’t see him again. He was not a co-worker she would have to see around or a classmate she might have to study with. After calculating the risk, Rey decided to open herself up to him.

“I didn’t really choose Robotic Engineering.” Rey swirled the coffee around in her cup. “It chose me.” Silence stretched between them again. Rey realized she’s been staring at the swirling cream colored coffee vortex at the top of her cup. She glanced up to read his face: a small, patient, kind smile. The universe had finally showed her some compassion, it seemed. 

She decided it was still safe. She could open some more. “The school chose me, too. I didn’t choose it. I have chosen very little, it seems. I have just kinda accepted that to be the way of the world.” Sometime during her explanation, she had begun looking back down into her cup. She began to spin the cup slowly once more, watching the creams move and blend into one another. It was cathartic in a way, like watching fire burn wood or the whirl of clothes in a laundromat dryer. 

Old Ben cleared his throat, giving her an opportunity to add more if she chose, before he responded to her. He was kind, Rey thought. He let her choose. 

“You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.” 

Rey’s head snapped up from her coffee to look at him questioningly. A smirk had bloomed on the man’s face, gathering and rearranging the lines and wrinkles into a pleasing mosaic of an understanding born of life’s experiences. His eyes twinkled with mischief and fun. His hair was ruffled from the rain. 

  
  


“Tell me, Rey, more about the lack of choices you have suffered and I will tell you about mine.”

Rey’s mouth felt dry. Very few had expressed interest in Rey’s life or cared enough to understand her. Why was this man interested? What was in it for him? 

“Why do you want to know?” She asked, not in indignation, but with genuine curiosity. 

“I never married. I have no children, no grandchildren. Many of my friends have passed on or moved away. I am but a lonely old man in need of stimulating conversation. You tell me about yourself, I’ll share myself with you in return.”

“I’m adopted.” Rey opened, “I was abandoned by my birth parents and adopted by a lovely woman, or I like to believe she was a lovely woman once, and her husband. But the marriage of the two deteriorated shortly after I came into the picture. She left him.” Rey swallowed a lump in her throat before continuing. “And me. He says that he never wanted me to begin with.  _ She _ did. But he blamed me for their marriage troubles. So he basically treated me like an obligation and a burden, not a child.” 

Rey dropped her gaze down to the table. She traced the wood lines in the table with her fingers, trying to find a balance between telling her story and being distracted enough to avoid being pulled under by her emotions. “He even tried to surrender me back to the state at one point.” 

Her voice trailed off, but didn’t break. She was proud of that. She rarely allowed herself the fortuity to dwell on her past, much less express it to others.

“But it’s a lot of legal nonsense to “un-adopt” a child. Biological parents can surrender their child without much trouble, but if you have adopted them, you are required to prove to the court that you are physically incapable of caring for them. He didn’t have the money for the lawyers to do so.”

Rey paused to collect herself. Stealing a glance at the man across from her, his soft expression confirmed that she was welcome to take her time. “So, I basically had to fend for myself for most of my life. I never picked out my clothes. I wore what was given to me. I never got to choose what I wanted off a menu. I was lucky to get a leftover box at night.”

Rey heaved a big sigh, lighter from sharing the heavy load while simultaneously feeling emptied out from it. 

“When it comes to the college and major thing, I was pressured to join a robotics team for extra credit in a class I was struggling in. I was also lured in by free snacks and I was often hungry. It turns out I had a natural talent for it. I landed a scholarship. It was made clear to me that I had to leave the house as soon as I graduated. With nowhere else to go and a school offering me a full ride, dining pass, dorms, and all, I really didn’t have much of a choice. Live on the streets or attend college for a degree in engineering. 

“That’s pretty much it.” She trailed off, hoping against hope that she didn’t sound as pathetic to him as she had sounded to herself. She began to fiddle with the cuffs of the Star-man’s cardigan; the ribbed texture on the sleeves soothed her. She wished she could remember what he was called when they were interrupted. Rey clenched the fabric in frustration at herself once again. 

“Hmmm….” Old Ben hummed thoughtfully. “That sounds rough. It does sound like your options have been limited in the past, but that won’t always be true in the future…” He looked at her as though he had an important point to make. “Or maybe, in your present. Right now. Do you not like robotics and engineering? Are there other interests you have that you are being prevented from pursuing?”

“It’s not that I don’t like robotics. I don’t really know, to be honest. It’s just something I did because I wanted to eat the snacks. One thing led to another. I sometimes feel like I’m just driftwood caught in a current, being carried downstream.” Rey is struggled to look at her coffee companion. Eye contact could sometimes be too intense for her. She took to exploring the walls now, eyes discovering each blemish, mark, and imperfection. 

“That’s very poetic of you, young lady. Do you fancy poetry?” 

“I don’t know. I enjoyed some of the things we’ve studied here or there in school. But I have never owned a book of them to study or attempted to write any.”

“You know, if it interests you, there are libraries you can borrow from. If we really look at a situation and find a way to remove the blinders our own pain can place on us, you’ll find that you have more choices than you think.” 

Rey’s brow knitted in consideration. 

Ben leaned forward to get her attention more fully. “What is it you enjoy? Love? What makes Rey, Rey? Who is she? You may have only clothes that you have been given, but you can remake them, repurpose them.” He looked pensive, like he was trying to remember something. “I have a friend’s granddaughter that uses that Pinning board thing online. She has shown me interesting ways of redesigning old clothes to make them something new.

“Rey, choices are all around you. You don’t have to be pulled along by a river current down a stream you don’t want to travel. You can choose your own path. Forge your own destiny.” 

Old Ben sat back once again and sipped his coffee. “You seemed to enjoy yourself at the Star Party. Consider joining the Astronomy Society. I’ll pay your fee if you’re willing to keep a lonely old geezer company. If you find you don’t enjoy it, you’re not out any funds and it’s no big deal. I’ll ask at the end of each meeting if you enjoyed yourself. You must be honest with me and if you find you choose not to come to the next meeting, I will be happy that you have practiced making a decision for yourself. Will that work for you?” He lifted his eyebrows in question to her.

Rey nodded. “When is the next meeting?”

“I can pick you up here, if you’d like, this Wednesday at 6pm. We will be discussing plans for International Observe the Moon Day. Often schools or clubs will reach out to us to host an event.”

“Okay,” Rey squeaked out. Though her nerves burned and twisted her innards, she knew she needed to take this chance, this risk, this step. 

It was time she stopped looking at her lack of options.

It was time to discover her identity. 

It was time to forge her destiny.

………

Ben Solo shifted once again in the chair that was uncomfortably too small for him, trying to find a position that would be more relaxing. He was so sick of the hospital. Han had been in the hospital for a week now. 

He was so tired. He needed to relax. 

He needed to relax because right now, he was sitting at a round table, attempting to eat mediocre hospital food, surrounded by his mother.

And his Uncle Luke. 

Luke had arrived yesterday. Their greeting was tense and awkward. 

_ “I”m sorry, Ben.” Luke spoke first. “I failed you.” _

_ Ben refused to meet his eyes. This was not the time or place for a wrestling of wills or a skirmish to not be subjugated. This was about his family- or what was left of it. He had already resolved himself to reconciliation. Ben knew he was stubborn. He had gotten that from all sides of his family.  _

_ But this time would be different. He would set his will. He would be resolved in his purpose. Find a way back to them all. Seek to understand the other first, then hope to be understood. Be determined to find common ground. Stop at nothing until the walls are torn down and they find a way to accept and be harmonious with the family.  _

_ “I'm sure you are.” Ben said softly and sincerely. Luke stared silently back at him, trying to read his face and understand his meaning. Ben cleared his throat and further elucidated. _

_ “We can talk about all this a different time. Right now let’s just call a truce for dad’s sake and get through this.”  _

_ Luke nodded in agreement and what Ben thought might have been understanding and possibly empathy.  _

He wasn’t even going to let himself think about the last time he had seen or heard from Luke. It might as well have been a different lifetime, so much had changed. He forced himself to focus on his father and not being the cause of an eruption between any of them. He may have been the spark that caused the last family holocaust, but he refused to be the source of ignition this time. 

Ben cleared his throat. His mind battled, trying to find a neutral, safe topic of conversation. “Where is Lando this morning?” That should be safe enough.

“He is working remotely while he is here. He was probably up late last night. Perhaps he’ll be along later today.” Leia guessed.

“Does anyone really know what that scoundrel is really up to, though?” Luke responded, trying to be simultaneously nostalgic and playful. 

Ben’s line of conversation had worked. His eye browed jumped in surprise and self-congratulation. He tucked it away quickly.  _ Play it cool. Fly casual. Act natural. _ He coached himself. “What is Uncle Lando up to these days? Or- more accurately- what is Lando saying he’s up to?” Ben smiled playfully along with the others.  _ See! I  _ can  _ play nice with others.  _ He defended himself against himself. 

Which was just weird. 

Ben shook himself slightly, reaching desperately for anything inside himself that was normal and amicable. 

This was hard. No wonder he never put much effort into all this before.  _ Peopling is hard. _

“For a long time, he just lived day-to-day earning enough money by gambling and cheating to get by. He met someone a while back and decided to settle down a bit. He now runs a local community center. He’s become a bit more respectable.” Leia shook her head as though to clear it from a strange vision. “Responsible, even. It’s weird.”

“Hmmm…” Ben racked his brain once again, seeking a normal response. He took a bite of food- a bad decision. It tasted awful. He did it only to stall for time. 

Ben set his fork down on his plate and grabbed for his opened Fiji water bottle to evict the horrid taste from his mouth. After wiping his mouth he settled on a response. “Sounds like a responsible leader. Who’d have thought that, huh?” Luke and Leia both smiled.  _ Ha! Take that, awkwardness!  _

In his hubris, he set the heavy bottle down on the handle of his fork, flipping the fork and bits of greasy green beans across the table. 

Leia shook her head with a fond smile on her face while Luke guffawed. 

Ben’s jaw ticked to the side.  _ So awkward... _

Leia’s phone rang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Northeast Florida Astronomical Society is full of a bunch of great people! They are so welcoming and knowledgable. They are patient with my kids too. Love them all so much! Here's the website. You can also find them on Facebook. If you're ever in Jacksonville during one of their events, I encourage you to check them out. If not, I hope you someday visit one of the local astronomy groups in your area. Everyone should look through a telescope at least once during their lives! It seriously changes you. [NEFAS](https://nefas.org)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out again to my betas: BasicAlliments and PenofaPolski! Thank you for not letting me upload this with a ton of spelling errors and missing words. Y'all, they have their work cut out for them betaing for me! You just don't know.... 
> 
> Also a shout out to my Aunt Beth! She is an avid reader and a retired editor for her local newspaper. She helped me figure out what the heck I was doing with verb tenses and was there for me as when went back and re-edited the previous chapters.
> 
> This was a tough chapter to write and edit. It gets pretty angsty for a bit. Next chapter should be much lighter and will begin the online shenanigans.

Closing up the coffee shop after the rain passed, Rey had an extra bounce in her step and a mind full of possibilities . Old Ben had given her a lot to think about. Rey had suffered limited options in her life. However, her disappointment born of life’s caprice had caused her to narrow her vision of the world, further blinding her to life’s possibilities.

Her mind was swirling with so many different ideas and questions that Rey was less aware of her surroundings than she ought to be. Despite her efforts to side-step puddles leftover from the evening’s downpour, her sneakers quickly became waterlogged. Moisture wicked into her socks and the humid breeze cut through her shirt as she plodded across the parking lot to the darkened employee parking. Sweat had already gathered on her brow from the August heat.

As she opened her car door, she heard a shuffling in the darkness behind her. She startled, but turned too late. A hand clamped over her mouth and the stench of dirt and grime flooded her senses. A second arm grabbed her around the waist and hauled her away from the car. Her heart pounded and her lungs constricted with panic. 

Pain met fear when her body was violently cast down onto the hard asphalt of the deserted parking lot. Water splashed across her backside. Rey looked around, trying to orient herself, trying to slow her breathing. The sounds were all blending together and she couldn’t distinguish the source of any of them. The rushing of blood in her ears added to the cacophony of sounds mingling together. Her eyes wouldn’t focus despite her rapid blinking. Her hands and backside ached. She lifted her hands up to examine them and found them scraped. She must have braced herself against the impact when she was flung down onto the ground. 

That’s right. She was flung onto the ground! 

As she came back to her senses, she realized that her keys had to have been pried from her hand. She looked up and saw her assailant unlocking her car. Blinking back her shock, Rey quickly observed her surroundings, trying to assess her situation and make a decision on what to do. She weighed the risks and possible outcomes with urgency.

Choices. She had choices.  _ Don’t just lie here, make a choice!  _ Rey screamed at herself, her fear and frustration running parallel on the track of her mind. Deciding to fight back, Rey steeled herself.  _ The assailant will now become the assailee if I have anything to do with it! _

Rey didn’t know how to fight; she knew how to scrap. So scrap she did!

Emerging from the puddle, Rey stood. She flung the water-logged cardigan off her shoulders. In a blind rush of adrenaline, Rey surrendered all awareness and lot herself in the clash. She may not have had self-defence training or conditioned muscles, but she relied on her will to win and her instincts to survive. 

Gritting her teeth, Rey somehow landed on top of her rival, pounding him with all her might when strong arms grabbed her once again and pulled her off. She turned on the newly arrived threat, ready to unleash her wrath once again.

“Woah! Woah! Lady! Calm down! It’s okay! It’s the police!” The policeman held her tightly and softened his voice. “It’s okay. You’re safe. You’re safe.” 

Breathing deeply, Rey began to calm down. Deep breathes in through the nose, hissed out through her teeth. 

“It’s okay, ma’am. We’ve got him. I saw the whole thing. I ran over here as fast as I could. He’s gonna go to jail. You’re okay. It’s okay.” He was mumbling softly in her ear as he held her against his chest. “I’m letting go now. Can you stand?” Rey opened her eyes and saw another officer attending to her attacker. The slow, intentional breaths were finally calming her racing heart. 

Rey nodded against him. She felt his arms release her and he backed away. She heard moaning and a rustling. Her eyes landed on a writhing heap of dark clothing in the mud. Rey didn’t know how she did it- she certainly didn’t remember doing it- but the man was completely incapacitated. The officer, a man of average height with thick dark curls, was citing rights while preparing for an arrest.

Sirens are heard down the street. They grew steadily louder. Rey retrieved her cardigan- well, not hers- from the ground. She wrang it out and meticulously inspected it for damage. The distraction helped to calm the pounding of her heart and to slow her breathing. 

…..

  
  


They were rushing down the hall, bright lights harsh in their eyes. Luke and Ben on either side of Leia. 

It was the worst kind of phone call.

Han’s clamp had failed. His brain was hemorrhaging.

Arriving at the Intensive Care waiting room, they awaited further news. 

“I want to see him,” Leia was telling a nurse as Ben supported most of her weight. Luke had already begun to reason with the nurse. Voices were heard, but not understood. 

Han had rallied. He had improved. He had been snarky and condescending. He was supposed to be released.  _ This wasn’t happening. There was no way this was actually happening.  _

The clanking of Leia’s cane hitting the ground brought Ben back to his senses. 

“Ben,” Luke gripped his arm. “Ben, look at me.” Ben forced his eyes to focus while his mother gripped his shirt and cried into his chest. His arms had wrapped themselves around her shaking body without his knowledge.

“Ben.” Luke was in his face now, eyes wide and concerned. “Did you hear and understand what was happening?” All Ben could do was shake his head in denial. There was no time to waste attempting to discern the situation on his own. “There is nothing they can do. Han is bleeding out. We can go in to see him, but it won’t be pretty. We need to decide now.”

“Is he conscious?” His voice broke on the last word.

“Not right now, but anything can happen when someone is passing.” The nurse’s face was grave.

“Mom?” Ben asked in Leia’s ear, gently. She just nodded against him.

Ben expected a flurry of action and a cacophony of machine noises, but it was eerily quiet except for the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor.

They surround the bed. Ben on Han’s left, Leia at his right, and Luke at the foot of the bed. Ben and Leia both held one of Han’s hands. Luke’s hand rested on one of his feet. They could hear Han’s breathing becoming more shallow and his lips were turning blue. 

“It’s normal.” A nurse that had entered behind them made her presence known. “Talk to him. He may be aware. He can probably hear you.”

Ben choked on a lump in his throat and wiped the at the tears tickling his face as they slid down. 

“Dad, I’m sorry I wasn’t around much.” He took a deep breath in through his nose and smelled the chlorine of his grieving tears. “Dad, I’m sorry I turned out to be as big of a snarky, sarcastic jerk as yourself. I hope that I somehow made you proud. I love you.”

His father turned his head toward him and opened his eyes. His eyes were perfectly clear. An old, calloused hand, the only one still mobile, lifted to the side of Ben’s face and tenderly cupped it. “My boy,” He smacked his dry mouth. “I love you.”

“I know.” Ben cried their normal snarky response. 

His father smirked briefly on the unparalyzed side of his face. Han’s hand slowly slipped away from Ben’s face as the rhythmic beating from the heart monitor became increasingly irregular.

Beep.

Ben gripped his father’s hand once more.

Beep. 

A soft sob escaped his mother. 

Beep.

Luke patted Han’s foot twice before affectionately rubbing comforting patterns of circles against it.

Beep. 

Luke rounded the bed and wrapped his arm around his mother’s shoulders. Her cries echoed through the room as she buried her face in his neck. His eyes flicked up to Ben’s face. Despite the tension between them, despite their past, Luke was here for him now. He leaned across the bed and gripped Ben’s shoulder. 

Beep.

Ben, Leia, and Luke hold Han and each other as the heart monitor flatlined.

………..

At the nurses’ station late that night, they were given Han’s belongings in a box: the last part of Han they would have. 

“Mom… Let’s go.” 

“Wait. I have this for you.” A nurse called to them and handed Ben a rolled-up lump of paper strips. Ben looked at her questioningly. “This is the print-out of his last heartbeat.” Ben closed his eyes and grit his teeth, trying to be strong for his mother, but his father’s last heartbeat was in his hands. 

Another sob escaped his mother. He wanted to be strong for her, so he wrapped his arms around her and tried to breathe through his own pain. Her hair tickled his face as he nuzzled her head. Ben was lost in his grief when strong masculine arms surrounded him. It was Luke, holding him as he held his mother. d

They collectively breathe the same air and gathered strength from each other, all past tensions and pains forgotten. It was a balm to his aching soul.

The three eventually broke apart to leave. With one on each side of her, Luke and Ben steady Leia as they exited Han’s hospital floor for the last time. 

……

  
  


Rey had given statements, she had been examined by EMS, and now she was finally released to go home. 

“Hey, Miss!” Rey turned and saw the police officer who had first intervened to help her. He walked up to her with his curls swaying slightly with each step. His eyes were shining, but his face was concerned. “Miss, do you have anyone you can call to take you home?”

“I have my own car. It wasn’t harmed or anything so I should be able to just drive home.” Rey dug through her purse searching for her keys. She felt the fleeing metal occasionally brush against her fingers before they hid themselves once more amongst all the junk in her purse. Finally, her fingers found purchase around them and she yanked the disobedient inanimate objects free of their fabric den. Unfortunately, they brought with them a deluge of other junk from the bowels of her purse. All the insubordinate objects had obviously collaborated with one another, as they all landed in a puddle, splashing gross, muddy water all over Rey’s lower legs and shoes. 

Rey closed her eyes and took a deep breath. In through the nose. Out through her teeth. Calm. Happy place. An island, surrounded by an ocean. Warm sunshine. Laughter.

_ Laughter? _

Rey opened her eyes. It wasn’t her laughter, but the officer’s. “Sorry, Miss. That was too funny.” He wiped imaginary tears from his eyes and then turned serious once more. “You’ve had a rough night. I’m glad you’re safe and unharmed besides bumps and bruises, but it was still quite an experience. Let me help you.”

He bent down to retrieve her items. Rey just stood there, like an idiot, looking down at him in a daze. He gathered her things and helped her clean off the mud with paper towels retrieved from his car. Offering her belongings back to her, he very intentionally ran his fingers across the back of her hand.

Rey’s eyes snapped up to his face at the foreign sensation of a man’s touch. His dark eyes were twinkling in the street lights and his smile soft and flirtatious. She had just had similar experiences with a mysterious man at a Star Party last week. She didn’t even catch his name. But those sensations were very different than these. Rey didn’t know how she felt about this. 

“Name’s Poe. Poe Dameron. Is there someone I can call to help you get home? It’s normal to be pretty shaken up by something like this. Got a family? Boyfriend? Cute boyfriend?” His eyes were hopeful.

“Umm... “ Rey was desperately trying to pull herself together and figure out… basically everything. 

Poe repeated the question, his confidence seeming to grow.  _ What exactly is happening here? _ He took pity on her and repeated his question a third time. “Anyone I can call? Do you have a husband? Or boyfriend?”

Rey finally came out of it enough to answer such a direct question. “No. I have no one like that. I can’t call anyone, but I do live close by. It shouldn’t be a problem to get home.”

“I see.” His jaw ticked to the side in thought before the side of his mouth twitched upward. “Can we exchange numbers? I’m concerned about you. I would like to make sure you make it home safely.” He shrugged casually. “Plus, there may be more questions about the investigation.” Officer Dameron pulled out his personal cell phone, unlocked it and awaited her answer with an expectant look on his face.

It all seemed a little off to Rey, but if the universe wanted to offer her some concern and help for once, why not try it out? “Sure,” she replied hesitantly and surrendered her information. 

It was several hours later before Rey climbed into bed. She was too keyed up from the attack. She decided to wash her clothes and shoes since they were covered in mud. It broke her a bit to wash the cardigan she had stolen from the mysterious man at the Star Party. She knew his scent would be gone.  _ Friggin’ mugger.  _ She really shouldn’t dry it in the dryer with the rest of her clothes, but she was anxious to have the task completed. Maybe it would shrink some and fit her better. Then maybe she wouldn’t able to give it back when she saw him once again since it may not fit him anymore. Her justifications were getting more and more out of control.

Sleep did not come easy for her that night. She curled up with the sweater and she missed his smell. Nevertheless, it still made her feel safer. She relaxed as she recalled his hand engulfing her own while adjusting the telescope. She finally fell asleep to the distant rolling of thunder from the retreating rainstorm. In her sleepy haze, it sounded like the deep rumble of his voice. The man of the stars: her star-man. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in memory of my Aunt Jackie, who passed away a few years ago. PenofaPolski was with me when I wrote it. We were writing our Nanowrimo projects in a restaurant and she was there for me when I cried like a baby in public. 
> 
> The nurses were so kind to my family as they said good-bye to my aunt. (I couldn't be present when she passed because I live several hours away.) My mom still has the heart monitor paper of her last heartbeat. 
> 
> Rest in peace, Aunt Jackie. You are missed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thankful for my betas, BasicAlliments and PenofaPolski. I had the poor souls look over this chapter three times while I stressed over it.
> 
> I also went back and edited the previous chapters to fix some plot holes and move all the verb tenses to past. Links to some fun information about aspects of astronomy mentioned in the chapters have been inserted into this chapter and a few of a the previous ones. I hope you guys enjoy!

**Notifications:**

**Poe Dameron posted on your timeline.**

**Your request to join** **_Amature Astronomy - Telescopes, Binoculars, Imaging Forum_ ** **has been approved.**

**Obi-wan Kenobi tagged you in a post in** **_(NEFAS) Northeast Florida Astronomical Society._ **

**Your request to join** **_(NEFAS) Northeast Florida Astronomical Society_ ** **has been approved.**

**You have joined the** **_UNF Astronomy Club._ **

**You are now friends with Obi-wan ‘Ben’ Kenobi.**

  
  


Rey’s Facebook notifications were already reflecting the massive changes Rey was making. It had only been a few days since her enlightening conversation with Old Ben Kenobi. His challenge for her to try new things, search for new possibilities, and find herself echoed within her. It had become the driving force of her life, like marching to the beat of a new drum.

Rey felt invigorated.

Alive.

She was making choices and changes, taking risks, and trying new things.

Rey caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window her desk sat in front of. She hardly recognized herself anymore. Not that she looked any different. It was an inward change that was somehow manifesting itself on the outside when she looked at herself in the mirror. The way she stood. The glint in her eyes. The resting position of her mouth. 

A text alert pulled her away from checking her Facebook notifications and ruminating over her reflection.

**Poe: Hey good lookin’, what’s cooking?**

_That_ was another significant change- one that was born out of chance and circumstance rather than intentionality. Rey had met two handsome men, both of which seemed to express some level of romantic interest in her. One more so than the other, although not the one Rey _really_ wanted to be pursuing her. Still, it was a new experience for Rey, and new experiences were currently a part of Rey’s new mantra. She had never had many friends- particularly _male_ friends. And as much as she hated admitting it to herself, she wasn’t sure if this was a normal way that boy friends (not _boyfriends_ ) interacted with girl friends or if he was expressing romantic interest. Determined to have an open mind, she decided to play along and see what came of it. _Roll with the punches, right?_

Rey picked up her phone to respond and stared at the screen before dropping it in her lap, aggravated. Hiding her face in her hands, Rey groaned loudly in frustration. She didn’t want to lead him on if she wasn’t interested in him. On the other hand, she had only seen him in person once: during her mugging. Perhaps that’s why she felt differently about his attention versus the Star-man’s. Maybe she should write a list of pros and cons or a comparison chart. 

Rey checked the time stamp on her phone. No time for her charts. Bummer. Three minutes had already passed since his text had arrived. She was probably overthinking things again. Gripping her hair in one of her hands, she pulled on it hard. _Of course she was overthinking things! She was getting ready to make a series of charts! Who does that?_ She had so little experience with this mess; she just felt lost. What did any of this mean? What were the potential consequences? What if she made the wrong decision?!

_Enough!_

She closed her eyes and breathed. She imagined Old Ben Kenobi sitting across from her and imagined what he would say. 

“It’s okay to make mistakes. How else are you gonna learn?!” She yelled at herself, her voice echoing through her mostly barren room. “Fine! It’s fine! Just answer the man!” Rey picked up her phone and started ominously at the blinking cursor. Poe was so suave and playful. Perhaps that would be the best way to respond: be playful about it. Flirt, maybe? 

**Rey: Hey Poe! You sound like you’re up to no good.**

**Poe: I have no idea what you mean. ;-)**

**Poe: I want to see the new Avengers movie this weekend…..**

**Rey: sounds fun**

**Poe: ...and it looks really bad for an eligible guy like myself to go to the movies without a beautiful girl.**

**Poe: You in?**

Rey’s eyes widened. _That escalated quickly_.

Poe was nice and Rey had appreciated his concern the night of her mugging. He had texted her that evening to make sure she arrived home safely.

He was considerate.

But it was more than that. Poe had continued to text her daily about this or that. He had a confident demeanor and brazen way of talking that could come off as a bit- dare she say- conceited. Rey couldn’t figure out if he was serious or joking. Initially, his invitation to a movie seemed out of nowhere. In hindsight, he had been working his way up to it. Now Rey was concerned this was supposed to be a date. Did she want a date? _This_ date?

“New experiences… It's just a new experience. You’re not committing to anything.” Rey counseled herself aloud and then momentarily considered hiring a life coach. 

**Rey: I should be able to come with you on Saturday.**

**Poe: Great!**

**Poe: It’s a date!**

Well…

That answered _that_. 

Rey breathed deeply, trying to calm herself. The pain in her mouth alerted her to the fact that she was once again biting the inside of her cheek. 

Rey supposed that Poe would be fun to hang with, but she didn’t like him romantically. At least not yet. Maybe her feelings would change. She had never been on a date. A date would be a new experience. Cue the “new experiences” mantra and her answer was pretty straightforward. 

**Rey: Let me know where and when.**

Rey turned her phone off and returned to her computer. Time to get some work done and find a distraction before she overthought her entire life once more. 

Now that she had been approved to join the various astronomy groups, she could get started on the project she signed up for at the Astronomical group meeting she attended last week with Old Ben.

_Instead of him picking her up at the coffee shop, Rey had decided to meet Ben Kenobi at the NEFAS meeting. She had arrived twenty minutes early and sat in her car, waiting until Old Ben showed up. In her hands she clutched the Star-man’s hoodie-cardigan-sweater thing. She really doesn’t know what to call it. It was a formal looking sweater with asymmetrical buttons down the front and had a hoodie. The hoodie gave it a casual look but the fabric and buttons edged it into the business casual (idk if it’s business casual) category._

_She was interested in learning about astronomy, but that wasn't the only reason Rey was here tonight. She was hoping the man she couldn’t stop thinking about would also be here. Hoping to learn his name._

_Conflicted about whether or not to return the borrowed garment, Rey had decided to do the right thing. ‘When in doubt, do the right thing’ was a motto Rey had tried to live her life following, sans the one moment of cleptomania the night she acquired the sweater. So here she was, sorrowfully running her hands over her treasure, bereaved before she was even parted from it._

_She knew it was childish to be so attached to an article of clothing, but it was the only tangible reminder that he was real and the experience wasn’t just a figment of her imagination._

_The night of the NEFAS meeting had been full of disappointments, thrills, and new experiences. She was welcomed exuberantly- especially as a guest of Ben Kenobi, as he was well-respected and very influential- and made several new acquaintances she hoped would become friends. The owner of the stolen cardigan was not at the meeting, both to her relief and disappointment. Afraid to ask anyone about him, she decided to keep him as her own special secret._

_The bulk of the meeting was to discuss the group’s next big upcoming event: International Observe the Moon Night:_

_The date was very specific, always on a Saturday in the fall when the moon is closest to being half full. Surprisingly, the features on the moon are most easily observed this way because the shadows define the craters, mountains, vallies, and lake beds. A full moon was beautiful with its ethereal glow, but the brightness was so harsh on the eyes that one can best observe a full moon only while using a lens filter._

_After the lecture concluded, Rey walked around the display tables of equipment and ran her fingers over the various colored filters on display. The speaker had lectured about these earlier, using a PowerPoint presentation. The idea was that blocking certain waves of color would allow others to be more defined. The moon was so bright in the sky that the white light would frequently wash out the details. How interesting that something can shine too brightly to enjoy. A brilliant moon, filtered through a darkened lens, would be more glorious? Rey chewed her lip while thinking too much about this information. She always had invented deep philosophical meanings out of randomness. At least this time she wasn’t contemplating a flow chart._

_They had about 6 weeks to prepare for it. The group decided to host a party in a park, with a focus on families and children. They needed volunteers to help plan activities, crafts, games, and anything that could keep children excited and occupied. Ben Kenobi volunteered to head it up._

_Standing by her car under the bright parking lot lights after the meeting’s conclusion, Old Ben had asked Rey’s help. She readily agreed. They became Facebook friends and he added her to several groups._

_“I’m on Facebook for some stuff here and there, but I’m not super proficient like you young kids are,” he had explained to her. “Post on some of the groups I add you to and see what others may have done in the past and get some ideas. We can discuss it next week and start making decisions.”_

_Rey yawned as he explained her assignment, then nodded._

_“You get on home now.” He gestured a half-hearted wave. “It’s late and you have classes tomorrow.” His speech was relaxed and slow. Rey enjoyed his casual, laid back manner. It put her at ease._

_Rey returned home once again to her empty dorm room. However, bright possibilities and curious interest- one_ she _had chosen for herself- kept her company late into the night._

Having opened the page for a large astronomical group, Rey began her assignment. 

**New Post by Rey Plutt:**

**Ideas Needed!**

**I am new to the whole astrology thing but have joined an astronomical society. They are putting together a kid’s event for the International Observe the Moon Night in a few weeks and I have volunteered to help plan it. Spam me with your ideas! Crafts, games, decorations, any and every idea is welcome and appreciated!!!!**

**Kylo Ren: How about this idea? Don’t. As in, don’t do anything. Go home, hide in your closet and cry in shame over the fact that you don’t know the difference between astrology and astronomy.**

**Rey: what just happened? Did you just……..?**

**Kylo Ren: Yes. I did ‘just.’ There are so many things wrong with your post it would take several pages to annotate it in its entirety. I just decided to start with the astrology piece.**

**Rey: It was an honest mistake. Just typing quickly in the moment and didn’t think.**

**Kylo Ren: You’re only further proving my point. Like I said, cancel your participation in the event, stay home, and cry.**

**Kylo Ren: Come to think of it, cancel the event entirely. Exciting hordes of mediocre children regarding space exploration is a terrible idea. It leads to nothing but disappointment for them when they find out they are of undistinguished intellect, unremarkable efficiency, or unexceptional skill. Completely pedestrian. And a lot of hard work for those of us who actually take astronomy seriously when we are forced to put up with all the nonsense these people generate.**

**Rey: What do you mean, disappointment?**

**Kylo Ren: Show a kid the moon in a telescope and they immediately want to be the next Neil Armstrong. It’s not going to happen. For any of them. Ever. So why start them down that path?**

**Rey: I have always been of the opinion that inspiring dreams and aspirations in others is a positive thing. Explain yourself.**

**Kylo Ren: Look, of all the kids that look through a telescope or see a rocket launch that want to become an astronaut, only some of them will grow to fit the physical requirements that will allow them to actually fit in the rocket. It is possible to be too short or too tall to fly into space. Then there’s the neurological requirements. How many people do you know get sick on a roller coaster? Those people will not be neurologically capable of flying on a rocket. We haven’t even touched intelligence. Even with the highest test scores, it’s still not enough. Only a dozen people fly into space a year. That’s it. You divide that by how many want to get into space and qualify for space travel and you’ll see that for most people it’s just a pipe dream.**

**Instead, encourage your kids to pass their tests, eat their vegetables, and have a social life.**

**Rey: You couldn’t have sugar coated that even a little?**

**Kylo Ren: You probably wouldn’t have understood me if I had.**

**Rey: I can’t believe there’s people like you on this forum. What are you, the community troll?! Don’t you have a bridge you should be under right now? This is supposed to be a place to learn, and yet you are discouraging the very mission of this group! Is this group not moderated? Who’s the admin? Can someone tag the admin?**

**Kylo Ren: @Gwendolyn Phasma**

**Rey: Did you just…?**

**Kylo Ren: Tag the admin for you? Yes, I did. And she’s going to love reading this before she deletes it all.**

Rey slammed her laptop closed and stared at it in disgust. How could one human being be so horrible?

Rey had always tried to find the best in people and situations. It was often what kept her going in her darkest times. She also believed in people. The man shoving past her in a crowd was probably rushing due to an emergency. The malicious office worker gossiped about her because she’s been done wrong in life and coped by being the first to lash out. 

But this Kylo guy was just a horrible person. 

He must be. 

There were other groups she had been approved to join. She could just go there since she was sure the whole thread would be deleted at this point, since he had pretty much hijacked it.

Rey opened her laptop back up and selected another group. 

**New Post:**

**Rey Plutt: Hi everyone! I’m new to astronomy**

Rey double-checked the word this time. 

**Rey Plutt: Hi everyone! I’m new to astronomy but have decided to just jump in with both feet. The local astronomical society is planning a kid’s event for the International Observe the Moon Night coming up. I opted to be on the planning committee. Please share any ideas for activities, crafts, games, etc. Thanks!**

**Kylo Ren: I found this. Hope it helps!** [ **https://lmgtfy.com/?q=moon+crafts+and+activites+for+kids** ](https://lmgtfy.com/?q=moon+crafts+and+activites+for+kids)

**Kylo Ren: Also great to see you figured out which subject you’re teaching! Best of luck to you!**

Rey knew he was not genuinely wishing her luck. The patronizing jerk.

Rey seethed at her laptop. Pain registered in her hands. Rey looked down and realized she was clenching her fists so tightly her fingernails cut into her palms. 

She couldn’t insult him back. At least not on _this_ forum. To an outsider, it would look like he was being helpful, not a sarcastic butt. 

She decided to leave the post as is to see if she caught any other comments which might _actually_ prove helpful. 

After checking her phone to see if Poe had texted her anymore, she returned her eyes to the post. Rey pushed away from her desk to grab a water bottle from her dorm’s mini fridge. Standing in front of the window, Rey tried to distract herself. No clouds to spot shapes in. (I feel like this sentence could be more whimsical, endearing Rey to us, with more texture.) No people to watch. Rey sighed. After several minutes of toggling her glare relentlessly between her laptop and the school’s drab landscaping outside her window, she decided the best course of action would be to be a creep. She plopped back down at her desk, took one long swig of her water and clicked on Kylo’s profile.

His profile pic was of some astronomical patch-badge-looking thing. Few details were found on his info page. No pictures of friends or family. 

_So he was a basement dweller. Fun. Probably just joined random pages so he could troll people in his spare time. Probably had an abundance of spare time because he lived in his parent’s basement and didn’t have an actual job_. Rey wouldn't have been surprised if he trolled NASA pages about the earth being flat too. 

They say not to feed trolls. Probably good advice. Too bad she wasn’t taking it.

She clicked the private message button at the top of his profile. _Here comes dinner, Grendol._

……

Ben Solo sat helpless at his laptop. It had only been a few days since his father passed. He rarely logged onto Facebook. There were few on his friends list and most of them were more acquaintances or colleagues instead of friends. Scrolling through a bunch of asinine status updates, Ben happened upon a post within one of the astronomical forums. 

Some imbecilic neophyte had posted, asking for ideas concerning an event. They couldn’t even discern the difference between astrology and astronomy and yet they wanted to help teach kids about space?

In hindsight, Ben knew it was most likely a mix-up. The writer of the post was most likely writing in haste and made an honest mistake. But in the moment, Ben was breaking apart from the inside out over his father’s death and was in dire need of a distraction. 

His prospects were raised further when he spotted the same guy posting basically the same thing on a similar forum. Ah, yes. This was exactly what the doctor ordered. 

Having taken a few moments to create his “Let me google that for you” link, Ben settled back down at his laptop with a fresh cup of coffee. 

A devious smirk broke out across his face at the ping of an incoming private message. Ben clicked “accept.”

**Rey: What exactly is your problem?**

**Kylo Ren: What problem? That I'm a citizen of planet Earth and desire for posterity's sake that children be sufficiently prepared to meet the future with competence in their mediocrity, instead of being drowned in a sea of disappointment from their inadequacy and disillusionment? I don’t see how that’s a problem. You can’t tell me you haven’t experienced your own existential crisis?**

**Kylo Ren: Perhaps you just had yours today because your horoscope wasn’t accurate?**

**Rey: You’re a monster**

**Kylo Ren: Yes, I am.**

**Kylo Ren: How astute of you to notice.**

**Rey: Has life just spectacularly failed you or something? There must be some reason you think it’s your life’s mission to eat the souls of others.**

**Kylo Ren: I’m a professor of Astronomy. Tolerating asinine people who strive ineffectually for an unattainable future and enduring a lifetime of vapid questions asked by obtuse people who lack basic critical thinking skills is the source of my dismal, but accurate perspective. I’m delighted to have enlightened you today.**

**Kylo Ren: You said you’re new to astronomy and this is your first educational event. Consider that I have saved you years of frustration if you take my advice.**

**Kylo Ren: Now how much of a monster do you think I am?**

**Rey: You can’t possibly believe all of that crap and be a successful college professor. The effort would kill you.**

**Rey: So no… This is something else.**

Ben’s chest tightened and he swallowed thickly. 

That… was not what he expected. 

Whoever this _Rey_ was had just cut straight through him. Life _had_ failed him, and in far more ways than Han’s death. Ben had suffered his own existential crisis. Who hadn’t? Yet he was still a successful professor, one in high demand on speaking engagements. There were certainly times he went through the motions, dead on the inside, but deep down he still had dreams. In self preservation he had buried them deeply, trying to forget them, striving to find normalcy in complacency. 

He was never a dream killer, just heartbroken and angry. Angry. Angry and wanted an outlet. He had chosen the wrong one. 

_Who_ is _this person?_

The profile icon for ‘Rey’ was completely unhelpful. Just a beach at sunset with a silhouette of the account holder. How vague. Ben clicked on his accuser's profile. 

Scrolling through shared memes on her timeline was just as futile as looking at her profile picture. The user rarely gave actual status updates. He tried clicking on the ‘about’ tab. 

**Coffee Barista at Barnes and Noble in Town Center, Jacksonville, FL**

**Graduate student at the University of North Florida**

**Lives in Jacksonville, FL**

Scrolling down, he saw a moderate amount of friends. 

Next were the pictures. He clicked on the first one and clicked through the various group photos from last semester’s graduation. There were landscape and beach pictures from summer vacation. So an unoriginal commoner with cliche’ highlights of her boring life. 

Then came a selfie with a friend.

Ben froze, mouth agape.

Oh, crap! 

Oh, CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

It was _the girl._ The one from the Jacksonville event he attended last week. The one woman he had dared to let himself dream about before his most recent encounter with disappointment and death stole his dreams once again. _Who was really the disillusioned one?_ Perhaps his anger was about more than just his father’s passing. Perhaps this was because he had allowed himself to envision something more for his future just in time to have the other shoe drop. 

The only woman he had felt a connection to, the only person in this galaxy he could envision anything with. The urgency of his father’s illness had already prevented him from obtaining her contact information. He already knew the chances of finding her again were slim. But now he had insulted her. Belittled her. Embarrassed her. 

Ben was uncertain what atrocity he had committed in some past life that he was now suffering punishment for, but he must have been in the ranks of Hitler, Genghis Khan, or Richard Nixon. At least he knew he wasn’t Justin Beiber; he wasn’t dead yet. Unfortunately.

Ben slammed his elbows down on the desk on each side of his laptop, buried his face in his hands, and screamed into them. “Idiot!”

He should just log off, go back to bed, and forget he ever met this girl. Cursor hovering over “log off,” he stopped himself. Torn. Should he just give up on her? Tuck his tail and run? He groaned once again, slamming his fist down on the desk. 

“Ben?” His mom called from his doorway. “You okay, hon? I heard all sorts of angry… sounds.” There was concern in her voice. She was grieving more deeply than him and yet she still showed concern. Ben refused to face her. She had enough problems already, he didn’t need to drag her in his. 

“No big deal, mom.” Ben rubbed his hand across the stubble on his chin. “I’m just an idiot.”

Leia chuckled. “Well… you come by it honestly. The nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.” There was humor in her voice, tinged slightly with sadness. She walked up behind him and placed her small hand on his shoulder. A comforting squeeze indicated her fondness toward both the ‘nut’ and the ‘tree.’ 

Ben answered her with silence, looking back at the picture on his computer of the beautiful woman he had already blown it with. His mother shifted to the side and leaned in to observe his computer screen. She was still in her pajamas, hair in a braid.

“Ah,” Leia scoffed in amusement. “Lady troubles, I see.” Ben hung his head again. “Well, if it’s any consolation, your father was rather ridiculous and idiotic and yet he somehow endeared himself to me.”

“How?”

“Well… He never pretended to be anything that he wasn’t.” She shrugged, eyes growing distant. “He was an airforce pilot with serious adrenal rush problems. And a bit of a scoundrel... But when I saw that he was a man in love and would do anything to care for me, I just... “ Leia trailed off and a wistful smile bloomed on her face. 

“I see,” Ben mumbled. He wasn’t sure if this was actually supposed to be encouraging. 

“Whatever you did, just own it. Do better in the future. Let her see the real Ben Solo. If she’s the one for you, she’ll love you for who you are. You deserve to be loved for yourself, Ben. So just be you, honey.”

Ben looked back at the screen. He studied her hazel eyes, the sparkle of her white teeth between his favorite shade of pink. His heart felt empty and his spirit longed. He opened the messenger window back up. She was logged off. He closed his eyes and sighed in exasperation. 

He thought some more and stared longer at the computer screen. Then he clicked back onto her picture. He didn’t want to give up. Not on her. Not yet. 

Not ever, he thought with the acute pain of desperation.

He opened Messenger again. Her offline status could work in his benefit. He would have time to consider the best way to eat crow and she would have time to calm down before reading his concession. 

**Kylo Ren: I have very strong opinions for very good, but personal reasons. Nevertheless, I will concede. They are not as extreme as I have led you to believe.**

He sat staring at the screen until the words doubled. Blinking the double-vision away, he tried to envision the situation from her point of view. What could he say to fix _this_? If he could behave himself around Uncle Luke, he could do this. She was on the internet, so it should be easier. 

**Kylo: I could also keep certain opinions to myself. Especially those I know will cause offence unnecessarily. You asked for help. Of all people on the forum, a professor in the field of study should not have behaved in such a way.**

**Rey: that almost sounds like it’s supposed to be an apology, but it really wasn’t.**

Ben’s eyes widened in surprise. She must have notifications set up on her phone. He hadn’t expected an immediate reply. She wanted an apology. A real apology. _Geez….._

**………**

Rey shook her head at the nonsense of his strange man. She assumed it was a man. What kind of a name is Kylo anyway? Whatever. 

**Kylo: okay…**

If he even knew what an apology was.

**Rey: It kinda goes something like, “I’m sorry...” or “I apologize...”**

**Kylo Ren is typing…..**

**Rey: I’m waiting…**

**Kylo: Fine.**

**Kylo: I’m sorry.**

**Rey: That was really hard for you, wasn’t it?**

**Kylo: Yeah… I don’t usually apologize. Or talk to people really. Or more specifically, talking to them amicably.**

**Rey: Hmmm…. You were able to pull off an apology after all. Maybe you’re not as evil as I thought you were.**

**Kylo: No… I’m probably much worse.**

**Rey: We’ll see, I suppose.**

Rey clicked her phone closed. Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and her heart was conflicted. 

He had embarrassed and offended her, but he did apologize. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone deserves a bit of compassion. God only knew what nightmare his life had been to make him that way.

Her text alert chimed. 

**Poe: Saturday movie starts at 6pm. I can pick you up at 5:30 so we have time to buy snacks and get seated. That work?**

Poe… again… 

She needed to get some work done, not be distracted by weird men. 

Rey had already decided to give this date thing a go, but her chest constricted at the thought of him picking her up. It was a traditional date thing to do. But if he picked her up then she would be dependent on him to get home. The thought of depending on someone else made her sick. Reminded herself that she didn’t have to bow to the whims of others, she could choose for herself. So she did just that.

**Rey: Actually, I’ll meet you there.**

**Poe: I’d prefer to just pick you up. Ya know, chivalry and all that white horse, shiny armor stuff.**

Rey made a face at her phone. Sure he was just trying to impress her and all, but he was also being a bit pushy. It was kinda off-putting. She had always been independent. If she was going to be in a relationship with someone, she wanted to be herself. 

**Rey: Thanks for the offer. But feminism and I’m a strong, independent woman and all that stuff.**

**Poe: Fair enough. See you Saturday.**

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> International Observe the Moon Day is amazing! Always during a half moon. [Here's more details on the one for 2020.](https://moon.nasa.gov/observe-the-moon/annual-event/overview/)
> 
> Information about using filters for a telescope. [Celestron's Youtube Video "What Are Eyepiece Filters?"](https://youtu.be/TXdaXioEdgc)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another thanks to my friends and my betas, BasicAlliments and PenofaPolski. It is such a pleasure to work with them. We have so much fun writing stories together. This wouldn't be fun without them. I love you, guys!
> 
> Make sure you check out the end notes for more links.

###  **"The Starry Midnight Whispers"**

by Bliss Carman

The starry midnight whispers,

As I muse before the fire

On the ashes of ambition

And the embers of desire,

"Life has no other logic,

And time no other creed,

Than: 'I for joy will follow.

Where thou for love dost lead!'"

  
  


.............

Ben was finalizing the syllabi for his upcoming fall semester University courses. Not having any summer courses, he had no need to take any bereavement leave for his father’s death. Classes began next week. He would normally do this tedious computer work from home, like a normal person. Unfortunately, the professor in his department responsible for planning educational outreach events decided to have another unnecessary meeting. Ben gritted his teeth knowing this meeting would be another dumpster fire. 

The meeting wasn’t until later, but Ben came in early to avoid traffic. He brought his lunch, not because he couldn’t afford to buy it, but because buying food meant he would be required to order from people, stand in line near people, and walk by people. Ben didn’t feel like being around people. 

Today’s lunch featured leftovers from the massive amount of Chinese food his mother had ordered for them to share before he left for his own home. Ben lived within Boulder’s city limits, but was far outside the metropolis part of the city, whereby he could enjoy the seclusion of the mountains and the blissfulness of a dark sky. His mother resided in the neighboring city of Denver, about an hour away. He had stayed with his mother while Han was in the hospital and afterwards until the funeral passed and they both were ready to face the reality of life going on. 

With the funeral behind him, it was now time to return to normal. Not that there ever really could be normal again. How do you return to normal when the man who raised you was no longer on this earth? No, he would never be able to return to what was once considered to be normal. Basically, he would have to start doing life stuff again and try to redefine normal. A new normal. A normal that involved a life without his father in it. 

Ben huffed at his lack of progress, having been bogged down from his emoting once again. He needed a break. It was early for lunch, but he decided to eat anyway. 

Ben walked down the hallway towards the lounge where he stored his food. While he walked, he allowed himself the guilty pleasure of thinking about _the girl._ She was part of his effort to find a new normal. For some strange reason, he couldn’t let this go. She lived thousands of miles away and he had made a jerk of himself online with her already. The obvious answer would be to let it go and move on. But he couldn’t. Perhaps it was a distraction from the hole in his life that his father had left. Perhaps he was having an old, biological clock-is-ticking phase. Did men even get those? He had recently turned thirty. 

The reason really didn’t matter. Ben just knew he wanted this more than anything he had wanted in a very long time. He needed to find a reason to talk to her again. 

She had asked for help planning an event, perhaps he could help her with it. He had access to a plethora of resources, after all. He purposed to talk to the various TA’s and professors in his department to see about acquiring resources for Rey’s event. They always had boxes of extra educational supplies, booklets, posters, cards, etc. away in closets, gathering dust and taking up space. He could accomplish two things simultaneously: get some much needed supplies to Rey for her event, thus restoring himself into her good graces, and clear out some clutter from their college storage closets. 

Arriving at the lounge, he dug his food out of the fridge, popped it in the microwave, and pulled out his phone. He stalked to a table and sat down to message Rey while his food warmed. Though he rarely logged onto Facebook and did not have the app, he could still access the private messaging feature through the web browser on his phone. 

**Kylo Ren: Hey Rey. I have connections with various TA’s and professors that have helped organize kids events previously. I have no doubt they will provide an abundance of information and ideas for you. I will gather it into a document and send it your way. You use google docs?**

Rey responded promptly and Ben was eager to engage her in conversation while he had her. His lips curled into a soft smile and he continued messaging her. She seemed skeptical regarding his offer at first, but quickly (surprisingly so) warmed up to him. Ben shook his head, exasperated at himself. He was like a teenager talking to the captain of the cheerleading team. What was it about this woman that had him so entranced? She made him feel so alive.

The slam of the microwave door pulled Ben’s attention and his head snapped up to observe. His lunch sat on the counter next to the microwave, clearly still cold. A familiar, red-headed professor leaned on the counter watching the microwave cook something that wasn’t Ben’s food. 

“Hux, did you just take my food out of the microwave while it was cooking?” 

“Some of us have to adhere to strict schedules and aren’t afforded the luxury of playing on our phones during break.” Hux retorted. “Your meal can obviously wait until you’re done with your Tinder profile update.” 

“Sorry… just answering a message. From your mother.”

Ben looked up in time to catch Hux gaping. He smirked to himself while he watched the ginger’s face turn a shade similar to his hair. Obviously having won this round of banter, he returned to his messages. Rey was joking with him now. This was positive. 

And slightly suspicious. 

Things rarely went well with Ben, especially when it came to relationships, Specifically, new relationships. He typed out another reply, thumbs barely able to keep up with his thoughts and then flipped over to his email to send a message to his colleagues requesting the information he promised to gather for Rey.

In his peripheral, he saw Hux storm to the table at the other end of the lounge, near the door. The microwave continued to hum and pops of exploding food joined the melody. The rhythm of pops became increasingly more rapid and the stench of singed food filled the room.

“Are you ever going to get your food out of the microwave?” Ben asked Hux without looking up from his screen. 

“I did,” Hux said without further elaboration. 

Ben looked around to see who else’s food could be making all that noise before registering that it must be his own. Bounding across the break room in only a few long strides, he opened the microwave to find General Tso’s and Sesame Beef sauces creating modern art on all six sides of the appliance. And a bite was missing from his crab rangoon. 

Ben slowly turned his head to glare at Hux. A final pop sounded from the microwave and a piece of chicken landed on his face. Hux preened. And Ben’s forbearance snapped. 

Stomping across the room, Ben approached his antagonistic colleague. Hux folded in on himself like a swatted spider. Ben spotted a salt shaker on the table and broke into a maniacal grin. He grabbed the salt shaker, pulled the lid off, and dumped the entire contents onto Hux’s food. 

“You! You! You can’t do that!” Hux sputtered.

Ben tossed the salt shaker into Hux’s lap and headed toward the door. “You can finish my lunch for me since you already took a bite out of it.” As he exited the lounge, he looked back over his shoulder and saw Hux grinding his teeth. “Your mother will be appalled when I tell her of your poor manners.”

As Ben slogged his way back to his office, he realized he still had yet to respond to Rey’s expression of appreciation for his help. He pulled out his phone. A picture of his mother illuminated the screen as it vibrated in his hand. Rey would have to wait. He answered the call.

“Hey mom.”

Her labored breathing hitched, but she did not respond.

“Mom?”

“Ben, honey…” Her voice broke on his name. 

“What is it, mom? Talk to me.” Ben quietly closed the door to his office, rounded his desk, and sat down in his chair. He swiveled back and forth slowly, trying his best to bury his trepidation. She was weeping. His mother never let herself fall apart like this. “I’m here, mom. It’s okay.”

“I know,” she choked out. After a few hiccups, she managed to grind out a few more words. “I thought I was strong enough to handle all of this, but I’m not. I have so much to do to probate this will. I feel so alone.”

Tears stung Ben’s eyes. He stood up and began packing his bag, intending to run to his mother’s side.

“You’re not alone, mom. I’m coming. I’ll help you.”

“Thank you son.” Her crying was slowly calming. “I know I’m asking a lot of you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. You took care of me while I was little, now it’s my turn to take care of you.” Ben zipped up his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. “I can take two weeks of bereavement leave and handle all the paperwork and proceedings for you.” He turned out the light in his office and locked the door behind him.

“I’ll leave the door open for you, then. And son?” Leia waited for him to acknowledge his full attention.

“Yeah, mom?”

“You’re not alone either.”

……..

It was one of the last free days Rey would have before classes began, so she decided to spend it out and about. Having thought deeply about Old Ben’s words to her, she had created a new Pinterest board full of upcycled clothing ideas. Her plan for the day included eating lunch at her favorite restaurant before hitting up several thrift stores for old t-shirts for her experiments.

Rey was standing in line at the _Blaze Pizza_ for her turn to order when her phone pinged a new Facebook Message.

**Kylo Ren: Hey Rey. I have connections with various TA’s and professors that have helped organize kids events previously. I have no doubt they will provide an abundance of information and ideas for you. I will gather it into a document and send it your way. You use google docs?**

Rey read the message from Kylo Ren three times. She still didn’t understand what in the world was happening. She hadn’t heard from Kylo since their last disastrous conversation, which was over a week ago. She also hadn’t received any helpful responses from either forum she had posted in regarding her upcoming event. Not even a single commenter had posted except for the troll who was now texting her. Texting her to offer his help. Suspicious. Very suspicious. 

Rey bit her lip. Why was he of all people reaching out to her now? It even sounded like he would be going through quite a bit of trouble to help her. She couldn’t wrap her mind around someone so vaguely connected to her putting effort into helping her. Those who were destined by parenthood and adoption to help her instead had been the source of her greatest challenges, so why would someone like Kylo make such an effort to help her? She was inconsequential to his existence. What was in it for him to help her? Maybe he was punking her. 

**Rey: What’s this?**

**Rey: You’re helping me?**

**Kylo Ren: I’m trying to.**

**Rey: But… little kids making life harder on those who take astronomy seriously.**

**Kylo Ren: *rolls eyes***

**Kylo Ren: I would try to explain to you the blackhole that is my soul, but I don't think you’d care to hear a sob story from a grown man. Can you just accept my peace offering?**

So there _was_ more to him. She couldn’t help but feel intrigued. Something hurt this man, splitting his spirit to the bone. And _now_ something else had him reaching for better. Rey was curious to know what all of these ‘somethings’ were.

**Rey: Okay. I’ll check out the document when you send it.**

**Rey: This better not be an elaborate Rickroll joke.**

**Kylo Ren: You already know me so well.**

**Kylo Ren: For real, I’ll get this document to you as soon as I have everyone’s responses.**

**Rey: RIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHT**

**Kylo Ren: you know, it almost feels like there’s supposed to be “thanks” in there.**

**Kylo Ren: It’s my understanding it often looks something like this: You say thank you**

**Kylo Ren: and I say: you’re welcome**

A bark laugh escapes Rey’s lips. She turns around quickly, hoping she didn’t disturb others or embarrass herself with a weird bark of laughter. 

**Rey: are you teasing me?**

**Rey: and did you just make a Moana joke?**

**Kylo Ren: maybe**

Rey grinned so hard at her phone that she felt the muscles in her cheeks pull taunt. She must not smile that wide often enough. How strange that it would be _him_ to cause it. 

**Rey: I bet you’re smirking at your phone right now, you snarky halfwit. You must think you’re soooooooo funny.**

**Kylo Ren: This is really hard for you isn’t it?**

**Rey: Oh my god, stoppppppppp**

**Kylo: I’m waiting...**

**Rey: Looks like you’re gonna be waiting a while then.**

**Kylo Ren: [skeleton meme] Me waiting on Rey to say ‘thank you.’**

Rey caught herself giggling. 

“Miss!” Rey’s head snaps up and sees that it is her turn to order. 

Sitting down in a booth with her lunch, she reread her conversation with Kylo, not realizing that she was snuggling deeper into the warm, dark cardigan. 

She felt closer to the handsome star-man when she wore it. As stupid and embarrassingas it may be, she craved him. He who was practically a stranger. She couldn’t even remember his name. For some reason, messaging Kylo today also made her feel closer to the man she met that night. The man she met while under the glow of the stars and the radiance of moonbeams.

**Rey: Thank you, Kylo. This is very thoughtful of you.**

************

Ben arrived home and began packing. He had no idea how long he would be staying, so he figured a week’s worth of clothing would be a good start and he could always do laundry at his mom’s house. While he was gathering the items from his mental packing list, he started making a separate mental to-do list. He needed to contact HR and file for the bereavement time he didn’t think would need to take. Next, he would have to create a lesson plan for his students to complete on their own while he was away.

He zipped up his suitcase and then attempted to unzip his computer bag. His fingers fumbled at the zipper, dropping it several times. His heart was pounding, anxious to get to his mother. She never cried like that in front of him. She needed him. Finally opening the bag, he reached for his computer and it slipped from his sweaty hands back down into his bag. Ben stood up straight, closed his eyes, and breathed. 

He needed to calm down. He would be no good, trying to work while in such a state. He needed a clear mind and nerves of steel. Tears pricked behind his eyes when he realized that he needed to be more like dad. Dad could handle anything. The entire world could be burning down and his father would find a way to put everyone at ease with some snarky, cliche quip and _still_ save the day with a half baked plan. 

Ben walked calmly, more calmly than he felt, to his desk and sat down. 

_Fake it ‘til ya make it, kid._

Ben still wasn’t sure what that meant exactly or mechanics behind it. He decided to _try_ to take his father’s advice for once instead of being the ‘contentious lil’ snot’ his father often labeled him as, and accurately so. 

He ignored the frantic beats of his heart as he pulled out his laptop and opened it. While logging into his email, he mentally worked through the wording of his email to HR. When the inbox loaded, there were several messages from his colleagues already offering resources and advice for Rey. Several agreed that it was a great opportunity to clean out some of the clutter in the storage closets. He compiled all the information into a single Google document to forward onto her and then arranged for one of his colleagues to ship the boxes to Rey on his behalf while he was away on bereavement leave. 

**Kylo Ren: I don’t know how you feel about this, but several of my colleagues at the university have come forward and donated astronomical magazines, star guides, moon maps, other information pamphlets and supplies, etc. If you’re willing to share your mailing address, I will have it shipped to you.**

  
  


Ben sat back in his chair. Once he was at his mom’s he didn’t know what he would be facing, and he wanted to be fully present for her. He decided it was best for him to settle all his affairs before arriving at his mother’s. He fired off an email to HR to finalize his leave then set to work on his lesson plans. While he worked, he messaged Rey and she provided a light-hearted distraction from the turmoil brewing within him.

**********

Rey was in the thrift store, sifting through t-shirts. They were all the same price so she meticulously inspected one after another. 

This one was too worn and the fabric was pilling. Not the right size. There’s a stain. She had a small pile already in her arms that had made the first cut. They will have to endure an upcoming second cut when she whittlesdown her findings to only three shirts. She would have some time to play around with some designs and see if she could wear something fresh before she met Poe for the movie.

Rey couldn’t afford brand-new clothing at a normal store. She had always worn “new to her” clothing. After scavenging Pinterest, she had two new boards: a no-sew board and a sew board. She did not know how to sew, nor did she own a sewing machine, but she did have aspirations. If a sewing machine that’s affordable dropped into her lap, she would have plans ready for it.

Rey’s phone buzzed in her pocket. Shifting her collection, she pulled it out. It was a private message on Facebook. 

**Kylo Ren: I don’t know how you feel about this, but several of my colleagues at the university have come forward and donated astronomical magazines, star guides, moon maps, other information pamphlets and supplies, etc. If you’re willing to share your mailing address, I will have it shipped to you.**

Rey looked at her phone in disbelief, biting her lip. 

Kylo collecting the word document of ideas and suggestions was going far above her expectations. This was downright weird.

**Rey: Why are you doing this?**

**Kylo: Doing what?**

**Rey: This! Helping me!**

**Rey: This is a lot of effort to help some stranger on the internet.**

Rey shifted her loot to her other arm. It was heavy and this conversation was becoming more complicated than she anticipated. She decided to speak plainly.

**Rey: Look... you insulted me bc you were going through something personal and needed an outlet. You don’t owe me anything. An apology was sufficient. The word document was very thoughtful. You don’t have to do anything more.**

**Kylo: I didn’t intend to make you uncomfortable. I understand not sharing your address with a stranger on the internet.**

Rey huffed before walking to the front of the store to retrieve a shopping cart. She couldn’t message him like this with her arms full. There was no need to continue this conversation. She knew she shouldn’t, but she couldn’t help herself. She was drawn to him. She dumped her stuff into the buggy and settled in a low traffic area of the store, where the ugly bridesmaid dresses from the 80’s resided. 

**Rey: It’s not that. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound suspicious. I’m just shocked.**

Rey sighed. The printed materials _would_ be an amazing addition to the night. _And_ she would have a reason to continue talking to him.

**Rey: The materials would be a tremendous help.**

**Kylo Ren: I won’t stalk you. But if I ever decide I need my horoscope read to me I’ll at least know where I can start looking for you.**

**Rey: Sure! $50 and I’ll tell you your horoscope. I’ll even throw in a lucky rabbit’s foot keychain too, on the house. Ya know, for being the one who discovered my talent. I may even branch out and learn how to read tarot cards while I’m at it.**

**Kylo: Just need your address, Madam Cleo.**

Rey huffed out a long breath, puffing out her cheeks. What would she do about the delivery? If they were delivered to her college address, she would have to pick them up in the mail room and then lug them up the stairs to her dorm room. Then back down the stairs once again to take to the event. Rey ground her teeth imagining the great weight of the boxes since they would be filled with print materials. There was also the tedious matter of finding space in her tiny room to store them. 

Nope.

Maybe Old Ben Kenobi would allow her to have the materials delivered there. Rey brightened at her idea. She would need to get his address first and confirm his approval. 

**Rey: I live in a college dorm. Storage and delivery could be tricky. Let me see what I can work out.**

**Kylo: Sure. Let me know.**

She sent off a quick text to Old Ben regarding what great luck she had encountered and about the collection of ideas and activities from Kylo and the prospect of so many free print materials. She awaited his response.

Rey decided to forgo any further foraging for clothing and narrow down selections to three winning shirts. She paid and left, anxious to get started on her clothing experiment while she still had time left before the movie with Poe tonight. Her departure had nothing to do with her mind whirling with thoughts of a certain tall, dark-haired star-man and a generous but broody stranger named Kylo. 

…….

Rey had managed to upcycle one of her “new” shirts. The neckline was boat-shaped now and trimmed with braided fabric. The sleeves were fashioned with a cute tie at the end. She wore her nice pair of jeans and some flats. 

Looking at herself in the mirror, she liked what she saw. A girl with options and choices. She looked more feminine and felt more confident. She grabbed _the_ hoodie on her way out in case the theater was cold. 

After setting the car into park at the theater, she checked her phone before climbing out. She had a message from old Ben with his address. She opened Facebook messenger.

**Rey: I talked to the guy I am working with to plan the event. He said you could mail them to his house.**

**Rey: 66 Tusken Raider Rd, Jacksonville, FL 32205**

**Rey: Just don’t stalk me.**

**Rey: Or him.**

**Rey: Since it’s his address.**

**Rey: I’m going to stop now.**

A knock on her window startled her and Rey dropped her phone. Poe’s muffled chuckling set her on edge. Rey waited until she was facing down in search of her phone before she let herself indulge in an eyeroll. 

This guy was just so high energy and sometimes it really just annoyed the crap out of her. Which is hypocritical because Rey was a high energy person herself. She just needed to learn more tolerance. What is it they say? The characteristics in others that most frustrate you are the same ones you possess. 

Rey heaved a sigh. She didn’t want to change who she was. Could she be herself and yet be simultaneously annoyed at others who are similar to her? Whatever. Another mystery she could question the universe about another time.

Rey’s grip finally found purchase on the wayward cell phone and she climbed out of the car. 

Poe’s smile was wide and his arms open. _Why are his arms open?_

“Hey there, beautiful! Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!” He gestured with his arms for her to hug him. She just stared at him… like he was a freak. He waved his hands, signalling her forward and then invaded her personal space. 

“Sure.” She says through clenched teeth, trying to be calm. His arms were around her. Rey tried to raise her arms to return the embrace, but they just kept flinching like she has tourettes or something. Finally, she managed an awkward pat on the back before he released her. 

“So… you ready to see the movie?” He asked, very enthusiastically. If he was trying to counter her lack of enthusiasm with extra on his end, it wasn’t working.

She fell in step with him. “Wait. I want to go back and grab my hoodie. It might get cold in the theater.” She turned back toward her car. 

“You don’t have to use a jacket, Rey. I can help keep you warm.” 

There were no words. 

None.

Rey was suddenly very thankful for all the previous lack of interest from men. Poe wasn’t intending to be a sleeze-ball. He was just trying too hard.

He followed her back to her car without saying anything more. The golden silence was broken by the groaning of her car door. Rey leaned into the car to retrieve the hoodie and momentarily wished she could just sit in her car for two hours instead of going to this movie. 

She hasn’t seen any of the Avengers movies. She never read comic books. She knew the names of a select few super heros. That was about it. She couldn’t be less interested in this movie right now. She suspected that she would have no clue what was happening. She sighed again. 

“I’ve already paid for our tickets. We just need to grab some snacks.” Poe said more calmly from beside her. Perhaps he had finally taken the hint.

“I’ll cover the snacks then.” Perhaps that would deter him from making any further romantic passes at her. She resumed her trek to the theater.

“Rey,” Poe stepped in front of her to stop her. “This was intended to be a date so I would like to pay. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do. But you don’t seem very enthusiastic about all of this.” He had made a statement, but his eyebrows lifted in question. 

Rey looked down from his eyes and fingered the hoodie for comfort. She gnawed the inside of her mouth while gathering her thoughts. “I’m sorry, Poe. I have never been on a date and I’m very nervous right now. I know nothing about superheroes and so I’m afraid I’m going to be terribly lost during this whole movie ‘cause I’ve never read any of-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Poe placed both his arms softly on her elbows and hunched down towards her. His eyes showed growing concern. “Rey, look at me a sec.”

Rey looked up and felt safer now than she had before. It was similar to when he had calmed her down right after pulling her off her mugger. She gulped in relief, closed her eyes and took in the first deep breath since he banged on her window.

“I overdid it.” He continued talking softly to her. “You’re a beautiful woman who artfully kicked the crap out of her attacker. I never would have come on so strongly if I had any idea you had so little dating experience. Let me still pay for the snacks to make it up to you, but let me take all the pressure off you.” His face was sober and his eyes intense, like he was dealing with a cornered wild animal. “Let’s be friends tonight and see how you’re feeling as it goes on. I’ll let you make the first move if you want to. But if you don’t want to, it’s fine.” 

He squeezed her elbows, still looking at her with pleading eyes. “I mean it. I’ll joke and tease with you because that’s just who I am. But I’ll let you make any future moves, okay? Let’s just have a good time. I would offer to change movies, but the tickets are already paid for.”

Rey melted in relief. “You’re not offended?” Poe shook his head. “I’m so relieved.” She felt a heavy weight lift off of her shoulders. She took a deep breath, not even having realized that she had resorted to shallow defensive breathing. She relaxed her posture, grateful for his understanding, sensitivity, and compassion.

“Hey, listen, okay? I think you’re a pretty cool chick. Having more friends is never a bad thing. Neither of us have anything to lose tonight. If you end up deciding to take a step in the romantic direction, we both win. If you want to keep it on a friends level, we still win.”

She hugged him then. Poe was kind enough to reciprocate, but with the appropriate distance that would be fit for a friend. Maybe her lack of experience was a turn off for him. At least it came in handy somehow.

“By the way, cool shirt.” Rey smiled widely at him before a vibration in her pocket vibrated pulled her attention. Checking her notifications, she smiled as soon as she saw who it was.

**Kylo Ren: Thanks for the address. I’ll have the boxes in the mail this week.**

Poe was dead-silent, watching her. Noticing his new found reticence, Rey looked up at him. He erupted into a huge smile. 

“I see. Someone else has Rey’s attention. That explains a lot.” 

Rey was horrified. “No! I don’t know him hardly at all. He’s just helping me with some astronomy thing for kids and he offered to send me some stuff for it and I don’t even know very well or anyth-” Poe’s bark of laughter interrupted her. 

“You should see your face, Rey!” He was still laughing. Rey reeled from embarrassment, feeling the heat of a furious blush crawl up her neck and rest in her cheeks. At least he wasn’t mad or jealous. Small mercies.

“Is that his hoodie too?” Poe pointed to the bundle of fabric in her arms. 

…..

She was perched in Han’s old chair when he walked into the living room. 

His mother looked awful. Absolutely awful. Dark circles rimmed blood shot eyes, hair frizzing out of a day-old braid down her back, and she was still in her pajamas. Leia never lounged around the house in pajamas. _When was the last time she actually slept?_

“Mom…” 

She wiped at her cheeks. 

“I never wanted you to see me this way, Ben. I’m so sorry. I just don’t know who else would really understand and would know what they were doing.” 

He nodded, eyes on the floor, tracing the patterns of the decorative rug. He wasn’t sure if he should pull her up out of the chair and into a hug or make her a cup of tea and talk calmly with her. He was so lost. 

His mother had mercy on him and climbed out of the chair, sniffling. “Let’s get some coffee, Ben. Sit down and talk about what all needs to be done.”

As she neared him, he hugged her small form. He held her while she cried into his chest. He just let her. 

Hours later, he sat at the table with his laptop open, creating spreadsheets and flow charts for everything concerning the estate. It was his way of feeling more in control while dealing with an out-of-control situation. His computer pinged an incoming message from Facebook. 

**Rey: I talked to the guy I am working with to plan the event. He said you could mail them to his house.**

Ben blinked at the screen. 

_A guy?_

The next few messages came in rapid fire.

**Rey: 66 Tusken Raider Rd, Jacksonville, FL 32205**

**Rey: Just don’t stalk me.**

**Rey: Or him.**

**Rey: Since it’s his address.**

**Rey: I’ll stop now.**

Ben stared numbly at the computer. She was working with a guy to host a large event. Did that mean something? She goes to his house, she has his address. Perhaps he had read her wrong. 

There was a deep thud when his elbows hit the desk on either side of his laptop. He threaded his fingers through his hair and then tugged. The pain of his scalp was a faint echo of what lurked just beneath the surface. He threw himself back against the chair, crossed his arms, and let out a series of huffs. He wanted to break something and clenched his fists until they ached. 

She was supposed to be his distraction. The one good thing in his life as the ground shook beneath him. And now she was potentially involved with someone else. Sure, hosting the event together and being in possession of his address didn’t mean anything was going on romantically between them but it also didn’t mean that there wasn’t anything going on either. And now was not the time to take chances with his heart. He was already close to a breaking point and he wanted to be strong for his mother. He _had_ to be strong for his mother.

He couldn’t put any more mental or emotional energy into this girl. He couldn’t. He sent a message to confirm the forthcoming shipment of the supplies and logged out of Facebook. 

He would have to find other ways to cope than picking fights with pretty strangers on Facebook or texting a high-spirited girl. 

And that was that. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Astronomy Magazine's [website](http://www.astronomy.com)
> 
> [Rey's up-cycled shirt](https://www.byambershands.com/2019/06/04/no-sew-t-shirt-refashion/)
> 
> I attended the University of North Florida's Teacher Workshop for the Solar Eclipse in 2017. Afterwards, I organized a large educational outreach event for students and discovered the NEFAS group at that time. One of the members had upgraded his telescope and gifted his older one to me. NEFAS also donated several magazines and other educational print materials for me to distribute to students. Those wonderful gifts were my inspiration for this chapter. [Here is a picture of the same model I was given.](https://www.cloudynights.com/gallery/image/48330-20170623-232549/)


	6. Chapter 6

Ben opened his laptop while sitting at his desk in his childhood room, safely sequestered away from people and lawyers. He leaned back in the computer chair, rubbing his eyes with his hand. He reminded himself to breathe. 

_Deep breath in. 1...2...3...4...5..._

_Now out…1...2...3...4...5..._

The days had passed in a blur since he had arrived once again at his mother’s house to help her. So many documents and phone calls. Restructuring accounts. Realigning assets. He still had yet to transfer Han’s social security payments to his mother. The thought of another meeting or phone call made his innards constrict.

Despite his best efforts to avoid it, memories of the funeral continued bombarding his mind. It happened. He was there. He took part appropriately: read the eulogy, spoke a few words, and carried the casket as a pallbearer. He didn’t want to remember. Alas, the docket didn’t look to be empty anytime soon and all of the tedious actions served as a constant reminder. When he closed his eyes, he could still see them folding the American flag and presenting it to his mother and hear the roar of jet engines as they flew above the grave sight in the “missing man” formation. He imagined his dad flying along with them. 

Fending off the memories, he sat straight up in his chair, intending to return to work. He had student emails to return and more paperwork to complete for the estate and will probation. He thought about Rey. He wanted to message her and longed for just a single ray of cheerfulness that only she seemed to bring him.

He sat back once again and swiveled back and forth in his chair while cracking each knuckle of his right hand with his thumb. For whatever crazy, stupid reason, he was uncharacteristicly drawn to this woman. That made this a dangerous venture for him in his current state if things went south. His anger over her potential involvement with another man had waned over the last few days. He wanted to talk to her again, but he knew it was unwise to risk it right now. If she was involved with someone else, he knew he couldn’t handle it. Perhaps in a few months, when the pain of losing his father wasn’t so fresh and his mother didn’t need him to be strong for her, perhaps _then_ he could reach to her once more and try again. 

Resolute, he sat up and worked with a renewed vigor. 

…………..

Rey’s shift at the coffee shop was almost over. It was Saturday, exactly a week after her ‘date’ with Poe, and Rey anticipated the end of her work day, leaving in the afternoon today, instead of closing. She didn’t mind closing, but it would be nice to have an evening to herself. She planned to work ahead in a few of her classes and possibly upcycle another one of her shirts from Goodwill.

Rey looked toward the door when she heard the chime and spotted old Ben entering. Meeting him at the register with a gleam in her eye, she spoke. “Same as last time, Mr. Kenobi?”

“You already know me so well, Rey.” The elderly man smiled at her while reaching for his wallet. 

She waved him off. “It’s on the house.” 

“Why, thank you.” He put away his wallet. “Can you spare a few minutes to sit with me?”

“I’m off in five, actually.”

“That’s even better.” He smiled his lazy, relaxed smile at her and Rey preened at the positive attention. It was a rare gift to have the approval of a fatherly figure, so she allowed herself to revel in it. 

Sliding into a chair across him a few minutes later, Rey settled herself in the leather booth and began to relax, rolling her shoulders to release some tension. She expected a conversation tone similar to that of previous time they met here and was surprised when the old man leaned forward with a very serious expression on his face.

“You must come with me to Alderaan.”

_What in the blazes was that supposed to mean?!_ Rey was certain there was visible confusion on her face.

“It’s my neighborhood. You need to come see what arrived from that Kylo fellow. I don’t know what all he told you to expect in the mail, but I don’t think this was it.”

Rey’s face paled. Did he send her something inappropriate? Was he tooling with her? An elaborate prank? “What….. What did he send?” The apprehension in her voice reflected the drop her stomach took. 

“Come with me. You can follow me home and we can go through it.”

Rey checked the time on her cell and sent off a quick message through her Messenger app before standing and following the elderly man out the door. 

**Rey: What did you do?!**

**Kylo Ren is currently offline.**

…….

The road under him rumbled and bumped as Ben neared the private airport. Passing the final curve, the rusted, weather-worn sign came into view and Ben pulled the gear shift into neutral and slowed down to turn. Pulling into the gate, the gravel of the parking area crunched under the tires of his truck. After engaging the parking brake, Ben sat in his truck, staring at the planes. There was a row of three propeller planes; in the middle sat his father’s plane- now _his_ plane. 

Behind the row of planes sat a small pond and beyond that stretched the landing strip. The landing strip was mowed-down grass, bordered by PVC pipes sticking out of the group. It could best be described as primitive, but oh, the fun-loving freedom he and his father had experienced at this humble airport. 

He climbed out of his truck and leaned against it, staring at his father’s beloved airplane. It was mostly white, with a blue tipped nose and propeller and a red stripe down the side. Ben wiped his hand down his face, wondering why he had come here if he was attempting to not think about his father’s death. 

Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and turned to look at the hangar where a fourth plane sat. Slowing emerging from the shadow of the dark hanger was his father’s oldest friend: Peter Mayhew. The tall man hobbled on a cane over to Ben.

Ben observed his godfather as the old man neared. He had shoulder-length, salt and pepper hair, which he pulled into a ponytail at the nape of his neck. Dark rimmed glasses bordered bright blue eyes. His face was framed by long ears and his cheekbones were high and defined. 

Peter and his father had met while Han was in the Navy. They served on the same aircraft carrier. Han was a flight officer and Peter served under him. The two were inseparable. Even after Han went on to join the Blue Angels and subsequently retire, Peter still attended family dinners, holidays, and birthday parties. He was just as much family as Uncle Luke despite not sharing blood relations.

“Hey, Boy,” the elerly man called to him as he stepped in front of him and engulfed Ben in a bear hug. 

It wasn’t the hug alone that Ben sank into. Ben, who had been treading the waters of grief, diligently and laboriously working to get others safely to shore, finally let go and descended in the depths of despair. Peter tightened his grip on Ben and hummed comforting tones to him as he plummeted to rock bottom. He was consumed by his pain and loss. The emotional pain he had so carefully guarded burst past the barricade and, for the first time since his father’s death, Ben let himself cry.

……...

Rey’s door groaned a protest as she shut it. Old Ben’s house was quaint. Nice landscaping. Decent neighborhood, but not excessive. Homey.

She followed him up the drive, down the pathway, and through the front door. In his foyer were several smaller boxes. Heavy. They were coming apart from the weight inside shifting around. There was also a massive box, almost 4 feet long. It was marked fragile.

_What in the world?_

**Rey: Did you send me your entire college? Geez!!! There’s like, at least a hundred boxes. One of them is the size of my dorm room!**

**Kylo Ren is offline.**

They began with smaller boxes, moving them one by one into his kitchen and setting them on the large island. They found several copies of different issues of _Astronomy Today_ magazines. 

“These are wonderful magazines. Expensive. They must have been donated to the school for an event and went undistributed.”

They found posters, laminated star guides, booklets on the Messier objects- _whatever that was-_ data sheets for experiments, telescope observation journaling pages, bookmarks, stickers…

So much stuff!

**Rey: Wow… you sent a lot of stuff! We haven’t even gotten to the large box yet.**

**Kylo Ren is offline.**

**Rey: Are you avoiding me?**

**Kylo Ren is offline.**

They hadn’t even reached the big box. Rey cringed to herself to think of what would be inside of that one. There was so much material. She felt relieved that she had it sent here- she never would have fit it in her dorm room, but she was also embarrassed that now someone else had to store it for her. 

“Rey, this is incredible.” Old Ben interrupted her thoughts. “Think of all the exciting outreach events we could host with this.” Observing it all set out and organized, he mumbled, “Good thing there’s media mail. This had to be expensive, but I can’t imagine how much it would have cost regular mail.”

Rey felt like she may pass out. She bit the inside of her mouth hard. The tangy taste of blood helped her come to enough that she stopped her self-destruction. 

He may have spent hundreds. 

Especially with the large one- which wasn’t labeled as media mail.

She was now terrified to open it. She could never repay him or never make it to him. She felt unworthy of such effort and expense. The need to recompense overwhelmed her. She avoided looking toward the foyer at the last box.

Old Ben noticed the change in her manner. “Rey, what’s the matter?” 

“I’m fine.” She shrugged off his concern, doubting he would understand. She corrected herself first and then began the internal scolding: _He was the first to understand. I owe him the benefit of the doubt at least._

“You’re not fine.” His eyes were locked on her now. “Sit down,” He commanded, not in a tyrannical manner, but in an _I care about you and I insist you sit down for your own good_ manner. She obeyed him.

“I think I know what is going through your mind right now, but I think it would be better for you to practice opening up to someone instead of me prying it out of you. It’s a good skill to have- trusting others and opening up.” He was now sitting next to her. His arm was comfortingly placed on her forearm. Enough to reassure, but not pressure. 

“I am afraid,” Rey started. Old Ben just waited on her. 

“He must have spent so much time collecting all of this and the information he sent me. Then to add all the shipping costs on top of it. I don’t even want to know what could be in that big box. I don’t even know him. He owes me nothing and yet he does all this. Why?”

Rey lifted her head and looked Ben in the eye. She needed to understand humanity. Rey willingly helped others. She determined in herself at a young age to never become cold toward another. Never to shut her heart to understanding someone else. She would rather risk being taken advantage of than not helping someone who needs it. 

“Why would anyone do this for someone they have never met? ”

“Tell me, how did you come into acquaintance with this fellow?”

“I posted on a few of the Facebook groups seeking advice for our Observe the Moon event and he insulted me, actually. Trolled me even. I was livid. I private-messaged him to get him to back off and he apologized and then actually began helping me.” Rey dropped her head down and shook it in disbelief. “I don’t understand any of this.”

“Maybe…” Ben trailed off, thinking about his words. “ Maybe he saw someone who needed help and just wanted to help. You have helped others before when they didn’t earn it, right?”

Rey nodded.

“Is it really so hard to believe some of that help and goodwill you have so graciously bestowed up others could be returned to you?”

Rey nodded once again. “It is sometimes.” She sniffled and wiped at her nose. “Sorry… I probably seem pathetic….” Her voice broke a little on the last word.

“No.” Old Ben was pensive before a knowing smirk appeared on his face. “You said he was nice to you after you messaged him, hmm?”

“Yes.” 

“Well, it is very possible we are overthinking this entire thing.”

Rey raised her eyebrows at him, skeptically.

“He probably looked at your profile more closely after you private messaged him and thought you were pretty.”

Rey scoffed. “Riiiiiiiight.” She drew the word out. “A man is going to put that much time and effort- oh, and money- into a girl halfway across the country, just because he thinks she’s pretty.” Rey’s mocking tone was evident. 

“My dear,” Old Ben stood and opened the fridge to dig out a couple bottles of water. “You have a lot to learn about men, it seems.” 

“Oh?”

“That’s _exactly_ something a man would do.” He took a long drag of his water. “Especially if he’s someone important that most people cower to and he finds himself a feisty, pretty thing that won’t take any of his crap.” Ben sat back down. “I would know.”

That sounded promising. Rey leaned in, her elbows on the table and chin in her hands. “Oh? Do tell!” 

“That’s another story for another time.” Old Ben stood and walked to the entryway with a knife. “Time we opened the big one, don’t you think?”

………..

Ben sat in the cockpit of the small airplane, The Millennium Falcon, his father’s plane, now his. Having been expressly stated in the will, the transfer of the deed into Ben’s name was one of the simpler matters Ben had settled in regards to the estate. Not that his mother would have wanted the plane in her name. 

The rumble of the engine shook the plane. As the propellers spun, they became a blur of movement, he released the break and the plane eased forward. The airplane began to shake and rattle as the tail wheel dragged against the ground. Just when it seemed like the plane couldn’t take much more, the tail lifted and the plane rose into the air. 

It was cloudy that day and Ben entered the clouds. He saw his instrumentation and beyond that was nothing but white. He was not fearful but trusted the equipment. After a few minutes more of ascension, Ben broke through the lower level of cumulus clouds. Looking out, he saw taller cumulonimbus clouds ahead, the beginnings of a thunderhead. Cirrus clouds streaked the sky above him and Ben felt tension drain from his shoulders.

The roar of the engine drowned out his inner voice momentarily. The view was so spectacularly overwhelming that his brain had no room for any other thoughts. The endorphins from his earlier breakdown with Uncle Peter were still flooding his system and, for a few moments, Ben was free. 

He had left the past behind. Guilt over his absence abated and the anticipation of future problems to resolve faded away. No wills to probate. No mother to comfort. No eyes watching _him_ to observe how _he_ is handling the loss. No pressure. Just this. Not even gravity could hold him down right now.

He flew until the sky darkened and the stars began to slowly peek out. Ben knew them all by name. Vega appeared first, then the planet Jupiter. He began to navigate back towards the airport using the stars- just to do it. Because Ben had always loved the stars. 

He has loved them his entire life. His first telescope was given to him by his Uncle Luke. Luke encouraged him to reach for those stars, making Ben believe that he could one day touch them himself. Ben had always dreamt of being an astronaut. 

His permanent disqualification from ever becoming so had damaged Ben. Disappointment had been so debilitating that Ben stopped looking at the sky all together. He was a professor of astronomy, faking excitement about the cosmos. He obligatorily looked up and forced himself numb at every event he begrudgingly attended. Except one recently. 

This was the second time Ben willingly looked at the celestial bodies in years. The first time was with the girl, Rey. Her excitement and wonder had reminded Ben of himself. Watching her examine the fine features of Luna- he always called the moon by her name- had momentarily shocked Ben out of his despondency. In that moment with Rey, Ben had been recaptured by the magic of the cosmos once again.

When Ben arrived at his truck late that night, instead of driving home, he laid down in the bed and studied the stars in wonder, letting his tears chase one another down the sides of his face. 

It wasn’t just the loss of his father that Ben needed to mourn. It was the loss of his own dreams and life’s work. Although seemingly unconnected, his father’s death dredged up the previous ungrieved loss of what Ben had thought was his calling and purpose in life. As if losing his father wasn’t enough already, Ben acquiesced to reality. He could no longer ignore this pain. He would have to face what Uncle Luke did to him. He would have to allow himself to feel and to hurt. He couldn’t bottle it up any longer. The bottle was full and overflowing. So Ben laid in the truck bed all night, crying over stars he would never reach, weeping over a father he would never see in this life again, and letting go of the past.

…….

When Rey arrived home that evening, she puttered around her apartment, avoiding bed since she knew all attempts at sleeping were futile. Her thoughts were a whirlwind. After numerous attempts to calm her mind or distract it from his confusion-induced rampage, she gave up and forced herself to bed anyway. After counting bumps on the ceiling failed her, she rolled over and grabbed her phone from the nightstand. She could resist no longer and sent another message that she knew, based on her previous attempts, would not be returned.

**Rey: Holy crap, Kylo! You sent me a telescope!?!?!?**

**Kylo Ren is offline.**

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The airfield is inspired by Campbell Field, where my Aunt Jackie and her father flew their planes. My cousin was married there last year. [Here are some details about the field and the restaurant across the street.](http://todaysdeepsouth.blogspot.com/2006/04/restaurant-at-campbells-field-review.html)
> 
> [Here's the airplane they flew.](https://photos.app.goo.gl/7rDRLrcZGF4CGyT7A)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get this update out sooner, but my family came into town and we will went to Disney. Galaxy's Edge is legit! And my kids were adorable at the Trials of the Jedi training. All of them fought Kylo Ren, including my four-year-old. She was dressed as Princess Leia and stole the show everywhere we went. 
> 
> Thanks again to my betas. They help me look less dumb.

Rey tried again to align the telescope. It was dark and a little chilly outside. The skies were clear and she was anxious to use her new telescope. She struggled with the focus, turning the knob all the way in both directions and still nothing. The telescope was heavy and she had carried it out of her dorm, down the stairs, and out onto the lawn area. She was determined to make her efforts worth it. 

**Rey: I have no idea how to use this thing. I hope you plan to help me with this.**

**Kylo Ren is offline.**

Rey scoffed at the Facebook messenger app on her phone. Seriously, what was this guy’s problem? She was anxious to have his help. She  _ could _ call old Ben, but she didn’t want to disturb him this late at night. (She wouldn’t dare to think about how ridiculous that reasoning sounded.) YouTube could probably help her but she was outside in the middle of a large lawn area so no computer and school wifi. The data on her phone was limited and it would not be shrewd of her to use it in such a manner.

Rey sighed and fiddled with the knobs again. She wound the focuser knob all the way forward and watched in the eye piece as the small blurs became larger blurs. Leaning back, she blew air out of her lungs while puffing out her cheeks. Glancing around, she reassured herself that no one else was out to her to see how badly she didn’t know what she was doing.

Leaning in once more, she turned the same knob back the other way, more slowly and watched as the big blurs of light became smaller, but not small enough. She clenched her teeth and stepped back from the telescope. Hands on her hips, she began circling the telescope, squinting her eyes at it in what she hoped was a menacing glare.

She had remembered the ramblings of the Star-man she had stolen the hoodie from. She had aligned the front leg due north using the compass on her phone, as she had seen him do. (At least  _ he _ had been some help.) She just couldn’t figure out why in the world it wouldn't focus. She popped in a different size lens and tried again, turning the knobs and watching blurs change shape but remain true to their ambiguous forms. 

No luck. She was utterly clueless. 

**Rey: Kylo, I need your help. I can’t get the telescope to focus.**

Why wasn’t he online? He had mailed her the entire state of Colorado (she knew where he was from because she had studied the return address on the labels like a stalker), but was now ghosting her? Rey let out another sigh.

**Rey: Kyloooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!**

She returned the lenses and filters back to their cases and detached the telescope from the tripod. She stored the accessories in a messenger bag, which she slung over one shoulder. Carrying the telescope was the easy part. She would have to make a second trip for the ridiculously-heavy tripod stand. It was  _ so _ heavy and  _ so _ bulky. At least she could count this as a workout. 

Having stored the telescope in the corner of her closet, she scavenged some crackers, dried fruit, and peanuts for dinner. Now in her dorm room with access to wifi, she logged onto Youtube and searched for videos using the keywords ‘troubleshooting telescopes.’ It was all completely unhelpful- full of jargon and complicated equations about calculating magnification. Why anyone cared about  _ that _ was beyond her. 

**Rey: I’ll let you have a few free insults at my expense if you’ll message me back and help me.**

**Rey: I’ll even read your horoscope and your palm for free.**

Rey tried posting on Facebook groups about her focusing problem. Everyone there was also unhelpful. They tried- bless them. They asked her questions, trying to get more information to troubleshoot, but Rey didn’t know how to answer. She felt so stupid, not even knowing the kind of telescope she had. She checked on the side of it, but the brand label was worn off. It had obviously been well-loved and well cared for.

**Rey: Sigh…**

**Rey: Kylo… help me…. You’re my only hope to get this thing working.**

Rey went to bed that night frustrated beyond belief. She had classes tomorrow. She knew she had to do the responsible thing and go to bed, so she could be awake enough to function in the morning. She tossed and turned for a long time, wondering why Kylo was not answering her. Did she offend him? Annoy him? The educational materials had the return address of a University. It was possible that the school had paid for the shipping of those materials and wouldn’t have been much of a burden to donate to her cause- just time packaging it. But the telescope was something else. The return address had been for a private residence in Denver. She doubted the telescope was also from the university, having had a different return address. Her gut turned whenever she thought of the real possibility that this had been his personal telescope. Rey rolled over violently in her bed, willing her mind to calm. It was futile. 

What did it mean for him to give her something so personal and then go on radio silence immediately after? Maybe he wasn’t on radio silence. Maybe he was hurt or in the hospital or something. 

Rey grabbed her phone on her bedside and sent one last text for the night and then resumed her superfluous endeavour to count the bumps on her popcorn ceiling once more. 

**Rey: I really hope you didn’t die or anything.**

  
  


**………….**

It was awkward when Ben returned to the university. He was unsure if it was awkward because his colleagues were unsure how to act around him after his loss or if he was just anticipating all the unwanted pity and attention. No matter the reason, it was still awkward. 

Ben sat at his desk catching up on paperwork when there was a knock on the door. 

Hux stuck his head in cautiously. “Ben... I, uh... heard you were back.” 

Ben raised an eyebrow at him. “What? You came by to see if the rumors were true?”

“Yes, well…” Hux let the sentence hang while he fully entered the room. “I just wanted to say that… ummm…”

Ben continued to stare at him, silently begging him not to cross a line. He didn’t know which line exactly, he was just sure he didn’t want it crossed. 

“I heard about your dad,” Hux continued.

Ben just nodded at him and then looked back down at his desk, seething silently. He hated this. He didn’t want anyone’s pity. He wasn’t glass and didn’t want to be treated as though he was fragile. Ben grit his teeth. He really hoped that  _ something _ about his life would remain steady for now, even if it was something as stupid as his feud with Hux. 

“Well... It’s good you’re back. It was tiring having to constantly field questions from your students about your classes.”

Ben lifted his head at the familiar tone of snark in his colleague’s voice.

Hux cleared his throat, clearly searching for what to say. “Well,” He sniffed. “Carry on, then.” Then he dashed out of the room. 

Ben released his breath in relief. He knew getting by Gwendolyn wouldn't be so easy. She would most likely try to mother him.

Hux poked his head back in the door. “Ben... If you need more time off…” 

Ben looked at him threateningly.

“...make sure you let HR know.” 

Ben finished his last class of the day and was preparing to head home when Gwendolyn, another colleague in the astronomy department, caught him in the hallway. 

“Ben, I forwarded you an email. Some girl has been trying to reach you.”

“What girl?” Ben asked in surprise. “About what?”

“She said you sent her a bunch of resources and a telescope for the Moon Observation night. I figured she’s the one you had us collect all the leftover resources for, so I forwarded the email to you. Also, she was specifically looking for Kylo.” She started to walk away then turned again. “I know you probably want things to go back to normal right now, but I do want you to know that we are thinking about you.”

Ben nodded and thought too hard about how to respond to the kind sentiments. Gwendolyn continued to stare at him, which meant he was expected to give her an answer. “Um… Thanks.” 

Her attempt to withhold a laugh at his awkwardness failed when a snort escaped her. “Wow, Ben… Don’t hurt yourself. It’s only a condolence.” 

She slapped him on the back of his shoulder. Ben gritted his teeth and bristled. He just wanted to slide back into his life like nothing happened. 

“I’ll leave you alone about it. I can see I’m making you uncomfortable.” She ruffled his hair and Ben tried to slap her hand away. “Anyway… I’m guessing the girl that’s looking for Kylo Ren is the same one you first riled up on Facebook before tagging me in a post where I would have to delete your comments.”

Ben’s face turned red. As much as he had wanted for her to change the conversation away from his dad, he hadn’t wanted it to be about this. About Rey.

She made a sound that was one part laugh and one part choking before turning and walking down the hall, the clacking of her heels echoing against the walls. Her voice joined the heels. “Grown men don’t insult the women they’re interested in, Ben. Looks like you scored a second chance with her. Good luck with this one!” 

Ben smiled at her retreating form. He may have some unusual friendships, but he enjoyed them.

Back in his office, Ben opened the forwarded email. 

**To Whom it May Concern:**

**My name is Rey Plutt and I belong to an astronomy society in Jacksonville, FL. I received a very generous donation of supplies from a gentleman I met on Facebook by the name of Kylo Ren. I am having trouble with the telescope he sent and have been unable to reach him through Facebook to get his help. The return address of the supplies he sent me indicated he was associated with this University. If possible, please put me in contact with him. Thank you in advance.**

**Sincerely,**

**Rey Plutt**

If Rey was involved with a man from the astronomy society, why wouldn’t she just have him help her with the telescope? Ben felt like he was missing something. He logged into Facebook and was bombarded by a wall of messages from her.

**New Messages:**

**Rey: What did you do?**

**Rey: Did you send me your entire college? Geez!!! There’s like, at least a hundred boxes. One of them is the size of my dorm room!**

**Rey: Wow… you sent a lot of stuff! We haven’t even gotten to the large box yet.**

**Rey: Are you avoiding me?**

**Rey: Holy crap, Kylo! You sent me a telescope!?!?!?**

**Rey: I have no idea how to use this thing. I hope you plan to help me with this.**

**Rey: Kylo, I need your help. I can’t get it to focus.**

**Rey: Kyloooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Rey: I’ll let you have a few free insults at my expense if you’ll message me back and help me.**

**Rey: I’ll even read your horoscope and your palm for free.**

**Rey: Sigh…**

**Rey: Kylo… help me…. You’re my only hope to get this thing working.**

**Rey: I really hope you didn’t die or anything.**

  
  


Ben swiveled his office chair back and forth and chewed his thumbnail. He had decided to play it safe until the dust settled in his life and now here she was, wrecking his carefully-laid plans. He closed his eyes and sighed.  _ Who was it she was working with for the event? What man’s house did she have the address to?  _ Ben halted the turning chair when he remembered that Ben Kenobi was a part of her astronomical group. He and Kenobi had been acquainted for years, as Kenobi and Luke had been close friends for years. Ben grabbed his phone, located his email on the NEFAS website, and composed an email.

**To: Ben-0B1-Kenobi** **@gmail.com**

**From:** **BSolo@UCB.edu**

**Dear Ben,**

**I hope this email finds you well. It was unfortunate that we were unable to talk much when I was last in town several weeks ago. There is an event NEFAS is hosting soon and I have a few questions for you about it. If you could please contact me, it would be much appreciated.**

**Sincerely,**

**Ben Solo**

**(720) 867-5309**

He had work to do, such as reading and correcting horribly written essays. Shifting papers around and locating his red pen, he was only a few papers in when his phone pinged.

**Unknown Number: Hello there!**

**Ben Solo: General Kenobi! Thank you for getting back to me quickly!**

Ben quickly updated the contact information for the retired general on his phone prior to confirmation that it was, indeed, his uncle’s oldest friend. 

**Ben Kenobi: Now that’s a name I haven’t been called in a long, long time.**

**Ben Kenobi: I was delighted to receive your email. I heard about your father. I’ve been thinking about you and Luke. I offer my most sincere condolences.**

**Ben Solo: Thank you.**

**Ben Solo: I have been in contact with someone from your astronomical society. She was looking for help with an event for International Observe the Moon night she was planning with someone. I offered to send her leftover educational supplies from my university and she asked that I send them to the house of the man she’s working with. You wouldn’t happen to know who she’s planning this even with, would you?**

**Ben Kenobi: Of course I know him.**

**Ben Kenobi: He’s me.**

**Ben Kenobi**

Ben set his phone down on the desk and stood up. He stood speechless while his thoughts twisted and swirled.  _ It was old man Kenobi she was working with. Not a young man. Not a love interest.  _ He had jumped to conclusions. He had made a jerk of himself once again. He rested his hands on his hips and his face broke into a wide smile.  _ Let’s hope she likes jerky men. _

Ben paced the room, trying to think of a plan of how to move forward with her. Now that he knew it was Kenobi’s house, he wasn’t willing to waste any more time. Continuing to use Facebook for their correspondence was not practical. He never checked it and he wanted something more easily accessible. He stalked back to his desk and opened the website.

**Kylo Ren: I see you tracked me down through my college astronomy outreach department. Who’s the stalker now?**

He couldn't resist needling her for some reason. He imagined she was probably cute when angry.

**Rey: YOU’RE ALIVE!!!**

**Rey: and also still a jerk, I see.**

One side of Ben’s face pulled up into a smirk. She always made him smile. He needed more of this in his life. He knew he could probably tell her right now that the problem was most likely that the extension tube was missing, but what he saw here was an opportunity. His smirk lifted into a wide, almost devious grin, similar to that of Grinch shortly before he stole Christmas. 

**Rey: I tried posting on the facebook groups for help with focusing it, but they wanted the model number and it’s really faded.**

**Kylo Ren: I’m sorry you’re having trouble with the telescope. It’s very old, so it’s not surprising that you couldn’t find the make or model on it. It is a great scope. I will be happy to help you, but we’ll have to move the conversation to a different medium.**

**Rey: Such as???**

_ She took the bait. _ Ben fist pumped. He was getting somewhere. He made a mental note to text him mom and thank her for encouraging him to see himself as worthy of someone’s love and to take a chance on this woman. He also thanked every star in the heavens that it had been old man Kenobi and not a romantic rival. So many small, seemingly insignificant events had aligned to bring him so many opportunities with this woman. He was sure to make the most of it now.

**Kylo Ren: I can give you my cell number. You’ll need to text me a picture of the telescope set up. Get some close pictures of the eye piece.**

**Kylo Ren: (720) 867-5309**

**Rey: Now you really sound like a stalker.**

**Kylo Ren: Are we really back to that? *eye roll emoji* Shall I remind you who tracked who down at their job this week?**

**Rey: Meh…. Not the best defence I’ve ever heard.**

**Kylo Ren: I’m fairly certain you’re missing the extension tube for the eyepiece. I’ll be able to tell for sure when you text me a picture.**

**Kylo Ren: I’m surprised no one in the NEFAS group thought to suggest that to you.**

**Rey: Well, It’s not like I know what I’m doing enough to accurately describe the problem. They wanted me to bring it to their meetings to troubleshoot.**

**Kylo Ren: Sounds reasonable. Why didn’t you?**

**Rey: They aren’t having another meeting for another few weeks and I wanted to use it sooner. Also, it’s stupid heavy.**

**Kylo Ren: It is heavy. The one I upgraded to is even worse. I load it in the back of my truck on the rare occasion that I bring it to events.**

**Rey: Wow… That sounds crazy.**

**Kylo Ren: It’s not just the telescope and tripod, It’s the counterweights and the car battery.**

**Rey: Car battery?????**

**Kylo Ren: It’s to run the motor for the automatic equatorial mount so I can photograph deep space objects.**

**Kylo Ren: Anyway, text me the pic of it so I can be sure and I’m sure we’ll have it resolved quickly.**

**Rey: I’ll send you a pic of mine if you’ll send me a pic of yours.**

Ben eyes widened so much he momentarily thought they may pop out and bounce off his computer monitor. If that was flirting, it certainly escalated quickly. It seemed out of her nature, or what he thought he had perceived of her nature. 

**Kylo Ren:???**

**Rey: OMG! No! I meant I’m curious what your upgraded telescope looks like all set up, I totally didn’t mean it like THAT. I’m such a ditz sometimes!!!!**

**Rey: I’m literally dying over here from embarrassment.**

**Rey: Please forget the last 30 seconds happened. Omg…..**

**Rey: Why isn’t there a feature yet where I can delete a message already sent? Why isn’t there time travel? It’s 2016! What is mankind doing with ourselves that we don’t have time travel yet to fix these things?! OMG….**

**Kylo Ren: Well, at least you’re funny….**

Ben’s phone vibrated on his desk. When he turned it over, Rey had already put his phone number to good use. 

**Rey: [pic attached]**

**Kylo: Yeah… you’re missing the piece needed to reach the correct focal length. It’s not a problem. I’ll make sure you get it.**

**Rey: I really appreciate your help with all of this. And for donating so many things to our event.**

**Rey: And for the telescope.**

**Kylo: It’s the least I can do to prove to you that I’m not a terrible person.**

**Rey: I never actually thought you were a terrible person, ya know? I just decided to call you out on your crap so you’d stop harassing me online.**

**Kylo: Thanks for that, I guess.**

**Rey: I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I’ve been through some super crappy stuff and always appreciated when others are understanding.**

**Kylo: It has been super crappy on my end lately.**

**Kylo: I mean… life has always been crappy, but it got exponentially more crappy recently.**

He didn’t want to dump his problems on her, but he did want her to understand. He was pretty sure she would do the weird condolences thing. He suppressed a shudder and then decided to move forward anyway. 

**Kylo: My father passed away suddenly from a stroke about three weeks ago.**

**Rey: That’s rough. I’m sorry.**

**Kylo: Thanks, but I’m tired of hearing condolences. I just want some normalcy. I know people mean well, I just don’t want to hear it sometimes. It doesn’t help.**

**Rey: You feel like people are pitying you more than actually taking the time to be supportive?**

That’s exactly how he felt. He didn’t want people’s kind words; he wanted someone to walk with him through it all. Just to be around and share in his life, even when it was crappy. She had put into words what he had been feeling but was previously unable to articulate. It was a great relief to be given words for these thoughts and feelings. It helped.

**Kylo: Exactly!**

**Kylo: I only told you because I wanted you to understand that I really didn’t mean to troll you like that on Facebook. I just needed a distraction that day and it took on the wrong form.**

**Rey: Do you still need a distraction?**

**Rey: That came out wrong again.**

**Rey: What I mean is, I could use your help planning this Moon Observation event for kids thing.**

Ben knew nothing about children. He was an only child and had no cousins. Awkward in school around other children, Ben never really played, at least not that he could remember. He couldn’t imagine seeing anything through a child’s eyes.

**Kylo: Well, I’m not very good with human children, but I can try to be helpful. I definitely could use something to work on to keep my mind occupied on things that don’t involve death.**

**Rey: What? Is there another kind of children you are good with? Wolf cubs? Got like a Mowgli from the Jungle book thing going on?**

Ben smirked again. He couldn’t remember anyone ever making him smile so much. Or having had an occasion to smile so frequently. Not since everything went south in his family years ago. 

**Kylo: LoL. I guess.**

Oh, geez… He just typed ‘LoL,’ who does that? He felt like a besotted teenager. He needed to get his crap together. Ben scanned back through the last several messages, trying to recover the conversation.  _ Keep her talking. _ He decided to jump straight into planning mode for the event.

**Kylo: Do you have the location secured? How long is the event supposed to last? What facilities do you have access to?**

**Rey: It’s in a big parking lot at Hanna Park. It’s right on the beach. There are pavilions with picnic tables.**

He grabbed the cold coffee that had been sitting on his desk since this morning. The bitterness helped clear his mind and redirect his thoughts. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to remember being a kid and what fun things Luke had done with him. Luke had invested quite a bit of time with him during his childhood and adolescent years, nurturing Ben’s desire for learning and his interest in the ether.

Ben closed his eyes and dredged up one of his oldest memories of Luke. He had closed himself off to any memory of his uncle and the wonders of the heavenlies- previously it was too painful. But he would do it for her. He pulled free the memory and gave it to her. Swallowing back the lump in his throat, he typed a response. 

**Kylo: I don’t know if this is the type of thing you’re looking for, but my uncle once did this craft with me. Have you ever seen the handprint salt dough ornaments little kids make? We did that but made it round and pushed craters in, learning the names of them and put a little mini flag sticker on the location where Apollo 11 landed.**

**Rey: That sounds adorable! Great idea! Anything else? Anything that you did as a kid or anything that left an impression.**

**Kylo: Probably. Let me think. It’s hard to remember sense I blocked much of that out.**

He decided it was time to leave a little rabbit trail for her to follow. If he wanted something to develop between them, then he needed to move it forward. He waited patiently for the question he knew was coming. This felt similar to playing chess. 

**Rey: If you enjoyed it, why would you block it out?**

**Kylo: Life being crappy.**

**Rey: You can’t just say something like that and then leave me hanging**

**Kylo: Do you know how to keep a fool in suspense?**

**Rey: You!**

**Kylo: Kidding! I’m not being a terrible person, just teasing.**

**Rey: Now it’s my turn to eye roll.**

**Rey: Come on, now. Out with it.**

**Kylo: I don’t know you well and can already tell that there’s no getting out of this.**

**Rey: Nope, there sure isn’t.**

He really did need to talk about this. It wasn’t just a matter of him trying to endear himself to her, he also needed companionship and someone to confide in. She had given him the benefit of the doubt and looked for the good in him on several occasions already. Not just over the internet, but that first night at the Star Party when he met her. He had snapped at her then and she had been gracious. 

Breathing in deeply through his nose, he decided he needed grace. And today, he humbled himself to receive it.

**Kylo: I have an uncle who works for NASA- same uncle, btw- and he’s the one who interested me in astronomy. Bought my first telescope, taught me how to use it, we spent hours together searching the skies of the different Messier objects and journaling them.**

**Kylo: I became interested in space travel and, as I aged, expressed aspirations of being an astronaut and showed the academic promise to back it up. While in college, my parents went through a separation (they reconciled later, btw). But I had a very hard time with it. I’m an only child so I felt very alone and pressured to pick a side.**

**Kylo: I wouldn’t talk about it with anyone. Just tried to ignore it all, but it started manifesting in other ways. Trouble sleeping, aggression, withdrawing from everyone, etc. I was in the evaluation process for being an astronaut and it included a mental health examination and they also had to interview my closest relatives. My parents understood how much this meant to me so they didn’t say anything incriminating. My uncle, on the other hand, told them everything. They diagnosed me with depression, permanently disqualifying me from space travel.**

**Kylo: The only missions I would ever be potentially eligible for would be short missions, lasting only a week or less. Given the vast candidate pool, I would still be passed over in favor of someone who has never had such a diagnosis.**

**Kylo: So because of a temporary stressor in my life, I was permanently blocked from ever reaching my dream. Because my uncle couldn’t see down the road a little bit.**

The chime of his phone pulled Ben from his frantic typing. Rey had responded. Before he read her text, he became aware of the tear tracks down his face. He dropped his phone into his lap, wiped his cheeks with the backs of his hands, pressing his face down into his palms. He tried to center himself again. It was hard enough to allow himself to relive the pain enough to share it with someone. Picking up his phone again, he read Rey’s reaction to his story.

**Rey: Not to be ‘that person’ but, have you ever thought that your uncle was just super concerned about you and was trying to help?**

Of course he’d thought of that! 

Ben couldn’t help but bristle at her comment. He didn’t want to see his uncle’s side of things. He wanted someone to understand  _ his _ pain and allow him the freedom to feel it. He had poured his soul out to her and she hadn’t listened, not really. Ever the gracious one, she took pity on his uncle. She probably took pity on everyone. That was what he liked about her, so he shouldn’t be too put off by it. **  
  
**

**Kylo: Yes actually. I’m not a monster, Rey!**

**Rey: Sorry, Kylo. I didn’t mean anything bad by that. Just trying to help...**

**Kylo: If he was actually concerned he could have called and asked how I was. Instead, he would ask my professors and colleagues about how they thought I was doing. If he wanted to help, he could have just been there for me. It probably would have been enough support to actually not fall into depression. But he was so busy with his own career and training other astronauts that were already approved for space travel that he didn’t make time to help me.**

**Kylo: His own nephew.**

**Kylo: He assumed the worst about my mental state based on the hearsay of others but didn’t care enough to actually help. Instead he ruined me.**

**Rey: Oh, wow…. That’s….**

**Kylo: It’s crappy.**

**Rey: Yeah… it really is.**

**Rey: I’m sorry about jumping to your uncle’s defence so prematurely. I have no family and often have a difficult time when others complain about their family’s flaws.**

Ben chewed his thumbnail once more while he allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to not have any family like Rey. Luke had been an amazing uncle when he was younger. Even though he had shut himself off from pleasant memories, there was no doubt that he was incredibly instrumental in the man he had become. What would it be like to have no one? He couldn’t even imagine it.

Ben tried to get himself under control.  _ She’s a gracious person- she was only trying to help. _ He breathed in deeply and decided to let in the help, instead of jumping to the defensive so quickly. Perhaps it was time to open himself to someone and let some good into his life. Walls can protect by keeping harm out, but if you never open a gate to let in something good…

Ben sighed deeply, his breath hitching. A city under siege is doomed. Why keep himself under siege until he was ruined? No… Continuing in this fashion was not working, so it was time to try something new.

Resolute, he opened the gate and accepted what he already knew was the truth.  _ Luke cares about me. Everyone makes mistakes. He wanted to help, but went about it the wrong way.  _ The answer was not to shut himself off. He had already done that for years and it hadn’t gotten him anywhere he wanted to be. 

**Kylo: No, it’s okay. You are right. I know he didn’t intend to hurt me and has made several attempts at reconciliation. I’ve just been bitter over it and need to let it go.**

**Kylo: Will you tell me what happened to your family?**

**Rey: I’m an orphan, surrendered to the state by my parents when I was five. I was adopted by a couple but the wife ran out on the husband. He said he never wanted me, only she did. He even tried to surrender me, but b/c I was legally adopted, the court won’t allow that. An adoption can only be cancelled if the adopter proves in a court of law that he is physically incapable of caring for the child. He couldn’t so he just kept me, however begrudgingly.**

**Kylo: Looks like life has crapped on us both.**

In different ways and for different reasons they had been estranged from their families. They were both broken. Maybe together they could find wholeness. 

**Rey: Do you still like astronomy? Or is it only something you do b/c it’s what your degree is in?**

**Rey: Btw, this explains your whole ‘don’t let kids dream about space’ rant.**

**Kylo: I just recently started learning to love it again. You are helping with that, actually. Seeing it afresh from someone else’s eyes…. It brings back the wonder of it all.**

**Rey: :-)**

**Rey: It is quite magical.**

**Kylo: yes… I suppose it is.**

Ben was actually thinking how magical  _ Rey _ was. 

  
  


………..

Scrolling through Pinterest ideas involving moon activities, Rey was overwhelmed. These overachieving dreamers…. Printables? Seriously? Couldn’t anything on a web page be printed? So why are there printables? So weird. 

It was evening time and Rey was still reeling from her conversation with Kylo. There was so much to him. She wanted to understand him, find out what made him tick, which was ridiculous since he was just a vague presence online. A vague presence that mailed her what she supposed was his personal telescope and then subsequently poured his soul out to her through text. So, basically, he wasn’t really a vague presence at all. He was real and for some reason that both terrified and excited her.

Regardless of reason and logic, she felt drawn to this strange man. Something about him was so familiar. Maybe it wasn’t him that was familiar, but the way he made her feel. When she had texted Kylo today, she felt the same flutter she did when the Star-man had held her hand on the telescope knob. 

Her phone started vibrating and Rey was happy to have a reason to flee the Pinterest nonsense. 

**Kylo Ren is calling**

Rey answered cautiously. A phone call from him was one of the last things she expected- kind of like him mailing her a telescope was unexpected. Similarly to the unexpected document of collective ideas from his entire astronomy department. 

Basically, he just kept surprising her.

“Hello?”

“Hey Rey. It’s… me…” He trailed off awkwardly at the word ‘me.’ She guessed he was just as awkward on the phone as he was through digital texting.

“Hey, Kylo… Ummm… What’s up?” Rey winced at the uncertain lift in her voice.

“So this is weird, but just go with it, ok?” His deep voice rumbled through the phone. It reminded Rey of another deep voice. She closed her eyes and relished the sensations. It had been several weeks now since she had experienced such a reaction to a man’s voice. She soaked in every drop she could.

“Okay…” She managed to squeak out once the silence had lingered too long to be comfortable.

“Go outside.”

Rey pulled the phone away from her face and looked at it in question, before replacing it against her face. “Why?” 

“Just do it…. Please, for me.” She heard him breathe heavily into the phone. “I want to show you something.”

“This is weird-”

“I know it’s weird... I’m not stalking you, get off that, would ya?” She heard a brief, deep chuckle through the phone, so brief she questioned whether it was real or she had just imagined it. “Just go before you miss it, okay?” He almost sounded like he was pleading with her. 

“Getting my shoes on. Just a second.” Rey slipped her sandals on and headed out of her dorm building. “It’ll take me a few moments to get down the stairs.” 

“Okay.” She heard nothing else from him but breathing. The silence was deafening. Her stomach turned with nerves as she reached the stairs of her building. 

“So… how was your day?” She had to break the silence somehow, right? He probably hated small talk though. But how does one reach the deep end of meaningful conversation unless they first wade the low surf of small talk?

“It was… fine… I guess…” 

“Yeah?” Rey rounded the landing and continued down the stairs, he steps echoing through the stairwell. If only she knew how to get him to talk. She imagined that if they ever met in person, there would be so much awkwardness between the two of them that a blackhole of awkward would open and swallow the earth. 

“Yeah… Why wouldn’t it be?” 

This was horrible. He had opened up to her with relative ease earlier today via texting. Why was this so difficult? 

“I was just thinking about what you said earlier today… that you lost your dad a few weeks ago. So I was hoping things were…. Well, I’m sure they’re not okay. I have never had family like that to lose, but I can’t imagine it being easy.”

She heard him take in a deep breath and blow it out slowly. Perhaps she shouldn’t have asked. 

“Today was my first day back in the office after taking bereavement leave for a few weeks to assist my mother with all the legal proceedings. I was expecting it to be really horrible with everyone fussing over me. I hate that. But, it wasn’t as bad as I expected.” 

“That’s good.” She pushed open the heavy door, and was accosted by the humid September air. 

“Okay, Kylo. I’m outside. Now what?” 

“Great. Okay… Now, face the direction where the sun set. There should still be the dusky glow from it.” 

There was a dusky glow. It was orange and faded into purple before reaching the deep blue-black of the night sky. A few of the brightest stars had already peeked out from behind their heavenly veil. A few puffs of clouds were scattered across the sky, hosting ombres of colors, which were rapidly draining where the sun made its final descent beyond the horizon. 

“Now, turn about 90 degrees to your right. You’ll be facing due south. Now turn about 45 degrees further and you’ll be facing southeast.”

“Got it. And I’m looking for what?” 

“You’ll see a dim-looking star appear any minute now but it’ll be moving. You’ll think it might be an airplane, but its rate of travel doesn’t seem right.”

Rey scanned the sky above her. “Moving star…. Moving star… Moving... Oh! I think I see it!”

“Yes! It should be getting brighter-”

“It is getting super bright! Wow.. what is that? It’s brighter than any stars in the sky now.”

“Rey, you’re watching the International Space Station pass over you. Wave at the astronauts. There are nine up there now, but three of them are coming home next week. Then in three months three new ones will arrive.”

“So three new people go into space every 3 months?”

“Yes. Six live up there at a time. When the next three arrive, they take a few weeks to get everyone adjusted, then the three that have been there the longest come home.” Ben explained.

“Wow. So only 12 people a year go up there.”

“Yeah,” Ben mumbled disappointedly. “Only twelve a year. And they aren’t all American. It’s all based on how much funding each country invests in the ISS. Russia and America invest the most, so there are more of them than Brazilians, Canadians, or the European Union for instance.”

“How fascinating.” Rey knew absoluting nothing about the Space Station, save the brief information she was just given.

“You should look up videos on Youtube about life on the space station. Now  _ that’s  _ fascinating.” He cleared his throat. Rey hoped he would keep talking. He knew many interesting facts about space exploration and astronomy. His deep voice was comforting, too. It reminded her of the Star-man. She bit her lip. Life isn’t ever that kind. Not to her.

“Kylo…”

“Hmmm?”

“Thank you. This was amazing. Your help earlier today with the telescope was amazing.”

“When the extender tube arrives, I’ll help you more if you want it.”

“I’ll definitely want it.” 

Rey was climbing into bed that night when her phone chimed. 

**Kylo: Here’s a few links about the ISS.**

**Rey: That was so amazing, to watch it fly over like that. Thank you for showing me.**

**Kylo: I’m happy to help.**

Rey would need several cups of coffee tomorrow. She stayed up past 1:00am watching videos about the International Space Station and thinking about how similar Kylo’s voice was to her mysterious Star-man. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is so fun to watch the International Station (ISS) fly over! [Here's how to track it if you would like to watch it!](https://spotthestation.nasa.gov)
> 
> [Here is a wonderful website where you can take a virtual tour of the ISS.](https://esamultimedia.esa.int/multimedia/virtual-tour-iss/) They have great videos explaining how they live in space and some of their duties and responsibilities while in space. 
> 
> [Here is a tetrad](https://youtu.be/NH33pXGkNF8) and how they are an AMAZING help when locating things in the night sky. It is well worth the extra money to make stargazing with a telescope so much easier.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the delay in this chapter's posting. We took a family vacation to Disney and then came home with the plague. My four kids can't just get sick all at once... No... that would mean we could return to our normal lives more quickly. 
> 
> In other news... Galaxy's Edge is AMAZING. It took us three tries to get onto "The Rise of Resistance." It was worth every bit of frustration! A-MAY-ZING!!! 
> 
> As always, thanks to my two betas! They help me sound less dumb. They are also encouraging when I'm having an emotional breakdown because I'm afraid my story stinks. 
> 
> I also hope you guys are enjoying the astronomical videos and information I have been including in the end comments. I'll keep posting those if you all are enjoying them.

**Poe: Hey good lookin, What’s cookin’?**

**Rey: Poe, you’re such a dork.**

**Poe: Whatever, you know you love me. :-)**

**Rey: Yup, you know, that’s exactly what I feel towards you…**

**Rey: Love**

**Rey: *eye roll emoji***

It was Saturday morning, now a week removed from Kylo sending her running out of her dorm room to catch the ISS flying overhead. Both busy with college- him teaching and her pursuing a master’s degree- they hadn’t communicated more than a passing text here and there over the past week. He had mailed her the missing eyepiece extender, but with her class load, she had yet to try out the telescope again. Hopefully, today would allow her the opportunity, but she had to find out what Poe was scheming first.

**Poe: Anywayz, whatcha up to later? Some friends and I are hanging out at Dave and Busters. You should come!**

**Rey: Maybe?**

**Poe: You’re nervous about meeting new people.**

**Rey: I’m nervous about meeting new people.**

**Poe: We’re doing this.**

Rey imagined a Cheshire grin splitting his face wide.

**Poe: Meet us there at 6 or I’m breaking down your door and dragging you out.**

And there went her plans to use the telescope tonight. She _did_ need to get out more and push herself to be more social. It wasn’t what she wanted to do, but it was what she needed to do.

**Rey: Creep**

**Poe: Yup**

**Rey: Fine. I’ll be there.**

Rey was halted between two feelings, like when hot and cold air meet to form a deadly tornado, nervousness and excitement swirled in her until they formed a storm of anxiety deep in her gut.

Rey enjoyed being around people; she craved it, but she was often constricted by her insecurity, pressed to the point of being crushed by the daunting weight of a good first impression. She feared people wouldn’t like her, that they’d think she was weird or awkward. Rey knew she was awkward but tried earnestly to fit in. She often anticipated the immediate dismissal of others and clung too tightly to them, attempting to avoid the inevitable, which in turn created the very rejection she worked so rigorously to prevent. The pain was especially acute when she was brushed aside without any attempt to understand or know her.

The chiming of her phone stilled the storm of apprehension in Rey momentarily.

**Kylo: I see the eyepiece extender was delivered. Let me know when you’re available during the day and I can walk you through how to align the telrad and make sure you’re ready to go before it’s dark.**

**Rey: What the heck is a telrad?**

**Kylo: There are different types of starfinders. Most of the time, when you buy a new scope, it’s like a tiny telescope mounted on the top, but I had upgraded this scope’s finder to a telrad. It’ll project a target so you can more easily find objects in the sky.**

**Kylo: This is a lot of typing, can I just call?**

Rey was thankful for the distraction from her nervousness about tonight. Instead of replying with her affirmation, she dialed his number. Butterflies fluttered lightly in her stomach as she listened to the ring, awaiting his deep voice to answer. It was to her benefit that she had dialed his number immediately before her anxiousness grew too much to bear and she talked herself out of it.

“Hello?” The nervousness that had fled from her with the chime of his text notification had evidently found its resting place in him, if the tone of his voice was any indication. 

“If you knew I was calling, why answer the phone with a questioning tone?” She teased, surprised how the banter arose from her when she spoke with him. Being herself came easily when she shared herself with him. The raging storm calmed.

She heard him sigh at her and a giggle escaped her. _Since when did she giggle?_

_At the Star Party with the Star-man._

Rey shook her head. It was an unhealthy obsession with a man she would probably never see again. It would be healthy and reasonable to rid herself of the hoodie that she inappropriately used as a comfort blanket inappropriately and try to forget it ever happened. She should move on from that.

Yeah, that wasn’t happening anytime soon.

“So are you with the scope or do I need to wait for you to dig it out?” His voice pulled her out of her reverie about the Star-man. Probably a good thing.

“Do I need to take it outside and set it up? I mean, it’s not dark out. There aren’t any stars or anyth-”

“No,” He cut her off. “You have to align starfinders in the daylight. It’s a royal pain in the you-know-what to wait until dark to do it. You’ll want to set it on the tripod and then you can just point it out a window.” 

“I’ll have to put the phone on speaker then.” She set the phone down and began hauling the tripod out of the corner and over to the window. “It’s a really good thing...” she grunted under its weight, “...that I have a dorm room to myself. This thing is enormous!” She set it down then pulled the legs apart to extend them. “And it weighs at least twenty tons.” 

She could hear Ben chuckling through the speaker. “It’s not _that_ bad.” 

“Okay, Arnold Schwarzenegger, you must be massive.” She placed the scope down into the cradling arms of the tripod. “And be a bodybuilder.” Flipping the arms over the scope and tightening them down she added, “And have bulging muscles or something.”

“I do lift weights.” He mused as though to himself. “And I am six foot three.”

Rey closed her eyes and shuddered, imagining him wrapped around her. Only it wasn’t some faceless man from the internet. It was her Star-man. She huffed out a breath and shook her head, ashamed. _Why_ was she this way? What the heck was wrong with her?

“Anyway…” Kylo must have been trying to redirect the conversation. Rey questioned why she was so awkward and wished to all the stars in the heavens that she could have it together more. “Have you got it on the tripod?”

“Yeah. It’s on there.”

“Okay. So, first, take off the cover.”

“Well, duh!” Rey exclaimed. “Of course you take the cover off.”

“You know, I figured you’d know that, but there was a post on one of the Facebook groups we’re on… Homeboy bought a bonafide, expensive telescope. It was definitely not a telescope for beginners. And he posted pictures of it set up and was asking for help because he couldn’t see anything. He specifically _asked_ if he needed to remove the cover.”

“No. Way!” Rey was giggling again. She bit the inside of her mouth to try to calm herself. Yes, emotional regulation was a good thing. 

“Yeah… Several of us were trolling him at first, thinking he was just kidding around, but he was legitimately asking if he needed to take the cover off.” Kylo chuckled. Rey wanted to do anything she could to hear him make that sound again. Did they have a twelve-step program for those who had unhealthy obsessions with strangers over the internet who reminded you of someone you only met once before? She shook her head at herself again.

Kylo cleared his throat. “So… to the side of the eyepiece should be a rectangular box with a glass screen at an angle. There’s a knob on the side, which will turn on the target.” 

Rey located the telrad easily while he spoke.

“You’ll want to turn it all the way up because it is daylight and otherwise you wouldn’t be able to see the target. At night, you can adjust its brightness to locate dimmer objects that would be obscured by such a bright target.”

She played with the brightness knob and watched the red, glowing target grow brighter and dimmer as she adjusted it.

“Now, look through and you’ll see a red target shining on the glass.”

“Yeah, I see it.” 

“Pop in the lens extender first and then your 20mm eyepiece.” Rey did as he said. “Find an object, like a distant tree or flag pole. See if you can focus on it now that you have the extender piece.”

Rey pointed it at some trees and started twiddling the focusing knob back and forth. 

“It’s easy to know when the telescope is at its most focused point when pointed to a tree during the day. The trick at night though, when few stars and clouded nebula across thousands of light-years, is the telescope is at the greatest point of focus when the object is smallest.” 

This time, turning the knobs brought the objects in the lens small enough to bring into focus. Rey scanned across the treetops, noticing tiny details the rest of the world was oblivious too. Gatherings of pine cones, a dead branch in the midst of healthy ones were among a few of her finds. 

“Let me show you what I mean on a tree and then you’ll be able to apply the same concept to astronomy.” 

Rey was listening but didn’t respond. 

“Rey?”

“I’m here, Kylo… Just listening and exploring the treetops. This is so fascinating.”

“Okay… Good… Um… Turn the knob and pull the trees out of focus. Notice how they become larger when out of focus.”

Rey obeyed and noted the change happened exactly as he described. 

“Now turn into back into focus, noticing they become smaller.”

“Yes.”

“Keep turning the knob in the same direction, pulling it back out of focus. Even though you were turning the knob the same way that you were to bring into focus, when it goes out of focus, the objects are growing in size once again.”

“Yeah… That’s really interesting…”

“The object is in focus when it is the smallest in the lens. If it still looks blurry when smallest and turning the knob either way makes it only larger, then you know you are at the limit of your instrumentation. At that point, you would need to assess your equipment and figure out what is needed.” 

While playing the knobs and spying upon the distant treetops, Rey spotted a squirrel in the tree branches, nibbling away on what she presumed to be a nut. She pulled away from the telescope, blinking her eyes, and looked to see the same tree way off in the distance. 

“Kylo, this is amazing! I found a cute little squirrel. The tree is so far away and this thing is able to show me a tiny squirrel up in the tip-tops of the tree clearly.” Rey put her eye back to the lens to continue her observation. “I could watch him all day… Aww… He’s eating something. So cute.” Her voice had taken on a nurturing lilt, like that of a mother speaking to her child.

“Yeah. People use telescopes for bird watching, too.”

“I never thought about that before. What a neat idea!”

“So… Do you think you can look away from your little squirrel friend there for a minute to align this thing?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Rey grimaced at herself. “So sorry.” 

“It’s okay… It’s... Kinda cute actually. Makes me remember doing the same thing. I watched all kinds of animals during the day with my telescope when I was a kid.” Kylo’s voice was wistful and patient and hearing it helped the guilt and chagrin she felt for wasting his time ogling a squirrel to abate slightly.

“So you’re gonna look through the telrad and see if the target is in the same place as Mr. Squirrel.”

“The telrad?” Rey was momentarily confused. This was probably because her face was shoved back down into the telescope eyepiece again, tracking the squirrel. Kylo was silent. “OHHHH!!!!! You’re talking about the target box thing.”

“Yes... The target… Box…Thing...” He was laughing at her again. 

“It’s close, but not exactly.”

“Okay. On the front of the ‘target box thing’ there are three knobs. You can use those to adjust the location of the target to align with Mr. Squirrel.” 

“You’re mocking me aren’t you?” 

“Nah... I wouldn’t dare.” His deep voice had taken on a relaxed, teasing tone now.

“Jerk.”

“You apparently like jerks then.”

“I never said I liked you.” Rey’s voice was a hearty blend of irritation and playfulness. 

He lowered his voice and all but whispered to her. “You didn’t have to, Rey.” 

A shiver tore through her at the way he purred her name. 

“Kylo,” Rey giggled again. She felt like a foolish child playing a dangerous game: thrilled and scared.

………

Fifteen hundred miles away, Ben was on the phone listening to Rey giggle. He wished Rey was giggling his real name instead of his alias. He knew he would need to tell her who he was soon and hope she would not feel like he intentionally duped her. 

He needed to talk all of this out with someone. Not necessarily seeking advice, just be able to voice his thoughts and organize them. He picked up his phone.

**Ben: Hey! Wanna grab coffee with me this morning?**

**Hux: I haven’t my muffin yet, so yes. I will meet you at the usual place in half an hour.”**

An hour later, Ben sat across from Hux at the coffee shop, sipping his black coffee. He had been pontificating about his woman woes for the better half of an hour.

Ben ran his fingers through his thick hair. “So, I _think_ I’m making progress.”

Hux gave him a bored look. “She still doesn’t know that it’s you yet, and you think you’re making progress? What exactly do you define as progress? You might as well have a mail-order bride at this point, Solo.”

“Like you’re one to talk. You’re involved with a woman you’ve only met once at a Comic-Con and lives in another state.” 

“At least she knows my real name.”

Ben chewed the side of his thumb, feeling slightly contrite from the rebuke and perplexed about how to respond.

Hux tapped his fingers on the table impatiently. “This is gonna come back to bite you, man. You’re not smooth enough to pull something like this off. You’re not like your-” Hux cut himself off and cleared his throat. 

_Your dad._ Ben finished the thought in his mind. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep sigh, full of sorrow and frustration. There were many things he had inherited from his father, sarcasm and snark being a few of them, but he had not inherited his father’s charisma.

“The longer it goes on, the worse it’s going to be.” Hux finished his thought.

Ben leaned back in his seat and studied Hux as he thought about the man’s words. He was wearing a red athletic henley shirt, which was completely juxtaposed to Hux’s normal style, as evidenced by the fact that the ginger man wore dress slacks with it. It _must_ be the machination of his love interest. 

“What the heck are you wearing?”

Hux grabbed the fabric with this forefinger and thumb and pulled it away from his chest so as to inspect it more closely. A series of emotions flitted across his face, beginning with disdain, followed by helpless resignation, and ending with fondness. 

“Ah.” Ben smirked triumphantly. 

Hux pointed his finger at him and his face darkened. “Don’t even start.”

Ben rubbed the day-old scruff on the bottom of his chin. “I thought redheads were supposed to avoid the color red because it made their hair look more orange than red.”

Hux harrumphed. “It’s 2017, Ben. Fashion rules change.” He twitched nervously. “Besides… This is blood-orange, not red.”

Ben leaned forward. “Blood-orange?! You pretentious idiot. It’s freakin’ red!” 

“If you’re finished with your pathetic excuse for a fashion critique, could we return to the issue at hand?”

Ben picked up his phone and started scrolling through Twitter absentmindedly. He knew he needed to face this, which is why he asked Hux to meet him, but he wasn't too keen on jumping now that he stood at the precipice.

“Ya know,” Hux leaned in, “women always figure out the truth.” Hux looked at him pointedly. “Always.”

Ben huffed at him. 

“I’m gonna get my muffin now. Want one?” Hux stood up.

“Yeah.” Ben nodded at him. “A cranberry-orange one. Thanks.”

Hux sneered at him, “I’ll hold your place in line.”

Ben scowled at him. Hux broke into laughter. 

“Jerk!” Ben threw a balled-up napkin at him, which Hux dodged easily, still chuckling. 

Ben thought about Hux’s advice about revealing himself to Rey and acknowledged that Hux was right. Best to rip off the proverbial band-aid. Perhaps asking Rey to do a video call would suffice. Maybe seeing each other’s faces could help her see how contrite he was over all of this mess and inspire additional compassion towards him. He just had to plan out a reason to video call her. He could figure that out later. 

He saw Hux’s coffee mug sitting there, innocently and unattended. He pulled out a sharpie marker out of his laptop bag and wrote “I’m a git” on the bottom of his cup. 

Hux returned with only one muffin and took a large, exaggerated bite. It was a cranberry-orange muffin and he spoke around the food in his mouth to spite him. “So.. you decided not to get a muffin after all?” He smiled a devious smile at Ben while chewing.

Then he picked up his coffee and drank.

People sitting behind Ben began to snicker at the message scribbled on the base of Hux’s cup. Ben just smiled back at him innocently. 

“If you’re ready to bring your brooding session to a close, is there anything more that I can help you with here? You did call me for help with this, though I can’t imagine why.”

“Well, beggars can’t be choosers, and I don’t have many friends that are in a relationship to seek advice from.”

“Face it, Ben. You don’t have many friends, period.”

“You’re not wrong.”

Hux preened and took another sip from his graffitied cup. Ben’s face twitched in suppressed laughter. 

When Ben drove home, he felt excited and anxious. He dialed his mom. “Mom, I’m gonna tell her it’s me. I’m freaking out.”

“It’s okay, son. If she’s the one for you, she will understand. If she isn’t, then it’s better to know earlier than later.” Leia’s aged voice reassured him.

“Thanks, mom. I really want this to work out.” 

“I know, son. You’re gonna be okay either way. You’ve got me. You have Hux and Lando. Luke loves you too and wants to rebuild things. We’re here for you, no matter what.”

…….

Most of the morning had been spent on the phone with Kylo. Rey bit her lip when she thought about the ridiculous amount of shameless flirting they both had engaged in, giggling like a couple of middle-schoolers over the phone as he guided her to align the telrad. They had lingered on the phone for a while after. Rey would never regret allowing herself the guilty pleasure of flirting with a stranger she would probably never meet and wallowing in the raptures of such attention from a man. A smart man at that.

Rey still had several hours to burn before she met up with Poe that evening. She decided to busy herself with creating another upcycled shirt. If she distracted herself with something, it would hopefully prevent her from self-destructing over her nervousness. She chose the most complicated upcycle she could find to busy her fingers. The tutorial was a Youtube video in another language, but Rey was able to watch the instructor well enough to follow along. 

She cut thin strips of fabric from one of her t-shirts and wove them into the design, following the tutorial. She continued on by hand stitching the woven design onto another shirt. Rey lost herself in the intricacies of the design. About thirty minutes before she had to leave to meet up with Poe she was finished. She liked it enough to wear it out tonight. 

Her coping mechanism was successful and she arrived at Dave and Buster’s feeling beautiful and confident. It was an odd feeling, but a welcome one.

Poe’s friends, Finn and Rose, were very kind and welcoming. Finn was dark-skinned and handsome. Rose was a short Asian with cute hair and who's natural beauty was accented by the faintest of makeup.

They were making their way around the arcade area as a group. Finn and Poe were already in a deep discussion about the new Marvel movie Rey had seen with Poe and still didn’t understand.

“I love your shirt, by the way,” the Asian woman complimented Rey as they wandered through the arcade. 

“Thanks!” Rey smiled, thankful that Rose was making this easy by starting the conversation. “It didn’t take but a few hours. It was fun.”

“Wait! You made that?!” 

“Yeah. You couldn’t tell?” 

“Not at all! I thought it was a high-end designer or something. Now that you said that you made it and I’m paying more attention, I see the arms aren’t hemmed.” Rose’s eyes went wide. “But it looks amazing all the same!” She finished the last sentence with her hands in the air, gesturing as though she was trying to recover from a crucial error. 

Rey wasn’t offended by Rose’s correct observation of the sleeve hem’s state and wondered why she was concerned that a statement of fact would be offensive. She chewed her lip in thought. Did people actually get offended so easily? And over facts? Rey thought of all the times someone had walked away from her abruptly after she had said something of a similar nature. She realized Rose was studying her face and tucked the thought away in her pocket to pull out and mull over later. 

“I seriously didn’t even notice until you said something. It's an amazing shirt. I hope I didn’t-” 

Rey cut her off with a barked laugh. Rose must have similar people problems.

“It’s fine, Rose. For real. It _is_ handmade and something I’m proud of.” Rey beamed a smile at her and then waxed philosophical. “I think handmade items are special. The little blemishes and mistakes give it character, in a way, and remind me that life is beautiful and messy at the same time.” 

Rose looked pensive. “Can you make me one but in mustard yellow? I’ll pay you. I _really_ like it!”

Rey’s mouth opened slightly. The thought of being paid for her tinkering came as a surprise. It would be nice to have some extra money doing something she enjoyed. 

“Sure…” What would be the best way to make sure the shirts are the right size for Rose and the exact color she wanted? Rey looked up at the ceiling to give her brain a chance to think amidst the blinking lights and cacophonous beeps of the arcade. “You’ll need to bring me the shirts. Just two matching t-shirts in whatever size you want.”

“Okay! Let’s exchange numbers. I can give you thirty dollars for it. Will that be enough?” 

Rey felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket and pulled it out while answering. “Thirty would be great, Rose. Amazing, actually! Are you sure it’s worth that? I can have it done within a day of you getting the shirts to me.” Rey read her text, trying to temper her excitement by diluting it with the distraction of a text from Kylo. 

**Kylo: It was fun talking to you today. Let me know what a good evening for you would be and I’ll talk you through aligning the tripod and how to use the equatorial mount. We didn’t get to that part today.**

Rey continued to read the text several times, reliving the fun and the thrill of her morning conversation and imagining what unexpected and exciting turns her next conversation with him may take, because- holy crap!- he wanted to talk to her _again_. She was vaguely aware of the attention of those around her and that they had all stopped walking.

“Awww! You must be texting Mr. Mystery.” 

Rey’s head snapped up to see Poe with a mischievous grin on his face. The three had fanned out around her, circling her like they were sharks and there was blood in the water. Her blood.

“Why do you say that?” Rey looked at him confused. 

“You have that same lovesick look on your face you did last week.” 

Rey shot him a doubtful and challenging look that Poe returned by adding more detail. 

“Ya know… When I was trying to take you out on a date and you rebuffed my every attempt of romance-”

He was cut off by Finn making a sound that was between a choke and a laugh.

“Hey!” Poe pointed his finger at him while Finn continued to laugh behind his hand. He finally cleared his throat in a gesture resembling that of an attempt to compose himself. The mockery and sarcasm tainted his manner. “I’m romantic!” Poe’s tone was insistent.

Finn burst out into laughter again and Rose’s shoulders bounced with suppressed laughter and she pursed her lips together so tightly that dimples formed in her cheeks. Relief and amusement flooded Rey and she joined the other two as Poe stood indignantly with his hands on his hips. The three slowly calmed under his glare.

“Sorry, man… Your flirting sucks.” Rose finally braved.

And they all burst into laughter once more while Poe shook his head. Finn wrapped himself around Rose and started rubbing himself on her like he was a cat smothering a catnip toy. Spinning around, he rubbed his back against her while pawing at her. “I’m Poe. Love me. Aren’t I so romantic? Don’t you just love me so much.” 

Rey lost herself in laughter and couldn’t hold her words back any longer. She joined the roasting of her friend. “Oh my God! That’s exactly him! That’s exactly what it was like last week!” 

Finn spun around and turned to her. “Rey…” He had a serious look on his face and his dark eyes reflected the lights of the arcade. “I am so sorry for your suffering.” He placed a gentle hand on her upper arm, as though he was comforting her. “If you need help, I think there’s an anonymous program out there for those recovering from Poe’s advances. I can get you in touch-”

He was shoved away from her by Poe. “Yeah, yeah, yeah… such a funny guy. Always has the jokes. Ha, ha, ha. Let’s go, so I can kick your butt in air hockey again.” 

The four started to make their way to the back where two air hockey tables stood. As they approached, Rose grabbed her arm in a friendly manner.

“Rey, tell us about him! Why is Poe calling him Mr. Mystery?” The Asian woman looked up at her with gleaming, curious eyes.

“I just met him online. I-I don’t actually know him. There’s really nothing there, he’s just helping me organize an astronomical event for kids and he’s teaching me how to use a telescope.” Rey’s words were rushed and she hoped that would be the end of it.

“Wait!” Finn cut in and halted their approach to the tables, “A guy is helping you plan a _kids’_ event?”

Rey felt her forehead wrinkle. “Yes,” she answered hesitantly, drawing the word out a second longer than necessary.

“Rey, I know we just met, but trust me on this, okay? If a guy is helping a girl plan anything to do with children, there is _something_ going on.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her and his tone had a teasing, sing-song tone to it.

“Whatever,” Rey rolled her eyes. “He’s not even here. He lives in Colorado. He’s just giving me ideas and stuff.” 

Poe continued the heckling, happy to have someone else for the group to tease instead of himself, “Yeah, and that telescope he’s helping her with… he mailed it to her. It’s a nice one, too!” 

All three of them gave her a look of suspicion and surprise, and Rey instantly regretted sharing any details about her life with Poe. Following their disastrous dating attempt and his vow to just be friends, they had conversed via text on several occasions. Rey figured the hopeless romantic was living vicariously through her relationship with Kylo. It was the only explanation for why he asked her about him so frequently. 

“It gets better, guys.” Poe was grinning like a hyena with its prey cornered. “He’s a professor of astronomy and he went around to his colleagues collecting print materials and project ideas for her event.” 

Finn was gaping at her now. “Rey, men don’t just do that. He probably stalked your Facebook and thought you were pretty, and now he’s into you.” He tried to reason with her. 

Rose pulled Rey towards her quasi protectively. “Rey, what do _you_ think of this guy? Are _you_ interested?” 

Rey was pensive for a moment, everyone eagerly watching her. “I...I don’t know.” 

“Rey…” Poe slung his arm over her shoulder and pulled her close. “Look..” He looked up at the ceiling with his forehead wrinkled. “How do I explain this?” He mumbled. Everyone saw it when the revelation hit it. “Here! Watch this…” Poe then addressed Rose. “Rose, what did Hux think of the shirt you sent him for his birthday?”

A lovesick look broke out immediately on her face and a tight smile curved her lips while her cheeks lightly flushed red. 

“That...” Poe pointed to Rose, “...Is what you look like when he…” Poe tapped the phone Rey held in her hands.”..texts you.”

Rey’s mouth opened slightly in realization. “Do I really?”

They all nodded in affirmation. 

“Let’s help her, guys,” Finn said earnestly. 

Poe removed his arm from around her shoulders and rubbed his palms together in anticipation. “I love these games.” 

“So what should I answer?” Rey showed them the message from Kylo. 

“Is it clear tonight? Tell him you would like his help tonight.” Poe suggested.

“Poe…” Finn flung his arm around his shoulders and pulled his head in close to his. “You’re not allowed to advise her on this. We actually want this to be successful.” 

Poe harrumphed and lowered his head enough to push Finn’s arm off his shoulders. 

“Well…” Rose looked equal parts playful and pensive. “We can know what _not_ to say based on Poe’s suggestions.” 

“Oh my God, you guys are a bunch of idiots.” Poe crossed his arms over his chest.

Rose actually proved helpful. “Make sure it doesn’t sound suggestive, but tell him you can talk to him tonight.” Rey nodded and sent the text.

**Rey: Hey Kylo. I enjoyed talking to you too! I am available tonight if you want to help me then.**

“Hey, back to the shirt thing…” Rose was mercifully changing the subject and the guys fired up the air hockey table. Rey was grateful, she needed to not think about what awaited her tonight. “You should open an Etsy shop. Just make things to order so you’re not out a bunch of money or having to store a bunch of stuff.”

Rey chewed her lip and let her eyes follow the hockey pucked as it was knocked to and fro across the white-lit, humming table. “That’s a good idea, although I don’t have a lot of experience with that sort of thing.”

“I can help you,” Rose said cheerfully. “It could be something fun we do together.”

Rey liked the sound of that. It was easier to bond with someone when you were working together on something, and Rey liked Rose. She could easily bow out of this. There was a myriad of excuses in her arsenal. Her master's degree program, a lack of time, a lack of interest. Instead, she nodded at the potential risk and accepted the next challenge life presented her. “Let’s do it.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the planet Venus in a telescope. You can see the user play with the focus. Understanding how objects look larger when out of focus and smaller as the image becomes sharper will save you a lot of time when it comes to stargazing with a telescope. [This video will show you what it looks like in a telescope when you're trying to focus.](https://youtu.be/rkRy4gJ4-zs)
> 
> [The tutorial Rey used to make her upcycled shirt.](https://lindaloves.de/makramee-lernen-festival-fashion-diy-upcycling/)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE REVEAL IS FINALLY HERE!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I want to thank my betas! They make me sound smart. It's seriously a pretence, y'all. They had to correct 'backpettled' to 'backpedaled.' It's THAT bad. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the reveal. You've waited patiently for it.

It was around nine o’clock that night when Rey returned home from hanging out with Poe, Finn, and Rose at Dave and Buster‘s. As she prepared herself for a call with Kylo, she remembered that it was a bad idea to try to set up a telescope once dark and feared that he most likely would tell her that he couldn’t help her tonight. Disappointment flooded her at the thought that the much anticipated call may not happen. However, this  _ could  _ be an opportunity for her to get a pulse on his intention towards her.

Rey paced the floor of her dorm room as she reasoned with herself. Shaking from nerves, she grabbed the now-familiar black hoodie and pulled it on. If they were only talking because of a telescope, he would say they should talk a different night. If Poe, Finn, and Rose were right- that he was interested in her- then he would still want to talk to her even if it wasn’t about the telescope. 

If he agreed to talk to her, Rey would take that as a sign to move this whatever-it-was forward. Be brave. Give it a shot. After all, he lived miles away. She could practice flirting and enjoy a low-pressure relationship. If it went south, she wouldn’t have to worry about facing him. This could be a safe way for Rey to experience a little romance. Gain a little experience. Win-win, right?

If Kylo did not want to talk because it was too late to get her telescope out... If he put off talking to her tonight because of  _ that _ , she would take it as a sign that he wasn’t really interested in her and make more of an effort to move on from this weird interest.

Rey sighed at herself and tangled her fingers in her hair, gripping the roots and pulling in frustration. That would mean she had  _ two _ unhealthy romantic interests. An obsession with a stranger from whom she thieved the knitted, hooded jacket, and a stranger she exchanged insults with over the internet. Rey plopped down on her bed, elbows digging into her knees and hands still in her hair. She apparently had a thing for strangers.

So she really  _ did _ need to put herself out there more and find ways to experience romantic relationships. Maybe get to know people in real life before she obsessed over them. Or how about she first work on not obsessing over people.

Right.

Things could still develop with this Kylo guy, though. Rey flinched when pain flashed in her lip. She had unconsciously gnawed a huge crater into the inside of her mouth, just below her lip. She needed to calm down. 

Sinking down onto the bed, Rey closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, hoping to stop the impending anxiety attack. This was a stupid thing to have an attack over. Rey flopped backwards on her bed and stared at the ceiling, deeply breathing. It was a good thing she caught herself before she stumbled too far down that dark path.

The pinging of her phone chime pulled her further into the light and she sat up to check it.

**Poe: I may not be allowed to give you flirting advice, but I do want you to know that you’re wonderful. Rose and Finn both loved you tonight. I’m a bit jealous of this guy. He would be crazy not to return your interest. Good luck tonight! You got this!**

**Rey: thanks, Poe. I was freaking out and your message was exactly what I needed to hear.**

**Poe: anytime**

Wringing her hands together a final time, but with hope rising in her heart, Rey switched contacts and took the plunge.

**Rey: Hey! I was out with friends a bit later tonight than I had originally planned. It’s a bit late to set up the telescope since you said I shouldn’t do it in the dark. But, we can still talk if you’re up to it.**

Rey reread her message and feared it sounded too desperate. She really should make it a habit to proofread things before sending them. She tried to reverse the damage.

**Rey: Maybe we can set it up in my room just to practice. Look out my window with it or something.**

**Kylo: I would love to still talk to you tonight.**

Rey’s phone slipped from her hands upon reading his reply. Apparently  _ he _ wasn’t afraid of sounding desperate. 

**Kylo: It’s fine to set it up in your room. Probably less pressure since you’re on campus and people may walk up and bug you while you’re learning.**

**Kylo: I’m still getting mine set up. I’ll call you in a few minutes.**

**Rey: You’re setting yours up? Not for an event, but just to do it?**

**Kylo: What can I say? You’ve inspired me.**

**Kylo: I’ll video call you in about 5 minutes.**

**Rey: Sounds fun! Can’t wait!**

Rey dropped her phone down on the bed and yelled into her pillow. Standing up and pacing again, she silently screamed at herself, “Oh, my gawd! He wants to video call?! I’m not ready for this.” She dashed to her mirror and checked her hair and face. 

Her telescope was still set up from her phone call with him earlier. She tried to distract herself from initiating the self-destruct sequence by spending the remaining few minutes before he called looking it over.

After checking it over- what was there to check?- and cleaning off some dust which had accumulated in a crevice, she checked the time on her phone. She still had three minutes. The longest three minutes in all of recorded history. She walked back to the mirror and combed her fingers through her hair a little. Staring at her reflection, she pondered if it would look better if parted on the other side. She tried to part it differently. No good. Two minutes left. She flipped her hair over her head and fluffed it for more volume. She used the mirror once more to tame down the crazy while maintaining the newly acquired volume. 

Her video call tone rang. How should she answer? Should she be sitting down, waiting on his call? Would that look too eager? Or should she seem busy? Why didn’t she spend the five minutes figuring this out instead of playing with her hair?

She walked over to her desk. Sitting down, she stared at the ringing phone, willing herself to answer. 

“We’re really doing this, huh?” she spoke to herself.

She took one last deep breath and hit the green ‘answer’ button.

It took a few moments for both video streams to connect. Then she heard his voice.

“Hey Rey.” His voice has dropped down to an even deeper register than she had remembered hearing from him this morning. It sounded breathy and almost tinitive.

Rey gaped as his face came into focus and she saw familiar features. The same dark brown eyes and long, black hair she recognized from her Star-man so many weeks ago. “Oh, my god...” She breathed out. She studied his face in disbelief. “It  _ is _ you.”

One side of his mouth pulled up in a half smile. “It’s me.”

“This whole time, you knew it was me.” She wasn’t sure if she asked it or stated it.

His forehead crinkled in worry and he shook his head. The movement was so slight that she barely noticed. His mouth was no longer curled upward, but drawn. His cheek twitched under the strain. 

“I….” He looked away from the camera, obviously trying to figure out how to explain. “I didn’t know it was you when we were posting on the groups.” He cleared his throat and looked back at her. His eyes were serious and full of so many emotions. “When you private-messaged me, I looked at your profile more carefully and found a better picture. That’s when I knew it was you. Your profile picture is a silhouette of yourself on the beach. I had no way of recognizing you from that alone.”

Rey sat back, her back colliding with the back of her chair. “That’s why you backpedaled so hard over private-messaging.” It all made sense now. 

“Yes” His voice rumbled. “I”m sorry. I hope you’re not upset that I knew it was you and didn’t tell you who I was. I wanted a chance to- to-” He looked away once again, the silence deafening. “Rey,” he tried to continue, “I’m not… I don’t…” He closed his eyes and shook his head again, his hair shifting from the movement. The light caught on the texture as it moved and Rey itched to run her fingers through it. 

“Kylo.” When she called him, his eyes and face snapped up to look immediately at her. His eyes were glassy. She realized there was much he wanted to tell her but was afraid. Rey was also afraid, but someone had to talk first. “Kylo,” She began again, now with him watching her intently, “I’m not angry-”

“Ben,” he cut her off. His head lifted just enough for the camera to catch his eyes. They danced back and forth, studying her expression. One side of his mouth curled up and he offered additional clarification. “My name is Ben. Kylo is just an alias I use on Facebook.” 

“Ben,” she whispered and he nodded.

“Ben Solo.” 

“I like that much better than Kylo.” What sort of a name was Kylo anyway? It probably should have been obvious to her that it was just an alias. How long had she been calling him that? Oh, no! What if he thought she was stupid or something? Heat flooded her face and her throat felt tight. Lord only knew what crazy things he thought about her. He, a professor of astronomy, and one of his first impressions of her was her confusing his life’s work with astrology. He was brilliant enough to be selected for astronaut training before the separation between his mother and his father. And she was just- 

_ His father! _

“Oh, my god!” Rey exclaimed in realization. “They called you away that night we met. You left suddenly. I couldn’t find you later.” She searched his face, trying to find the right words. “Was that the night your dad...” Her voice trailed off when she realized how insensitive the question was.

His face crumbling on the screen before her, gave her the answer.

“Ben, I’m so sorry about your fa-”

“I’m so glad I met you that night.” He interrupted her once more. “I hope this isn’t too much, too soon, but you were so kind to me that night after I was so rude to you. As you can imagine, I don’t have many friends, I...” His eyes dropped once more. “I…” 

“Ben, it’s okay. I understand.” 

He looked up “I know.” His eyes bored into hers. “I know you understand. That’s why I’m glad I met you that night. I thought of you.” His eyes were so expressive. “While in the hospital. While facing my uncle again after all these years. I thought about how you understood me, a stranger.” He dropped his gaze away from her. It must be difficult for him to be this vulnerable, and with a veritable stranger. “I thought about your light and it gave me hope and helped me believe in myself.

“I thought I would never see you again.” He released a single chuckle and the side of his mouth pulled up once again. He had a small dimple emerge from the smile. Rey’s heart fluttered from the sight. “Imagine my shock when I realized it was  _ you,” - _ he gestured with his hands- “I tore to shreds online. I was horrified. My mom convinced me to try even though I had resigned myself to giving up.” Rey watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

“I felt I needed to make it up to you a bit before I let you know who I was. I was afraid if I told you straight away who I was, that you would-”

Rey shook her head emphatically at him. It was her turn to cut him off. “Never!”

He smiled fully at her then, the skin around his eyes crinkling, his smile revealing slightly crooked teeth. 

They were just smiling at each other like idiots when a knock sounded on Rey’s door. She rolled her eyes. “Sorry, just a sec.” She rose to answer the door. “RA duty calls.” She spoke back to him from over her shoulder.

…………

Ben watched Rey move away from the screen and answer the door. She was wearing an oversized knit cardigan-hoodie and fitted, light-toned jeans, which were tucked down into a pair of worn black leather boots. He heard her talking in the distance but couldn’t make out anything she was saying. He observed what he could see of her dorm room while he awaited her return. 

He saw the telescope set up from their conversation earlier today and beyond were posters on her walls. Taking a closer look, he noticed one was a poster for Lindsey Stirling’s  _ Artemis _ album. Ben’s face split wide in a grin when he made out the next poster. It was an educational poster he sent her with all the supplies: a fully labeled map of the moon. Warmth bloomed in his chest just thinking about how a small piece of him was put on display in her room. Maybe she thought of him every time she looked at it. 

Rey was walking back towards the camera and he noticed more of her clothing. She was wearing a rose pink shirt with fringe down the front. The top of the fringe was braided and woven into a pattern. His fingers longed to play with the fringe. One side of her cardigan - or maybe it was a jacket- had slipped off her shoulder and she tugged it back up. It was then that he realized several things: one, her shirt was sleeveless. Two, her skin was sun-kissed, and lastly, the jacket was huge on her. 

She returned to her position in front of the camera, and he finally noticed the familiar buttons trailing down the side of her jacket. 

“Is that my jacket?” He gaped at her.  _ “That’s my jacket!” _

Her face exploded into a deep red color and she began to tug it off her shoulders frantically, sputtering apologies and intentions of returning it.

“No, no, no!” He stopped her, waving his hands at her. “It’s okay. Keep it.” He looked her over again and felt his face split wide once more with a pleasurable grin. “It suits you.” He nodded at her, seeing her uncertainty and trying to reassure her. “Keep it.” He looked down, trying to decipher how forward he should be with her. He looked back up at her, finally deciding to be brave. She would want him to be brave. “I want you to keep it.”

Her beaming smile was confirmation that he was right to be brave. She tugged the sides closed around her, seemingly snuggling down into it. His chest swelled with pride at the sight and realization that he was, in some inadvertent way, taking care of her. 

“I’m glad you said I could keep it.” She giggled and it slayed him. He was a goner. Completely gone. “I know I  _ said _ I would mail it back, but…” She bit her lip, looking bashful. “I was lying. I’ve commandeered it.” She looked down again, most likely concentrating. Finally, she looked back up at him through her lashes and Ben decided that he could die a happy man just from having her look at him like  _ that. _ Like he’s the most important person in her world. Like she would let him take care of her. Like she would enjoy it. “It smelled like you, but not so much anymore. But I wear it often when I’m cold or… Or…” She dropped her eyes once more; perhaps she was afraid of his reaction. He decided to wait on her, hoping she would trust him enough to share her thoughts with him. “... When I’m nervous about something.” 

Ben could hardly breathe. She already  _ had _ turned to him for comfort. “Rey,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry! You probably are  _ completely _ creeped out by that. I shouldn’t have said anything. I  _ swear _ I’m not normally like this!” Her voice was borderline hysterical. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Lord only knows what you think of-”

“Rey!” Ben knew he was grinning like an idiot, but he couldn’t stop it. She finally looked back up at him. He completely forgot what he’d wanted to say. “You’re beautiful.” He blinked his eyes and shook his head slightly to clear it. He didn’t mean to say that and now he was kicking himself for being so forward. He didn’t mean to say that! He was just so caught up in her admission and her eyes that it came out.

She responded by erupting once again into a furious blush. Then she decided that he hadn’t been tortured enough apparently and hurled the final blow by nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.

“We’re both idiots, aren’t we?” she laughed. He smiled back at her, unused to such mirth in his life. She bit her bottom lip and he closed his eyes to compose himself, then remembered her question about them both being idiots.

“I swear  _ I’m _ not normally like this.” He pointed to his chest. “I’m not like this with anyone.” He studied her face again, discerning if it’s still safe to continue. He leaned forward. “ _ Just you.” _

“Me too, Ben.” Rey’s voice was husky. “Me too.”

Another knock pulled them both out of their trance.

Rey rolled her eyes again and mumbled, “I hate being an RA. I don’t care if it allows me to stay on campus for free and have a room to myself. It freakin’ stinks.” She rose up and returned to the door.

Observing her room once again, Ben saw moonlight spilling into her room, illuminating her cream-colored bedspread and telescope in front of him. There were books, both textbooks and novels, scattered at the foot of her bed. He guessed she must be an avid reader since literature classes are not commonly required for engineering majors. 

The moonbeams danced about her room. She must have vertical blinds in her window which were moving from the central air. 

He was outside right now, sitting by his assembled telescope, the sun had set and he awaited the disappearance of the light of dusk and for the stars to fully reveal themselves. He hadn’t done this in so long. He allowed himself a moment to grieve the time lost from his own festering resentment and bitterness.

The full moon had already risen above the horizon despite the faint glow of twilight painting the western sky ombres of orange and blue. The moon called to him. The ice crystals in the rapidly chilling air caught the moonbeams, creating a glow around the celestial body. 

Turning his face upwards, he greeted the moon, “Luna, my old friend. How I’ve missed you.” 

The moonlight shone down on him in response. He closed his eyes to absorb the glory of it and breathed deeply, accepting new life into his soul. He stood, adjusted the telescope, focused the lens, and photographed the moon. 

He took different shots from various angles, adjusting the zoom by changing out lenses, capturing different features of Luna’s surface. A gray filter enhanced various attributes of the mountain range he was focused on right now. He was absorbed in his long lost hobby when he was called back to reality by the ringing of a sweet voice. 

“Ben! BeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeen.” She sang his name out, trying to call his attention. He grabbed the phone he had set down. “Sorry about that,” She explained when he turned to the phone. “I’m so over college. Over it. Anyway… what are you grinning about right now?”

“I’m photographing the moon.” His cheeks were sore from grinning. He felt light from the rush of endorphins. “You inspired me. I’ve taken several shots, including some close-ups of Tycho.”

“Oh! The big crater with all the  _ ejecta _ , right?”

“Yeah.” Ben felt his face burn with embarrassment. Why did the scientific name have to be so lewd? “That’s the one.” She grinned knowingly at him. Ben steeled himself to be tormented by her. Why did he have to say  _ that _ word so much the day he met her? Why couldn’t he be smooth under pressure like his-

“I want to see your pictures!” 

A breath of relief escaped him. “Sure thing. I have to edit them first, but I’ll send them to you.” 

“Can you send me some unedited ones? It’s a weird request, but I sometimes like raw images that capture the moment and aren’t all about the special effects and features, ya know? ‘Beauty in the imperfections,’ type stuff?” She used her hands to gesture air quotes.

Ben gave her a funny look. 

“Namaste?” Rey shrugged with a goofy grin on her face.

_ This woman and her funny antics. _ He chuckled at her, making her smile grow wider. 

“You said you would show me your set-up.”

“Sure!” Ben was excited to show her. He flipped the screen around on his phone and gave her the grand tour. He pointed out the motor, running on a car battery below. The t-ring that connected his camera to the end of the telescope. The counter weight systems that held the telescope steady.

Ben felt confident, and it was a rare feeling. He was skilled at astrophotography, especially when it came to photographing the moon. It was easy because it didn’t require long exposure times. It felt wonderful to have someone interested in his talent and affirming his work. Next he gave her a tour of his various lenses and explained their different uses, before their conversation sidetracked into various and sundry rabbit holes.

Rey was now yawning. Looking at the time, he realized it was almost midnight in Florida. They had been talking for almost three hours. 

“Rey, I’ve kept you up too long. You need to go to bed.” 

“No… I don’t want to hang up. I like talking to you.” She was laying down, curled up under the covers. Her eyes were taking long blinks. They occasionally closed for several moments before she would jolt awake again. “What are you photographing now?”

“A nebula.” He decided to try to lull her asleep by monologuing about the nebula and astrophotography. Then he would disconnect the call to let her rest. “I’m photographing the Horsehead Nebula. It has a portion of it that sticks up and literally looks like a horse’s head. It’s funny because all the pictures of nebulas you see are colorful. But if you saw the nebula in a telescope, it’s all grey, actually. They are so faint that it takes several hours worth of film to collect enough light for the colors to come through. Usually, I take twenty-five pictures, each one being about four to five hours of exposure, and layer them for the finer details to come out. It’s tedious and time-consuming. Most people have no idea what goes into those photos you see posted online.”

A soft snore drew his attention away from the various details and facts he had been expounding to her. Sure enough, she was asleep, her breathing pattern having slowed, her face relaxed and lit by the moonlight. She looked like an angel and he watched her sleep for several minutes before disconnecting the call. Immediately, he began work on the moon photographs while his first four-hour exposure of the nebula ran its course. 

He chose a zoomed out image that picked up the reflection of moonbeams in the frozen water vapor- the sight that inspired him. He attached the unedited image to his text and sent it to her.

**Kylo: [moon.jpg]**

**Kylo: We are all of us wanderers, Chasing moonbeams, Our hearts full of wonder, Our souls drowsy with dreams.**

**Kylo: Thank you for reawakening my dream. Goodnight, my moonbeam.**

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The short four-line poem Ben sent Rey at the end is from 'Ramblings of the Claury.'
> 
> [ Here's a video](https://youtu.be/RPOZ9S2lxcU) about image stacking for astrophotography.
> 
> If you're interested in Ben's telescope and camera set up for astrophotography, [here it is.](https://youtu.be/5RUk1xk-WDs)
> 
> [Here's an explanation](https://youtu.be/4BEKjE7K5u4) for why every photograph from NASA is 'photoshopped.'


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Luke reconcile. Rey has some big decisions to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There isn't a significant amount of interaction between our space babies in this chapter. They have a little more growing before they can meet in person once more. However, we are getting closer! I hope you all enjoy the update. I appreciate all the comments. They are so encouraging and motivating. I'm also thankful for my betas and my friends, BasicAlliments and PenofaPolski. They help me sound smarter and stop me from deleting the story every time I am frustrated.

Ben had just finished shaving and was rinsing the razor out when his phone rang. Picking it up and flipping it over, he saw his mother’s face. She probably wanted to snoop on how things went with Rey last night. He had appreciated her affirmation and encouragement but was a bit uneasy about confiding his blossoming relationship with his mother. He shuddered at the thought.

He silenced the phone and finished brushing his teeth.

And his phone was ringing again. Leia’s persistence was not something to toil with. She would win. He knew it. She knew it. It was inevitable; resistance was futile. Sighing, he acquiesced and answered the phone.

He put the phone on speaker and answered with an exasperated exhale. “Yes, mom.”

“Benjamin Bail Solo! Don’t you ‘mom’ me!” 

The side of his mouth quirked at her dramatic antics. “What exactly should I call you then? Mother? Oh, Great Matriarch of our family? Your worship-”

“Don’t start with me, young man. I’m still your mother,” she chided him. 

“Yes, ma’am,” he said compliantly. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your call this morning?”

“I’m going to assume last night went well since you didn’t tell me otherwise. We all know you only know how to express negative emotion, so the lack of emotion indicates success.”

“You know me so well.” He wiped his face dry with a towel.

“I’m calling to invite you to dinner tonight with me and Luke.” There was finality in her tone.

He looked at his ceiling. He knew this was coming. He knew it needed to come. It didn’t mean he liked it though. “Mom…”

“Let me clarify,” She cleared her throat. “I command you to come to dinner.”

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“Six p.m.”

He sniffed at her. She cleared her throat back at him. He sniffed louded at her. She coughed back at him.

“Bring drinks.”

Ben broke into a light chuckle “I’ll bring root beer. Luke hates root beer.”

“Sounds delightful.” She hung up.

Ben was fond of his mother. When she and his father had reconciled, it was the greatest relief in Ben’s life. He felt like he had his family returned to him. Throughout the year-long ordeal, he had refused to pick sides, which had resulted in being partially estranged from both. He hadn’t handled it well, hence the whole depression episode and the subsequent ban from space travel.

Let the past die. 

He had determined while in the hospital with his father to reconcile with Luke if he demonstrated true remorse. Ben appreciated Rey’s forgiveness and belief in him, so he decided to try it on for size. He was still bringing root beer to dinner though. Store brand root beer. Ben smirked devilishly at himself in the mirror.

………..

Rey laid in bed as long as she could stand it on Sunday morning, just because she could. The buzzing of her phone interrupted her staring contest with the ceiling. 

Waking up to Ben’s photograph of the moon and his caption had been both a thrill and a jolt. It was very forward of him. Rey had never before experienced such interest, at least not interest she equally returned. She wanted this but was unnerved by it. Like wading through murky waters. The water may be refreshing, but you can’t see what’s  _ in _ the water.

She had changed so much and so quickly. Was it healthy? Was it positive? Rey knew she had needed change in her life and had needed to make some hard choices. Take life by the bull horns, blah, blah blah. But was it too much, too soon? Had she overdone it?

Her current solution to her conundrum was to stare at the ceiling, trying to ground herself. She had yet to respond to Ben other than a meek expression of gratitude and a brief exchange of pleasantries. She hoped he wasn’t interpreting her conservative manner this morning as rejection. It certainly was not a rejection; she desired this. It was just overwhelming right now. 

Rey lifted her phone to her face when it buzzed against her hand.

**Rose: Hey Rey! What are you up to today?**

Rey certainly wasn’t going to come out and tell her she was laying in bed, contemplating the intricacies of her budding romantic relationship with a stranger over the internet whose jacket she had stolen. Nope. The best course was to deflect and talk about her frustrations with her career path. It seemed safer. Casual. People in college regularly complained about the course load, right?

**Rey: Just relaxing this morning before trying to mentally prepare myself for another week of classes. *eyeroll emoji***

**Rose: School rough right now?**

**Rey: No, not really. I’m on top of my school work, but I’m just over it. I started this master’s program because I didn’t have any job opportunities open up that would pay enough for me to have my own place. So I went for my masters and became an RA. It’s a stupid reason.**

**Rose: Girl, you gotta do whatcha gotta do!**

Looking back at the ceiling, Rey was unexpectedly overcome with emotion. Pushing aside the complexities of her love life for a moment- holy crap! She had a love life now?!- she allowed herself to  _ feel.  _ She thought that mentioning her frustrations to Rose was something innocent and harmless to use as a diversion. She was completely unprepared for the gaping hole of misery that opened in her spirit, causing water to run down the sides of her face.

She  _ was _ miserable. 

So often she had “faked it ‘til she made it,” smiled through the pain, forced herself to see the good, that she had blinded herself to the emptiness that laid dormant inside of her. So right now, in this moment and in this place, Rey let down the walls, took off the mask, and was honest with herself. With clenched teeth and silent hiccups, she let herself feel.

She was bored with school. Bored with engineering. Sure, she was good at it, “Gifted,” she had heard people say ad nauseum, but she didn’t love it. She wasn’t passionate about it. Maybe she  _ could _ tolerate it again if she found a job where she could design something, create something.  _ That _ was quickly becoming one of her passions now that she was trying it out in the form of upcycling clothing. Of course, engineering was about making things but not about making things that made people happy. More specifically, things that made  _ her _ happy. 

Rey blew out a deep breath, with her cheeks puffing out. It was complicated, difficult to articulate. If she could find the right words for it, maybe it would help her process it all and cope with it. Unfortunately, moments of clarity seemed few and far between when it came to her career. 

No matter the reason, making a few shirts had started to fill a void inside of her. She already had a commission despite only making two items! Perhaps she  _ should _ play around on the computer today and open that Etsy store as Rose had suggested. See what comes of it. If it was something that made her happy and she could make some side money off it, then why not?

Instead of making a large stock of items to sell, she could make items to order. That would mean less financial investment upfront and also fewer storage problems in her dorm. She would need to see how Rose felt about posing for pictures with the shirt Rey would make for her. Maybe she could take pictures of Rey in the existing shirts. 

If there was a way she could make Rose’s shirt unique from her own, it would also give her three different items already made that she could post on her new Etsy site. She just needed Rose to be okay with a unique design instead of a replica of the original Rey created the day prior.

Rey’s tears had subsided as the options before her built a bridge over the hole of misery. Opening an Etsy store and creating a side business wasn’t a long term solution. There was an impending decision about her career path looming over her head. Rey would have to face the fullness of her thoughts and feelings about engineering eventually. However, the Etsy store may provide her just enough of an outlet that she could survive her Master’s degree. 

Rey bit down on her lip and the back of her eyes stung once more. Her face itched from the salt left behind from the half-dried tear trails, and her nose was clogged. She didn’t want to just survive anymore. Survive her master’s degree to what end? A career she has to survive? A life that is spent surviving? 

Rey pressed her fingers into her eyes and debated if she should let herself fall apart once more over the horror of living in survival mode for the rest of her life or hide it away until a better moment arose. At that moment her phone pinged. 

**Rose: Random question: Do you own a sewing machine?**

Rey sat up as though the upright position would afford her more clarity. No. She will not live in survival mode. She will survive until the opportunity for more arises. And a sewing machine would open more opportunities. If she learned how to use a sewing machine- and owned one- it would open up several more projects she already had inspiration for. Two Pinterest boards were already brimming with future possibilities: ‘no-sew upcycled clothing’ and ‘one-of-these-days upcycled clothing.’ Rey had already priced sewing machines and had deemed the investment as being ‘down the road.’

**Rey: No**

**Rey: At least not yet…**

**Rey: Why?**

**Rose: My sister, Paige, bought a decent one a while back but lost interest. She’s actually pretty dangerous with it. I’m surprised she hasn’t yet been the muse of a corny horror film.**

**Rose: Anyway, she mentioned getting rid of it, and I thought of you and your shirts.**

**Rey: How much does she want for it?**

**Rose: I showed her a group pic of us all from last night, and she also wants one of your shirts. She said she would trade you.**

Rey stared at her phone in disbelief. Trading a shirt that would take only about two hours to make for a barely used sewing machine? Yes, please!

Another commission! 

And if Rose’s sister was open to a unique item that was similar in style, it could give her four products to post on her shop instead of three. Rey couldn’t believe her luck. She wiped her face with her arms and typed a reply.

**Rey: Sure! That’s awesome! I just need her to bring the two shirts she wants me to use. That way it’s the right fit and color she wants.**

**Rey: ALSO! Idk how you feel about this, but I was thinking since you wanted your shirt to be hunter green, it would be super cute to add in some wooden beads. Make it earthy/boho looking???**

**Rose: OHHHHH! I like that!**

**Rose: I’ll bring the shirts for both me and Paige over later today.**

**Rey: Sounds like a plan, Jan.**

Rey looked at her text message in horror. Why was she so awkward?

**Rey: Sorry… that was probably lame and weird. LoL**

**Rose: ROFL! You’re hilarious, Rey. We need to hang out soon, just us girls.**

**Rose: I also need to hear how things went with your online guy last night. *winky emoji***

Rey was uncertain how to respond. Rose was obviously extending an opportunity to become friends and female friends talked about their boyfriends. not that her and Ben were like that. At least not yet. 

Rey chewed her lip, lost in thought. 

She didn’t want to share him with Rose. Or anyone really.  _ Maybe _ Old Ben Kenobi, in case he had some words of wisdom for her, but she definitely didn’t want to share the intimate details of her interactions with Kylo. 

No, not Kylo.  _ Ben _ . Rey smiled, recalling her conversation from the evening before. He was her Star-man. How did  _ that  _ happen? She was never so lucky. Rey sat up in bed and ran her fingers through her hair, thinking more clearly about this than she had since reading his romantic texts upon waking. 

Kylo was her Star-man, and his name was Ben. Ben Solo. He was a successful professor of astronomy at a prestigious university. He was freakin’ brilliant and interested in  _ her.  _ He said she had awakened his dream.  _ Her.  _ A nobody. She inspired him. Could the love-at-first-sight, fate, soul-mate thing be real? Could those sappy Disney films be onto something? This was the stuff of fairytales and romance novels.

Maybe Rey was fooling herself, but gosh darn it, if there was anything worth taking a chance on, it was true love! Star-crossing, earth-shaking, mountain-moving love. A love impossible, unless some other Providence was at work. She wasn’t necessarily ready to proclaim that she  _ was _ in love yet, but she was determined to find out what this could be it.

Whatever it was that was developing between the two of them was special, there was no doubt about that, and it should be treated as such. Not gossiped about flippantly with a new acquaintance. Not used as a launching point for a fresh connection. 

Nevertheless, she yearned for Rose’s companionship. There  _ had _ to be a way to navigate this minefield.

Rey’s nervous energy would get her into trouble if she wasn’t careful. She popped out of bed with more exuberance than was normal, and quickly dressed. Plopping down in front of her laptop, she began researching Etsy stores. She would leave the Rose-Ben conflict to think on later that night when her body was spent and her mind could hopefully be better positioned to think. Things were too muddled now. She would just frustrate herself and start herself down the wrong path. 

**…………**

Ben’s mind was occupied by chewing off his nails down into the bed of his fingers. A gross habit and one in which he did not often indulge. However, he was driving his truck down a small, two-lane road, on the way to have dinner with Luke.

To work things out.

In a few short minutes, he would be having an awkward, vulnerable conversation, on which the future harmony of the family rested. This was probably the most adult thing he had ever done. For once he was facing his problems head-on instead of fighting for control. He switched hands and got to work on the next innocent victim located at the tip of his phalanges.

Stepping out of his truck and into the familiar driveway of his childhood home, Ben took a few minutes to breathe. He leaned back against the door and looked up at the sky for comfort. 

_ “Hey, kid, It’s gonna be fine. I’ll be back soon.” Han was consoling a distraught seven-year boy with frizzy hair and gangly limbs.  _

_ “But, Dad, you just got back and you’re already leaving again.” Ben looked down and kicked small loosed gravel bits which lay at his feet on the cement driveway.  _

_ Han lightly grasped his chin and tilted his head up to look at him. “Listen, if you feel like you miss me, just look up at those stars you love so much. We have the same sky, no matter where we are right?” _

_ “Well, actually, depending on your latitude, there are different constellations you might see if you’re in the northern hemisphere than if you’re in the southern and also the stars will have a different arcsecond than-” _

_ “Already, smartypants. I’m not going to South America, now am I?” _

_ Ben just blinked at him. “No.”  _

_ “I’m heading over to California to deliver all the donations collected for the Earthquake victims, okay. So we’ll generally see the same sky, right?” Han looked up at the sky, searching it, before lifting his arm and pointing to a bright red star. “What about that Star?” _

_ “That’s Antares.”  _

_ “Antares,” Han repeated, the effort to commit the name to memory was evident on his face. “Can I see it from California?” _

_ “Yeah,” Ben nodded excitedly at his father. He loved it when people indulged his nerdy interests. _

_ “So if you miss me, come outside and look at Antares. I’ll probably be outside missing you too. And we’ll both be looking at the same sky, alright?” _

_ Ben hugged his father goodbye. He felt the scrape of his leather jacket against his face and breathed in the smell of his father. “Bye, Dad.” _

_ “I love ya, kid.” _

_ Ben chuckled at him. “I know.” _

Ben looked towards the south, locating the Scorpio constellation to find Antares. 

“I miss you, Dad.”

He imagined his dad replying in his gruff voice.  _ I know. _

“Beautiful night out, isn’t it?” Ben snapped his head to the side to see Luke standing on the porch. 

“How long have you been watching me like a creeper?”

Luke’s chest shook slightly in a silent chuckle. “Longer than you would want to know.” 

“Creepy old man.” Ben thought he would crack the ice with the family’s oldest tradition and sign of affection: snark. He reached back into his truck to pull out a two-liter bottle. It was the Winn-Dixie store brand  _ Chek _ rootbeer. 

“Come on in.” He waved him towards the door. As Ben approached his uncle, he mumbled conspiratorially, “Your mother created another disaster in the kitchen we all have to pretend to enjoy.”

The side of Ben’s mouth twitched upwards. Luke was trying. It almost felt like old times.

As Ben reached the top of the porch steps, Luke leaned in. “Hey, let’s just eat enough to get by, and then we’ll go for a flight and stop at Maz’s for real dinner. We  _ do _ need to do the lame adult-conversing thing.”

Ben looked up at the shiplap roofing of the porch. “Do we have to?”

Luke gave him a look that was partially a rebuke and partially a tease. “Yeeeees….” Luke drew out the word in fake exasperation. “You may not have anything to say to me, which is fine.” The last phrase was spoken in a rush and with hands gestured in surrender. “But I have some things I need to say, even if it’s for my own sake.”

Ben nodded, then headed into the house, shoving the hot  _ Chek  _ rootbeer into Luke’s arms as he passed. 

“Oh, thanks!” The cheerfulness in his voice faded as he examined what exactly Ben had gifted him. “Son of a-”

Leia swung open the front door at that moment and embraced Ben. 

“I brought the drinks for tonight, mom. Just like I said I would.” 

“Oh, good.” Leia gave him a devious smile. “I didn’t make any tea so it’s a good thing you remembered.” 

Ben turned from his mother’s embrace and faced Luke again. “You good with that, Uncle Luke?” He pasted on his best smile.

Luke’s cheek twitched. 

…….

  
  


Rey was deep in the throes of the internet, attempting to set up an Etsy shop when her phone rang, shocking her out of her concentration. Rose’s name displayed on the caller ID. Rey furrowed her eyes, questioning the reason behind this call. She and Rose had texted earlier today. Rey gave up her futile psychic efforts and decided to answer the call like a grown woman and find out for herself.

“Rey!” Rose's voice was exuberant. “So… Paige and I are here. We have our shirts for you to style and the sewing machine. We decided we would just crash your place and hang out with you while delivering all this since we’re bored and want to hang out. But then when we got to campus we realized that we were a bunch of idiots because we had all these fun plans of dropping in and surprising you- just showing up at your door. But we don't know what door is yours.” Rose finally took a much-needed breath after her long, run-on sentence. Sentences? Run-on paragraph. “Actually we don't know which building is yours either.” She added as an after thought.

Rey laughed at Rose’s failed plans. She would love some company. She turned to survey her room. It wasn’t the cleanest, but it could be worse. It was small so she should be able to shove a bunch of her nonsense under the bed.

“I’m in the Osprey building, room 238.” Rey held the phone against her face with her shoulder while toting laundry across the room. She shuffled around her textbooks, piling her class notes on top of them, and set her novel on top of the papers to hold them in place. “I’ll see you in a minute then. I’m going to frantically clean up my room before you get here.” 

“Girl, I gotcha. You got about 5 minutes.” Rose laughed with her. 

Rey ruminated on how fortunate this whole visitor endeavor had worked in her favor. More notice of impending visitors would mean that she would have too much time to grow anxious about meeting Rose’s sister and overthink all of her future interactions. The prospect of the two women appearing at her door would have left her with an embarrassing mess. This option only gave her enough time to straighten up quickly, but not enough time to stress about first and second impressions. 

A friendly knock to the rhythm of ‘a shave and a haircut, two bits’ sounded from the other side of Rey’s door signaling the arrival of her guests. Rey bounced to the door in nervous excitement and swung it open. 

Rose immediately lunged forward and wrapped Rey in a playful hug. “Hey, girl! Good to see you.” She looked past Rey into the room. “Your place is so cute!” She turned back to a slightly older woman, whom Rey knew had to be Paige. Pointing to the tall, slender girl, Rose made introductions. “This is my sis, Paige. Paige, This is Rey.” Rey reached out her hand to shake hands. People still did that, right? Being self-conscious while also craving to be around people was hard. 

“Hey! Is that an Etsy shop you’re setting up?” Rey was thankful for Rose’s question. It was like being thrown a lifeline while drowning. 

“Yes!” I thought I’d give your suggestion a try. I really enjoy making the shirts and if I can make some extra funds doing so, double win, right?” 

“What are you in school for, Rey?” Paige asked with a soft friendly smile.

“I am getting my Master’s in engineering. Although I have no idea what I actually want to do after graduation. I feel like so many of my classmates know what they want to do, have a vision for their lives, passion for their future work.” Rey attempted a lighthearted laugh, but it fell flat. “I’m just here.” Rose and Paige’s faces were both serious.

“Hmmm…” Rose hummed at her. “What made you choose engineering? Maybe if you think about what made you fall in love with it, it’ll help guide you to your purpose or whatever?” 

A good suggestion, thought Rey, if she had ever been in love with anything to do with engineering. She tried to school her face so the others wouldn’t detect her inner conflict. Unfortunately and evidently, she did a terrible job.

“You never loved it, did you?” Paige surmised correctly.

Rey sighed in embarrassment and defeat. She just met this lady. She didn’t want to dump all of her inner problems on her. That probably wouldn’t get her very far in the whole ‘making new friends’ department. 

“It’s cool. I was the head of our robotics team and won a bunch of awards when I was in high school. I was offered the scholarship- a great scholarship actually- and so I’m here now.”

Paige studied her face. Rey had a feeling she wasn’t getting out of this one. If Paige wanted to know, then Rey felt she got what was coming to her.

“It’s not that I don’t like it. I just don’t feel like I  _ have _ to do it. Like…” Rey trailed off trying to transcribe her feelings into words.

“You don’t feel fulfilled in it?” Rose guessed.

Rey nodded at her. “Yeah, I think you’re right. I didn’t know the words. I’m good at it, but if I never did it again, it wouldn’t bother me.”

“Sounds like you haven’t found your purpose or calling yet then.” Paige seemed understanding and sympathetic. It was nice to have such niceties from a stranger. 

“I guess not,” Rey conceded.

“Well...” Paige began then looked pensive before continuing, “If you enjoy the clothing thing, do it while you’re in school. You’re already committed to school and-”

Rey cut her off here. She didn’t mean to. It just happened because she had strong feelings and was eager to express them to someone who understood. “I basically began the master’s program because I didn’t have a job and nowhere to live. And- and no way to afford to find a place to live.”

Paige nodded in understanding. “That’s understandable. So keep doing school and do this on the side. Let it grow on its own. If something awesome arises organically from it, then explore that possibility. If not, you have this engineering thing to fall back on until you discover what you’re supposed to be doing.”

Rey sighed in relief. Paige seemed to have good advice and an understanding and open perspective. Rey beamed a smile at her. “Thanks, Paige. That’s a good approach to take.”

“Oh!” Rose clapped her hands together in excitement. “Finn was just saying that his neighbor was looking for a new tenant. Someone he knew he could trust because it’s an informal lease and a small garage apartment. I’ll see what Finn says. If it’s something you can afford now while working at the coffee shop, then that might be one step towards getting your feet under you.”

“Yeah!” Paige turned to Roes, “That’s the place that was like, $250 a month, right?”

“Woah!” Rey’s mouth was agape. “Two hundred fifty!? That’s nothing. I could afford that right now, easily!” 

“I’ll text Finn right now.” Rose was pulling out her phone and typing.

“While she’s doing that, show me your shop on Etsy.” Paige led Rey to her computer. 

“I really have no idea what to call it.” Rey comisserated. 

“Well, you can always change it if you find something that speaks to you. So, don’t get too hung up on something like that. You don’t want to not open it because of something that you can update later.”

Rey wrinkled her forehead. “Niiama’s Outpost? What about that? It’s my last name. I’m upcycling things, creating things from scrap.”

Paige nodded at her. Rey’s confidence increased as she typed in the name of the shop, just from a little friendly affirmation. She grinned to herself, shocked at how things in her life were changing. 

“Hey, Rey!” Rose grabbed her shoulders. “You want some help moving? Because if you want it, it’s yours! Finn said that his neighbor wanted him to help find someone reliable. We’ll go with you to meet the landlord. He’s pretty great. His name is really weird. Rose held her stomach while laughing. It’s Quintin Gonzales Jinn or some nonsense and he just goes by ‘Qui Gon.’ 

Rey laughed along at the interesting name, but she was internally screaming on the inside, excited that some other crazy opportunity was opening up to her and also terrified of what it may mean. 

……….

Ben had been scrubbing his hands under the hot water of the bathroom sink for so long now that they burned. 

Dinner hadn’t been as painful as Ben had predicted. Granted, he had mentally prepared himself for the whole world to burn down. Being a pessimist certainly did have its advantages from time to time: if you expect the worst possible outcome in any given scenario, then you’re not blindsided. And in rare situations such as tonight, you’re pleasantly surprised that things are better than you anticipated. 

He grabbed the towel to dry his hands.

Impending doom still loomed over Ben. He had committed to going on an airplane ride with Luke and to talk.  _ Goodie _ . He had to try not to be a sarcastic jerk. Ben wiped his palm across his face. He knew he shouldn’t loiter in the bathroom, but he was trying to steel himself for what was to come. 

He turned the tap back on and splashed some water on his face and concluded there was not enough espresso in the world to be on guard and ready for this conversation. He wiped his face on the soft hand towel. His mother always had the softest towels. She added so much fabric softener that it hardly absorbed the water. But it was soft. 

He turned and stared at the back of the closed door. After a deep breath and subsequent sigh, he opened the door and headed back to the living area. 

“Well, Leia, I’m heading out for the night. Dinner was great.” Luke turned his face towards Ben with a conspiratorial gleam in his eye. 

“Yeah, mom. It’s great to have your cooking again. Like old times, ya know.” He nodded and looked in her general direction while avoiding eye contact. If she looked him in the eye, she would know he was lying.

“Thanks for coming. I enjoyed our time together.” Leia beamed. “See you guys next week, same time?” 

Both Luke and Ben nodded and mumbled their affirmations.

“Great!” 

Just as the door was about to close she shouted to them, “The special at Maz’s tonight is Meatloaf. Tell her I said ‘hi!’”

Ben and Luke met each other’s gaze with equal panic in their eyes. 

“Busted,” Luke muttered to Ben under his breath. Ben nodded.

“I’m not dumb, ya know?” Leia called after them again. “Next week we’ll meet here, then all fly to Maz’s together, alright?”

“We should invite Peter,” Luke suggested. Leia’s smile turned even grander. 

“Great idea!” Leia hugged Ben goodbye, her slight frame engulfed by his larger one. He hung onto her for a moment longer than necessary. He had learned the hard way to savour it. 

As Luke and Ben walked down the porch steps together, Luke explained, “I’ll meet you at the airport.”

Ben gulped. 

“Hey,” Luke put a hesitant but gentle hand on Ben’s shoulder. “I can see the panic and internal screaming going on. It’s okay.” 

Ben nodded, wishing he felt reassured. 

An hour later they were airborne. Side by side in the familiar aircraft. Only Ben was the pilot this time instead of Han. Luke sat in Peter’s usual spot. But they were side by side like always before, just not in the second row. Being side-by-side while above the clouds was familiar to them. Ben wished the familiarity of the setting would lessen the intensity of the awkwardness. 

It didn’t. “So…” He refused to look anywhere other than straight ahead. “Who talks first? You talk first? Or…”

Luke chuckled at him. “I’ll go first and then you don’t have to say anything in response.”

Ben nodded and felt slightly more at ease, knowing Luke would allow him the option of no response. 

“In fact, I refuse to let you say anything in response tonight. Think about it all and you can answer me later.”

Ben released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

“That relieved, huh?” Luke chuckled at him.

“Uncle Luke” Ben sighed in exasperation.

Luke laughed harder. “You know, I’ve always considered it an accomplishment when I draw such a reaction out of you.”

Ben rolled his eyes playfully. This was surprisingly easy. The familiar banter. The camaraderie. Ben sighed softly this time, reveling in the familiarity of long lost times and the hope of its return. He needed the familiar right now while he was readjusting to what would become a new normal without his dad. Ben realized how much he missed his uncle and how desperately he needed his family. 

“Uncle Luke-”

“We’re both grown men, Ben. Call me Luke.”

The side of Ben’s face quirked up in smirk before breaking out in a grin. From the depth of his soul emotion sprang and began to swell his eyes. It was unexpected. Ben tried to swallow down the thickness of a lump in his throat. He was a grown man. He needed to get control of himself. 

Ben felt a light pressure on his shoulder, which began to radiate warmth. He looked to the side and saw Luke’s hand resting there in comfort. 

“Ben, it’s okay to cry. It’s not a weakness. It’s not emasculating. It’s okay. It’s safe up here to let it out. It takes great strength to face your grief instead of hiding behind distractions.”

Seeing Luke assume the controls of the plane from the co-pilot’s seat, Ben closed his eyes and allowed the tears to flow. He focused on taking slow deep breaths. He hadn’t cried, hadn’t thought much about his dad since he last broke down in the bed of his truck. The distance from the ground and the promise of restored companionship with his beloved uncle, Ben let down his guard. 

This would be a safe place to begin letting some of the pressure off of the pressure cooker that his soul had been boiling inside of. He reasoned that if he let off the pressure slowly, then when he opened his heart again- hopefully to Rey- it wouldn’t explode. The last family crisis had not been handled well by him and he did not want her to be caught in the carnage of another one of his missteps. He would do better this time. Rey deserved better- no, actually-  _ he  _ deserved better.  _ I deserve better than boiling alive in my own thoughts and emotions. _

He breathed in and felt the pain, exhaled out slowly, through the pain. 

In. 

He allowed himself to feel the pain. Surrendered to it slightly. Explored it even.

Out. 

Laying down every defense, he allowed the pain to take hold of him completely.

In. 

Pain can bring about good.

Out. 

Destruction can give way to new life.

In. 

Death is part of life; it gives life meaning.

Out. 

Han’s story had ended, but that meant it could now be reread and enjoyed over and over again.

In. 

Not forgotten. If he didn’t face the pain, if he avoided it, and drowned it out with distractions, then he would not only be forgetting his loss but also forget what he had lost. If he avoided the pain, he would only do so at the expense of his father's memory. Then Han’s story would be forgotten. Han would be forgotten. 

No. 

His story would be reread and remembered and honored. 

Out.

He wanted others to know and remember Han. He wanted to be able to tell Rey about him. His future family. 

In.

He wanted a family. 

Out.

He wanted a future. He wanted a future, even if it didn’t involve space travel. He wanted new dreams, new goals.

In. 

Dad would want him to find something to live for and dream about. He had always wanted that for him. When Ben first set his heart on becoming an astronaut, Han didn’t understand it or take a personal interest in it, but he had encouraged and supported Ben’s dream each step of the way, even when it often meant Ben bonding to Luke more strongly than himself. Han had sometimes felt replaced but would never voice it out of fear that doing so may hinder Ben’s pursuit of his goal. 

Out.

When Ben had forever lost the chance of becoming an astronaut, Han didn’t have much to say, but he was  _ there. _ He had encouraged him to find something else to reach for. Find a new purpose. A new love. 

In.

Ben realized with perfect clarity for the first time that he wasn’t just grieving his father’s death, but the death of his life’s purpose and dreams. 

While breathing out this last breath, Ben came to and opened his eyes. He realized then that Luke had been making comforting coos and shushes, helping him relax as he faced the most painful thing he had ever faced before. His face was wet from tears. Using his sleeves, he wiped them dry.

“Thanks, Uncle Luke.” He muttered.

“Kid, I’m sorry. I know I was wrong. I messed everything up. I was so caught up with training the astronauts for the next big mission. There was an opportunity that would open for me that I wanted a shot at if the mission was a success. I misaligned my priorities. I let a promotion come before family. 

“We all have our dreams, goals, life ambitions. But none of it will be attainable if we lack the support we need. Family- whether blood or not- we  _ have _ to have it. We must make sure we have the support to stand on- a firm foundation- before we try to reach for something. By putting this job opportunity ahead of my support system, I failed you all and I failed myself. I didn’t have the support I needed because I had neglected to nurture the support. I got the promotion but couldn’t keep up with the demands of the job. 

“I retired early because I was about to be fired.”

Ben’s eyes went wide. He had no idea Luke wasn’t employed by NASA anymore. “What?” 

“I am fully retired, Ben.” 

Ben stared numbly out the front of the airplane. They were nearing Maz’s restaurant. He wasn’t ready to put the plane down. They weren’t done yet. 

He passed Maz’s and continued on. 

“I… I had no idea.” Ben finally managed to croak out. His uncle had played such a key role in so many successful missions. He spearheaded so many efforts. It was a shocking blow for such a talented and brilliant man to now be retired because he couldn’t keep up. The blow was made more painful knowing that it all could have been avoided. If all of them had turned to one another during a crisis, so much pain would have been avoided. If they hadn’t been so prideful. So bull-headed. 

Why did they all think it would be wrong or weak to seek support? Now on the other side of it, it all seemed so stupid. What a lie! Stronger together. Why would that be looked at as a negative thing? A strong individual is somehow better than someone who is strong because of others? It’s ludicrous and yet for some reason he had believed it. What good would achieving your dreams do if you had no one to share the joy with? Why not all of us weep together that we could then rejoice together?

Ben was done. 

He turned the plane around. Touching down on the landing strip and rolling up to the parking area. He shut the plane off and unbuckled his seat belt. He climbed out. 

Luke climbed out after him. Before his feet were solidly on the ground, Ben grabbed him, wrapping his arms around him as tightly as his arms could squeeze. He was probably choking Luke at best and cracking ribs at worse. He didn’t care. The old man would just have to deal with it.

Luke wrapped his arms back around Ben. He squeezed tightly as well, but not as tightly as Ben. Ben just held him. 

“Uhh… Ben..” Luke sputtered out with great effort, patting him on his back.

Ben ignored him for a moment. Then grinned mischievously. His uncle felt awkward, huh? He squeezed harder.

“Ben! I can’t breathe!” Luke’s voice was breathy.

Ben’s chest began to convulse with silent laughter. “Sounds terrible.”

Luke began to pound on his back then. “Let me go, you overgrown oaf!” 

Ben began to sway back and forth with Luke still in his arms. Then he began humming, his face splitting so wide in a grin that his cheeks began to ache.

Luke let his arms fall to his side in surrender. “Quit making it weird, Ben!”

Ben finally released him then turned around. “I love my mom, but I need some real food.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Luke fell in step next to Ben as they headed across the street to the Airport Diner. 

**Rey: So I am probably moving soon! Found a garage apartment for super cheap. So excited! It will make stargazing easier since I won’t have to have my telescope out on the lawn in front of everyone.**

**Ben: That’s fantastic! At dinner with my uncle now. If you’re still up on my way home, I can call you.**

**Rey: :-)**

  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most people have extra time to write during the quarantine. As a homeschool mom, I have less time. Because my kids are losing their minds from being cooped up. We have our regular work to do, but they have no motivation to do so because all their clubs, activities, etc. are canceled. 
> 
> Nevertheless, your patience has now been rewarded. Ben and Rey are back together finally!

Ben read through his notes, preparing for his lecture, when the pilot informed them over the loudspeaker that they were preparing to land. Ben closed his iPad and rested his head back against the seat with his eyes closed.

It had been a month since he had revealed himself to Rey over video chat. Many changes had occurred for both of them since that time. He had reconciled with Luke. Rey had moved into a garage apartment. She had confided in Ben about her increasing disinterest in her field of study while beginning a new endeavor to start a side business with upcycled clothing. Ben shared with her his renewed interest in astronomy and his desire to contribute something more significant to the field than simply teaching at a college. 

They had spent several nights up late on the phone, sharing their dreams and ambitions, leaning on each other for support as they both embarked on new journeys of personal discovery and growth. Adjustments were being made in both of their lives. Both were growing as individuals, and they were seemingly growing together. 

Ben smiled at the capricious turn of events his life had taken since that fateful night he met Rey and his father fell ill. Previously, his life had been a scummy pot brimming with sorrow and despair, stagnation and listlessness. He felt different now. Cleansed and renewed. Not having any religious background, he wondered if this is what it felt like to be ‘saved.” Hope and excitement and all the promise of a bright future lay before him now.

Ben was jostled slightly in his seat as the plane touched down and the weather conditions and warm welcomes to sunny Florida were offered. Ben had three hours to travel from Jacksonville’s international airport and be ready to speak at one of the many events hosted by the University of Florida Astronomy department throughout the year. This month they were hosting an event for the International Observe the Moon Night, just like Rey. Ben had readily accepted the invitation to speak, knowing that he could use this as an opportunity to visit Rey. He worked out an agreement with the college, allowing him to leave immediately after his lecture. That meant he could arrive at Rey’s event shortly before it ended. 

The plan was to surprise her. He had booked a hotel in Jacksonville for the night, not expecting an invitation to stay with her. Over the past few weeks, they had grown closer to each other but had not explored or expressed any specific romantic intentions or commitments. Charged looks had been shared and flirtatious banter exchanged, but that was the full extent of it all. Ben chewed his thumbnail while the plane taxied to the concourse, hoping that having some time together this weekend could help move things along in  _ that _ direction. He certainly hoped it wouldn’t ruin what they had already built. It was ideal that his schedule allowed him to show up at the end of Rey’s event. It would not work to his advantage to arrive too early and be a distraction. He wanted this surprise visit to be a pleasant one. She was already panicking over the success of the evening. As the event began in a few short hours, he imagined her pacing and fretting. He unlocked his phone.

**Ben: Thinking about you. You’re gonna do awesome at the event tonight. Try not to stress too much, okay?**

**Rey: You’re so thoughtful. Thanks for the vote of confidence. I still want to puke though.**

Ben understood the nervous feelings prior to such an event. It was precisely why he chose to be a speaker at these things instead of being the one organizing everything. He had hosted several until he had just faced the fact that he hated everything about it. Now he was happy to show up, speak, and leave.

**Ben: Don’t puke. It won’t help any. Trust me, I know.**

**Rey: Ya know, telling someone to not be nervous about something doesn’t magically make them not nervous, right?**

Ben smirked at her snarky answer. So she  _ was _ looking for a distraction. He could help her with this. Their verbal sparring had helped each of them navigate through rough times. Sometimes making light of a serious situation helped calm the nerves. He would be happy to oblige. 

**Ben: You’re probably right. It just seemed like the thing to say.**

**Ben: If you do decide to ignore my advice, make sure you don’t get puke in your hair.**

**Ben: Was that better?**

**Rey: You think you’re funny, don’t you?**

Ben smiled, wondering at how something that was once so foreign a feeling was now so commonplace since Rey had entered his life.

**Ben: Sometimes.**

**Rey: *eye roll***

**Ben: You laughed. Admit it.**

**Rey: More like I huffed air out of my nose and little harder than what is normal while breathing. I think one side of my face may have lifted too. Hard to tell exactly.**

**Rey: I do feel better. Thanks for the distraction. Gotta run. Meeting the NEFAS group in an hour to start setting up.**

**Ben: Go get ‘em, Tiger!**

**Rey: Such a weirdo.**

**Ben: You love it.**

**Rey: *crickets***

Ben clicked his phone off, disembarked from the plane, rented a car, and headed toward Gainesville.

………

Rey rushed around with a clipboard in one hand and her phone in the other as her event slowly wound down. She had a lightweight messenger bag slung across her chest full of schedules, plans, and copies of instructions. The telescopes were all set up. According to Old Ben, that’s all they would do usually.

She had set up a registration table with a map of the various activities and a handout on which the children could get a stamp for each activity. The children who had collected all the stamps were awarded a special prize if they showed the registration booth their paper on the way out. The prize was just a bag filled with several of the informational goodies Ben had mailed her, but the children and parents had been ecstatic all the same. 

She had included the salt dough craft Ben had suggested among her activities. The kids had also sketched a picture of what they saw of the moon in the telescope. There had been games to help them learn the various landmarks on the moon and a snack of Oreos to discuss the different phases of the moon. 

The event had lasted four hours. She had the various members of NEFAS rotate to different stations and take breaks so no one would burn out at one activity. Her job had been to float around and resolve any issues and to coordinate station changes and breaks. Rey had enjoyed the challenge of multitasking and managing the event. A sense of pride and accomplishment swelled in her. The night had been a huge success. There were only thirty minutes left before they packed up. 

“Rey!” Old Ben’s endearing voice called to her. Old Ben had been manning his telescope, allowing children to view the moon for longer periods of time and sketch what they saw in the eyepiece. For this reason, he was stationed in a very dark area of the parking lot, only a small red light illuminated a drawing pad. Red light was permitted because its wavelengths are small enough not to dilate the eyes, preserving night vision. This allowed the students to more easily toggle their vision between a filtered view of the half-moon in the eyepiece and their sketchpad. 

Turning to look at where he was sitting, she saw another. Rey felt like she should recognize the figure, but he was obscured by the darkness. Despite the distinct slope of the shoulders and the silhouette of slightly tousled long hair, the identity of the stranger eluded her.

As Rey neared, the unidentified man turned to her and she immediately recognized the face of Ben. Although she had become familiar with his face over the last several weeks through their video chat sessions, she was struck by how handsome his features appeared in person. 

“Ben!” She reached up with the intent to wrap her arms around his neck, but his height made such a feat impossible. She stretched up onto her toes and ended up awkwardly holding onto each of his shoulders. 

He chuckled at her futile efforts.

“Ben!” Rey said his name with a scold in her tone and his chuckle morphed into a dopey sounding laugh. She playfully slapped him on one of the shoulders she had previously held, stepped away, and turned as though to walk off. 

“I’m just kidding with you, Rey.” He caught up to her in one step and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back to him. Rey’s breath caught at the shock of suddenly being in his arms, caged between his warm hands splayed across her abdomen and his muscular chest. She let her head fall back into his chest, her own laugher joining his.

“It’s  _ so _ good to see you,” Ben mumbled into her hair, nuzzling her hair with his nose. 

She turned in his arms to look into his face. “I had no idea you were coming. I’m totally surprised.”

“I was asked to speak at UF’s Observe the Moon event today. I left as soon as my speech was over so I could make it here.” He smiled down at her, then lifted his gaze to survey the grounds of the event. 

“It looks great! You guys have a fantastic turnout. Especially since it’s only 30 minutes from being over.”

“Yeah! I had no idea how many to plan for so I actually had to close down the crafts and snacks when we ran out about an hour ago.” Rey was beaming with excitement and pride. “Your craft idea with the salt dough was a huge hit, by the way.”

Ben smiled back down at her. “I’m glad.” His voice was low and breathy. Rey prayed her knees wouldn’t buckle. His arms were still around her waist. They fit together like two jigsaw puzzle pieces. Like they were meant to be. The idea both thrilled and terrified her. It felt so right to be with him, but it was so illogical. They barely knew each other. She should guard herself and use wisdom and caution. She should put some distance between them, but she didn’t want to move away. Couldn’t bring herself to. It felt too right. 

“Hey, you two.” Old Ben called back to them. Rey and Ben turned to him. “Why don’t y’all go ahead and head out. Go get dinner somewhere and catch up.” The old man’s mouth lifted on one side and his eyes twinkled as though he knew some great secret.

“We still have thirty minutes left until we close down and then we have to clean up.” Rey protested. 

“All the hard work is done. We’ve already closed down the special events and all the final shifts are in place so there’s nothing more to coordinate. You’ve put more work into this event- prepping and planning it- than anyone has ever put into our events before. You go on.” Old Ben waved his hands at them in dismissal. “Besides, I doubt this idiot is going to let you get anything done now that he’s showed up.” He pointed his thumb out at Ben.

Rey’s mouth fell open slightly, having never heard Old Ben speak negatively about anyone before. She relaxed a bit when her Ben started laughing. At last, he released her, turned, and hugged her mentor, each doing the weird man-slap-on-the-back thing. 

When they pulled away, Old Ben offered some explanation. “We go way back, Ben and me. I actually mentored his uncle when his uncle was a young man in college. I’ve known this Ben since he was a little guy, accompanying his uncle to astronomical events such as this one.” Old Ben’s hand was resting gently and affectionately on her Ben’s shoulder. Her Ben was taller than her mentor and so the old man had to reach his arm upwards to rest it there. There was endearment and wonder in the older man’s eyes as he beheld all the hope and greatness of what the future generations would become. 

Her Ben reached his arm back towards the elderly man and rested his arm back on his shoulder. “In fact, I’m named after him, Rey.” 

“Are you serious?” Rey was taken aback by the connection.

Ben gave her an incredulous look. “Yes, Rey. My parents named me after my uncle’s astronomy professor.” 

Rey slapped his shoulder again. “Jerk.”

Ben rubbed his struck shoulder.

“Wait a minute.” Rey’s glare bounced between the two men before settling on the elder. “Did you know it was Ben when he mailed us all the packages and I said his name was Kylo online?” 

“I… Well, I figured he had a good reason for continuing to use his online alias with you.” 

Both men turned contrite under Rey’s rebuking glare. 

“Hey,” the younger of two conspirators began while shrugging his shoulders, “Look, it all worked out in the end, right?” 

“That has yet to be determined.” Rey retorted.

Rey watched Ben and Ben, the two men in her life right now that meant the most to her. She was closer to these two fools than any other men. They knew her more than anyone. A smile crept on her as she tried to maintain her cross disposition, but despite her best efforts, she could not conceal her doting thoughts. Both men broke into wide smiles knowing they had won her over. 

Ben stepped towards her once again, an intentional gleam in his eye. “Tell you what, let us make it up to you. Old Kenobi here” -Ben gestured to the man- “He’ll cover for you to leave. I’ll take you out somewhere nice and relaxing for dinner.”

Ben was now in her personal space. Rey willed her body under control. He was so close and her senses were hyper-aware of everything about him. Every cell of her body seemed to come alive when he was near. She was staring at his chest. Her gaze tracked up his neck as she gazed upward to meet his eyes. She stopped briefly at his Adam's apple and willed herself to keep breathing. When her eyes landed on his lips, her own parted and were wet unconsciously by her tongue. 

She never made her way to his eyes. The palm of his hand found its home on the small of her back, tugging her towards his car. He leaned down and spoke in a low tone, his mouth leaving a hot trail of breath across her ear when he spoke and his scent enveloped her. “Let’s take my car. We can come back tomorrow for yours. It’s a state park so they don’t allow additional entries after dark. It should be safe.” 

She was putty in his hands, barely processing his words. She followed him like a lost puppy to the passenger side of his rental car. He opened the door for her. As the door was swinging to a close she came to, catching the door with her hand. 

“Wait!” Ben pulled on the door and looked at her inquisitively. “I don’t have my stuff- my purse or keys or anything.” Ben huffed and his shoulders hunched. He looked towards the sky like he was internally screaming. 

Rey hopped out of the car and dashed to her own car. She unlocked it and retrieved her purse. She pushed the textbooks aside and grabbed for the cardigan. She froze with indecision as her fingers felt the familiar texture of the woven fabric. She never went anywhere without it anymore. But it was his. What would he think?

“You okay, Rey?” His deep voice reminded her that she couldn’t remain in her car on all fours with her butt in the air, trying to decide whether or not she should bring a jacket she already had in her hands. 

Shaking her head at herself, Rey decided she didn’t like this. She climbed backward out of the front seat and faced him. “Actually, I really don’t want to leave my car here. I can meet you at the restaurant.” She hoped she sounded more resolute but the end came out sounding more like a question. 

Ben’s face fell slightly but he nodded, respecting her wishes. Rey studied his face for a moment. Rey suspected he was trying to be chivalrous, she just wasn’t used to such attention. She didn’t want to discourage his attention. On the contrary, she much wanted to encourage it. There must be a middle ground between forfeiting all of her control and sense of self while also embracing and enjoying his expression of affection.

“You can just follow me home...” Rey paused and hoped she didn’t seem too forward. She didn’t want him to read the wrong thing into this. She needed to recover quickly. “I mean, there’s a  _ great _ pizza place less than a block from my home.” 

Ben nodded. “What’s the address in case I lose you in traffic?” 

“I’ll text it to you.”

………

Ben followed behind Rey’s car in his rental car. He had originally intended to take her somewhere nice for dinner, surprise her with a date night, but they were on the way to some pizza place instead.

Ben recalled how he had watched her flit around the parking lot tonight facilitating the event before she spotted him. She was beautiful, with her hair windblown and coming out of her top knot bun. Her eyes glittered and her smile exuberant. She truly was in her element coordinating, organizing, and motivating people to work together. He had always thought she was beautiful but seeing her again in person... He had just watched her for the longest time, wondering what in his life he had ever done right to deserve any of her attention or any chance at something more with her. 

Ben hardly dared to dream of what life with Rey could be like. He wondered endlessly how someone so pure, so bright could grace a creature such as himself with her attention at all. 

He was disappointed that dinner consisted of no more than a casual pizza parlor when he felt she deserved so much more. However, he knew he needed to respect her wishes and her pace. Besides, taking a more casual approach to their first in-person meal could be a wiser course of action. 

Ben didn’t have to fly out until midday the following day, so that left the morning to spend with her. Perhaps he could take her somewhere more impressive after breakfast or something. Jacksonville had several neat places couples could enjoy together. City parks on the river, the beaches. Ben chewed his thumbnail absentmindedly as he contemplated his options.

Then it hit him: Chamblin Bookmine. The used bookstore was a glory of the modern world. It would be remembered by generations for millennia as a wonder of the twenty-first century.  _ So _ many books. Shelf after shelf of used books, including out-of-print books. Boxes of books on the floor in front of the shelves. The owner had added annexes and additions over the years creating a literal maze of bookshelves. On several occasions, he had wandered deep enough to get lost and had to ask directions back to the front of the store. Every trip to Jacksonville had always included- and will always include- a trip to Chamblin.

He hoped it was yet undiscovered by Rey; he wanted to be the first to take her. He knew she would love the store. Conveniently, it was located in the same area as Metro Diner. A double win! Ben stopped chewing his nails as he felt grounded and in control once again now that he had a plan. 

Rey’s car turned into the driveway of a brick house. The driveway was nestled on the side of the house and stretched behind it to where a two-story garage stood. He pulled in the driveway behind Rey’s car. She had explained she lived in a garage apartment, but it wasn’t until after he saw the staircase on the side of the white garage that he realized what she had meant. She lived above the garage in an apartment.

He got out of the car and closed the door behind him. It was a warm night with a light breeze. Perfect weather. He smiled to himself as he walked up to her. 

……...

Rey closed the creaking door of her car and turned towards Ben. 

“So…” Looking proudly back toward her apartment. “Not much I guess, but I am absolutely in love with it.”

Ben stalked up to her and as he neared, she was struck again by his massive size. Would she ever not be surprised by his size? He towered over her. She should feel intimidated by him, scared of him. Something very different stirred in her instead. Something foreign but not unpleasant. 

His eyes danced between her own, seemingly deciding what to say. His mouth curled into a small smile. He looked up at her apartment. “I bet it’s fantastic. There is no place like home, no matter what form the home is in.” Looking back at her, he was obviously seeking to reassure her. “I would rather live in a humble dwelling and it feel cozy and homy, than a grandiose mansion that is cold and lifeless.” 

Rey felt her mouth split wide in a smile. She could just look into his eyes forever. Alas, she had to act normal and try not to let him know just how infatuated she was, lest she scare him off. She chewed the inside of her lip and the pain brought her to reality again. She looked down and gathered herself.

“I normally walk to pick up the pizza and then bring it home since the restaurant is usually really busy. But we can eat there if you’d rather.” Rey squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment. She didn’t know how to date. She didn’t want him to think her forward. She honestly had no idea how to navigate any of this. 

“Let’s walk there and eat in the restaurant. I have a bit of jetlag so I’d like to make it back to the hotel in the next hour or so to get some sleep.”

Disappointment and relief warred for dominance in the battlefield of Rey’s psyche. She wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, not knowing when they would meet again. She also didn’t want this to progress too quickly physically, either. She did not want to lead him on. She was interested in romance- yes, please! Especially with this man. But she wanted to take the physical stuff a bit slow. For several reasons. 

She decided it would be most socially appropriate to respond to him in some way, so she nodded. 

The October air was chilly and the slight breeze compounded the problem. She needed to grab a jacket. While Rey was reaching into the car to grab the jacket, it occurred to her that he would recognize that the jacket was indeed his. He had said she could keep it when he saw her wearing it the first night they spoke on video chat. She hoped he wouldn’t be creeped out if he found out she always had it with her.

She pulled the jacket out with her while she climbed backward out of the front seat. “Got it. Let’s go.” She said cheerfully, trying to act natural. 

If he thought her weird, or clingy, or needy, well… he would find out the truth of her nature eventually. Might as well just be herself and let him decide early on if he liked her brand of crazy or decided to move on to someone else. 

Ben immediately spotted his jacket in her arms and looked down, smiling to himself. Seeing that he was pleased she was using it, Rey let out a sigh of relief. Perhaps he wouldn’t be repulsed by her neediness. Maybe he would need her too. 

They walked side-by-side down the driveway and turned to head down the street towards the Pizza Parlor. A gust of wind assaulted them as they entered the open street. The cold cut through the woven fabric and Rey shivered. 

“You cold?”

Rey shot him a glance. She saw this as an opportunity to hopefully get past the awkward  _ omg, we’re talking in person _ tension. 

“No, I’m actually melting from the heat. I just wear this lovely jacket as a fashion statement.” She gave him a cheeky grin, he responded by rolling his eyes at her. “Come to think of it, what is this thing actually? It’s like a hoodie, but it closes like a jacket, and the buttons on the side make it seem like a cardigan.” She was a giggling mess. Clamping her mouth shut, Rey took a deep breath, trying to ride out the heat that had run up her neck and into her face. Would this ever get easier?

Ben broke into a smile. “I have no idea actually. I just like hoodies, but they aren’t usually considered acceptable attire for speaking events and such. This” -he ran the back of his hand down the ribbed fabric that covered her arm- “seemed to be the love child of a hoodie and a formal cardigan so I thought it might work.”

The previous embarrassment had either warmed Rey up or she had become so distracted by his touch that she uncurled her arms and let them fall by her side. Her hand brushed against his. 

She felt her cheeks warm once again from the unintended gesture. She quickly pulled her arm back, intimidated by the concept of physical intimacy- really, physical contact at all- between herself and a lover. 

Warmth enfolded her hand once again. She stole a glance at Ben’s face from the side of her eye to check the status of his face. He was holding back a grin. His hand tightened around hers as though caressing her own.

“Is this okay?” He mumbled. His voice was so low that she felt the vibrations more than heard the words. All Rey could manage was a tight nod. 

“Rey…” Ben stepped in front of her now. She looked up at him through her lashes. “Rey, I…”

He looked down towards their feet. Rey took a moment to study his face, his lips in particular. She mentally stepped out of herself and her own emotional challenges. She looked at him- really looked at him. It was like looking at herself in a mirror. She saw the same apprehension she felt mirrored in him: all the hope of the future in conflict with fear of change. She couldn’t leave him floundering like this. If they both felt this way, why not put them both out of their misery with the truth and a brave, first step. 

“Ben…” He looked up just enough to meet her eyes. He was still holding her hand and she reached forward with her other hand. Grasping both his hands with both of hers, she mustered every ounce of courage, dredging it from the tips of her toes and pulling it up to her mouth. “Don’t be afraid.” She squeezed both his hands and stepped further into him. She rested her head on his chest, hoping her actions would communicate what words couldn’t. She inhaled his scent again and felt tension melt off of her, her shoulders relaxing. She truly enjoyed being with him tonight, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t taken its toll on her. 

Rey shuddered when she felt his head drop down and rest against the crown of her own. She could feel the warmth of his breath in her hair. “I think we are feeling the same things.” She whispered into his chest. Hopefully, he heard her.

“Let’s get the pizza to go then, head back to your place, and try to talk about it.” She nodded into his chest and stepped away.

………….

Ben felt Rey pull away and smiled at her to affirm that they were going to be okay. He released one of her hands and continued to hold the other as they walked toward the pizza parlor. 

Pushing open the door, Ben was accosted by the noise and movement of the pizza joint. He suddenly swelled with pride at his excellent foresight to change his mind about the dine-in option. 

“What kind of pizza do you want?” Rey yelled up towards him to be heard over the roar of the room and the loud music. 

“I don’t care. Get whatever you like best. I’m good with just about anything.”

Rey flashed him a mischievous grin. Ben furrowed his forehead in curiosity. Now she resembled a Cheshire cat. “That’s awesome! Most people are so opinionated and particular about pizza.” 

Stepping up to the counter, Rey boisterously ordered the “Maui Wowie” pizza, extra-large, To-Go. 

“Maui- Wowie?” Ben looked on in panic. “That’s a pineapple pizza, isn’t it?” 

Rey grinned and nodded emphatically. “They make the  _ best!”  _ She yelled in the direction of his ear, trying to be heard of the noise. 

Ben rubbed his forehead with his hand in exasperation. “Oh, God… you’re one of  _ those  _ people.”

Rey looked at him aghast, but the slight twitch of her mouth betrayed her humor. “I knew you’d end up being a snob after all!” She said with glee. “Now, what kind of pizza do you want?”

“Vegetarian is fine.” 

Rey looked at him ruefully before turning back the man taking their order. “Make that an extra-large pizza, half Maui-Wowie, and half vegetarian.” The man looked on at Rey fondly as he altered the order in the system. 

“It’s okay, Ms. Rey. One day you’ll find someone who will eat pineapple pizza with you.” They laughed and Ben took notice.

When Rey turned to fish her payment out of her purse, the cashier let himself admire Rey openly. Ben immediately stepped forward with his card to pay. As the man accepted his card Ben stared him down and then wrapped his arm protectively around Rey’s shoulders. 

………..

Rey had been looking around the parlor, taking in its sounds, sights, and smells when she suddenly felt Ben’s arm wrap possessively around her shoulders. Looking up to him inquisitively, she met Ben’s smile. There had been a shift in his demeanor. It was subtle but evident. Rey looked around, trying to ascertain the cause for such a shift. Looking warily around she noticed the cashier already processing the payment. His face was red. Ben’s arm was still wrapped tightly around her shoulders. 

_ Oh. _

The cashier had tried to flirt with her numerous times before, Rey always dismissing his attentions, thinking he just had  _ that _ personality. She never thought he  _ actually _ intended to express interest. Judging by the redness of his face and the terseness of his actions spurred on by Ben’s jealous demeanor, he must have been interested after all.

Rey wasn’t interested. But the thought that she had recently attracted the attention of several men- the cashier, Poe,  _ Ben _ , Rey wondered what was different about her that so many were interested when before Rey rarely had any such attention.

She also had to overthink Ben’s response to the cashier’s attention. Because Rey had to overthink everything. Rey decided to table those thoughts until tonight. Instead of sleeping, she would overanalyze everything then. Rey mentally pulled out her planner and scribbled an appointment for tonight’s ruminations to begin immediately after Ben would leave her apartment. 

_ Would _ he leave her apartment tonight? Or would he try to stay over with her? Would she want that? If he wanted to but she didn’t, how would he respond? Rey bit down and gnawed at the inside of her lower lip, brooding.

_ Why  _ was she this way?  _ Why  _ did she have to overthink everything? 

Rey’s mind chased this thought-rabbit down the metaphorical trail until she arrived at this thought:

_ Perhaps I had never really lacked choices in my life. Perhaps I was so prone to overthinking every detail that I would become overwhelmed by choices. Fear of making the wrong decision would paralyze me from making any decision. Perhaps it had been easier for me to tell myself that there had been no choices to absolve myself of the oppressive fear of making the wrong decision and the guilt of making no decision. _

“Hey…” Ben leaned down to whisper to her. “Are you okay?”

Rey nodded. Apparently her contemplative face wasn’t benign. “I’m fine. Just overthinking everything. And then I’m overthinking the fact that I’m overthinking. And the cherry on top is that I was actually planning a time-  _ allocating time- _ to overthink later.” 

Rey was exasperated with herself. She closed her eyes imagining how ridiculous she looked and sounded, gesturing with her hands, her own frustration with herself while incriminating herself willing to her potential love-interest. She closed her eyes and released a deep sigh. 

Ben pulled her closer and mumbled in her ear. “It’s okay, Rey. We’re gonna talk everything out and you’re gonna feel better. He nuzzled the top of her head with his nose and mouth. Rey relaxed into him a bit. It felt like being wrapped up in a hot blanket, pulled straight out of a dryer.

“I guess I should have called this order in while on the drive here so we wouldn’t have to wait for it.” Rey wrung her hands, chiding herself. Ben’s massive hand encased her two, the heat from his hands warming her. 

“Shh…” He cooed into her hair where his face rested. “You worry too much. It’s not necessary. There’s no pressure. I just want to spend time with you.” Letting go of her hands, he gently tilted her chin slightly so she faced him. His large dark eyes studied her face. “You don’t like surprises, do you?” 

“I…” Rey didn’t know how to answer. She didn’t know how she felt about it.  _ Great! Something else to overthink!  _ “I guess I have a hard time when I feel like I don’t know what is expected of me. How I should react. I’m often scared of making the wrong decisions.” Rey felt exposed under his gaze. 

Ben gave her a small smile and there was fondness in his eyes. “You have worked really hard getting ready for this Moon Observation event. You deserve to relax. I truly have no expectations for this trip. I just want to be with you. Eating pizza, watching TV, reading together, anything... or everything… I just...” Ben pulled her closer to him with the arm he still had wrapped around her shoulders and wrapped his other arm around the small of her waist. “I just want you.” 

He was putting himself on the line here. He was risking rejection and exposure and everything, in an attempt to bring her reassurance and comfort. So Rey allowed herself to indulge. She leaned into him and let it all go. She let all worry and fear leave her and sunk into Ben, letting him carry her burdens.

“Just you.” His low voice rumbled as they wrapped themselves up in each other. 

And for the first time in Rey’s life, she let herself be enough. 

No expectations. No pressures. No worries.

It just so happened to be in a noisy, hole-in-the-wall pizza parlor, Rey found her home.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Information about using red lights at night.](https://archive.briankoberlein.com/2015/04/08/blinded-by-the-light/index.html)
> 
> For the Hubble Telescope's 30th anniversary, NASA has a website that will allow you to download a famous photo taken by the Hubble for any date you request. Great for birthdays, anniversaries, etc. [Take a look here.](https://www.nasa.gov/content/goddard/what-did-hubble-see-on-your-birthday>Check%20it%20out%20here!</a>%0A%0AMoon%20River%20Pizza%20is%20a%20real%20restaurant%20that%20my%20husband%20and%20I%20used%20to%20walk%20to%20when%20we%20lived%20in%20a%20garage%20apartment%20in%20the%20Murry%20Hill%20area%20of%20Jacksonville.%20It's%20AMAZING!%20<%20href=)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to extol the brilliancies of my betas when I posted the previous chapter. They work so hard to help me not sound as dumb. BasicAlliments and PenofaPolski are amazing. I hope all the other writers out there have Betas as amazing as them. If not, they are missing out on the finer things of life. 
> 
> Also a shoutout to my husband and mom for nagging me to keep updating this. I need the push.

Rey unlocked her door and pushed it open. She felt like she _ought_ to be mildly panicking that she hadn’t deep cleaned and prepped her apartment in preparation for Ben’s arrival, though it hadn’t been possible due to the unexpectedness of his visit. Shouldn’t there be prayers and supplications arising from the depth of her that her abode wouldn’t be in too much of a state of disarray? These anxious thoughts were a result of habit as Rey did not actually feel that way and her tendency to force herself into a false state of panic felt off. 

In reality, It felt right to have Ben entering her apartment with her. 

“So, the five-cent tour,” Rey laughed as she gestured her arms across the small living space. “The only awkward part about the layout is that you have to walk through the bedroom to get to the bathroom.” 

Ben waved away her concern with a slight gesture of his hand and a brief shake of his head. 

Rey began to internally debate whether to get plates out and sit at the table like civilized people do or just tear the top of the pizza box off, split the pizza between the two halves, and chill on the sofa like she usually would.

Rey decided to be herself and allow Ben the chance to know the real her. 

She stepped into the kitchen area and flipped the box open. The aroma of garlic overtook her, and Rey’s mouth watered. She tore the lid off and split the pizza between her pineapple half and his vegetarian half. Turning around, she handed Ben the lid with his food piled on it and smiled widely at him. 

“Welcome home! This is how we do things in this house.” There was a cheerful lilt to her voice. 

Ben’s face broke out in a smile and his dark eyes pinned her in place. “In that case, I’m glad to be home.” 

Rey wondered if her insides would ever _not_ flutter when he looked at her like that. She bit her lip under the intensity of his gaze. One side of his mouth quirked upwards into a smirk as he reached both hands toward her, his fingertips grazing the back of her hands before grasping the box. Transfering the make-shift plate to one hand, Ben reached up with his free hand and gently caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers. 

It was too intense. Too new. The physical sensations sparking across her sensitive skin, the swelling of emotions, and the eddy of thoughts and meanings were too much for her. Rey spun away from him and grabbed her own plate from the table. “I normally just chill in the living room.” Rey passed by him as she spoke.

“You have no idea how much more respect I have for you now.” Ben laughed. Rey responded in kind, trying to dispel the maelstrom of the previous moment. Hopefully Ben didn’t interpret her reaction as a rejection. She just needed a little space to process the new experiences. 

Her sofa was old, used, and ugly. Very ugly. But it was comfortable and clean. They each took up residence at opposing ends and began to eat. 

“I thought we could go ahead and talk while we eat, get everything out in the open.” Ben’s voice wavered slightly.

Rey nodded and began to chew more slowly. She hoped that her gulp was not audible when she swallowed. Chancing a glance at the tall form sitting on the edge of her sofa, she observed his pizza to be untouched.

“I’ll go first since I promised we would talk.” This time confidence had been infused into his tone.

Another nod was all he received before she stuffed another large bite into her mouth and resumed her previous pace of chewing. She couldn’t even look at him. The pizza was flavorless on her tongue. She continued to chew it and swallow anyway, determined to make it through to the other side with some dignity intact.

“I like you.” Ben spoke firmly and pronounced his declaration with absolute certainty.

Rey’s eyes shot up and her mouth popped open at his boldness. She clamped it shut when she realized that she had partially-pulverized pizza still in her mouth. He had said they were going to talk, but he evidently didn’t plan to beat around the bush about it. 

“I have liked you since I first saw you at the Star Party. I was a jerk then because I usually am a jerk to people.” He shifted the makeshift plate in his hands. “I don’t do new people and first impressions well. I would rather never make a friend than for a friend to skip out on me. I tend to be needy, so people don’t tend to want to stick around. I don’t usually take chances on them…” Ben looked down at his pizza and began to nervously shift the slices around the cardboard. “You didn’t react as most people do…” He worked his jaw back and forth. “I’ve never…” Ben paused again. “Sorry, this is a bit harder than I thought.” He gave a humorless chuckle. 

“Ben…” She ought to help him; she shouldn’t put _all_ of this on him. “I thought you were the most handsome man I had ever seen.” She paused too. This really _was_ hard. Rey bit her lip. “I don’t usually… I’ve never really had much interest in dating and no one previously seemed to have much interest in dating me. But you…” Rey rummaged through the inmost part of herself. She was a survivor. Having faced insurmountable odds and come out on top many times, she found courage buried deep within her. Grabbing hold of it and yanking with all her might, she finally looked him in the eye and spoke. “You made me interested.”

A crooked smile quirked up on Ben’s face for a moment before fading once more. 

“I _am_ interested in dating you, Rey.” His eyes said more than his words. “Very interested… All I can think about sometimes is how much I want this.” He gestured to her first, then turned to the rest of the room. He returned his attention back to her and her stomach fluttered at the way he looked at her: like she was everything. 

“I want that too, Ben. But how? I know we have until you head home- which, by the way, when are you going home?”

“Tomorrow afternoon.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I have to be back on Monday for classes. I wish I could have stayed longer. I wanted to stay longer.” His hand reached toward her before he retracted it.

“How are we going to make this work?” Rey stared at her lap. She decided to distract herself with another bite of pizza. Ben’s was still untouched.

“I don’t know, but I want to find a way.” His voice was solemn. 

Rey could only manage a nod. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Rey saw him place his “plate” on the coffee table before he pulled her “plate” out of her lap too and also put it on the coffee table. Rey quickly swallowed down her food.

“Rey…” Ben grabbed both of her hands in his own. His eyes searched her face. “I have never dated anyone seriously. I’m not interested in playing the field. I am not even interested in the typical dating traditions. I’m just interested in you.”

Rey held her breath, mouth slightly open.

“Rey… We can carve our own path here. We don’t have to do this the way everyone else does. I am not interested in sex even…” His brow furrowed briefly. “Let me try to rephrase that. I am very attracted to you. I am interested in having a life with you and everything that comes with that.” His eyes flitted across her face. “ _Everything_. You understand?”

Rey nodded, soaking in the moment, studying his face.

“Please know, I’m not here to get anything out of you.” 

Rey smiled in relief and joy. One of his hands released her own and wiped away a tear she wasn’t aware she was shedding. 

“Hey, listen, I’m going to my hotel tonight to sleep. I would like to take you out for breakfast and spend the morning with you before I have to head to the airport. There’s no pressure. Let’s just keep talking and getting to know one another. Find our own way through this, okay?”

Rey felt like she should be contributing more to this conversation than just nodding, but words were far beyond her. 

“Let’s just grow closer together naturally, okay? We won’t force anything. I believe that as we grow closer, the distance issue will just resolve itself.”

Rey nodded emphatically this time. “Yes.” She finally managed to get her vocal cords working. 

“I want to stay longer, but I’m exhausted from traveling and want to make the drive to the hotel before I fall asleep. Would you like to meet me for breakfast or may I pick you up?”

“Do you have a preference? You seemed a little down when I wanted to drive home tonight.”

“Yeah,” Ben looked around the room, seeming to avoid her gaze. “I wanted to take you out nice tonight, like a traditional date thing…” Ben looked embarrassed. Rey felt ashamed and was afraid she had disappointed him.

“Oh, Ben! I had no idea. I was just so on edge and you showed up so unexpectedly and that side of town is so far from this one-”

Ben’s fingertips gently graced her lips to shush her frantic rush of words. “Rey.”

Rey closed her eyes and revelled in the glory of her name on his lips and the touch of his fingers on her mouth.

“I’m glad it worked out this way. We needed to talk about this before I just arbitrarily take you on a date. This is much better.”

Rey felt slightly better at his reassurance. 

“But tomorrow, I would like to take you out. If you’ll allow me, I’ll pick you up.”

“Am I allowed to know where we’re going?”

“Of course. It’s breakfast, so nothing fancy. I love Metro Diner and can only get it when I’m visiting here. Have you ever had them before?”

Rey shook her head. “I don’t eat out often.” 

“Oh, their chicken and waffles are famous. They were even featured on the Food Network.”

Rey pursed her lips together, impressed. 

“After that, I figured you’d like to check out Chamblin Bookmine with me.”

“Oh! I’ve heard so many people talk about that place, but haven’t made it out there yet. That would be amazing!” Rey shifted on the sofa, putting her legs under her and reclaimed her pizza. The heaviness of the previous topic had dissipated and she was relieved to have moved on. She just wanted to _be_ with him.

“Great!” Ben stood up, and Rey felt bereaved of his presence by her on the sofa. Having just settled into the sofa comfortably, she had expected to be able to enjoy being around him now that the terse conversation was over. She reluctantly extracted herself from the sofa, set down her plate begrudgingly, and followed him to the door. 

“Oh! Your pizza! Do you want to take it home or something? I’ll bag it up for you.” She would do anything to buy just a few more moments with him. Why was he leaving?

She walked to the kitchen, methodically dug through the drawer, and returned with a gallon ziplock bag. She took her time packing his slices into the bag and then sealed it, wondering where the night went wrong. As she handed it to him, eyes downcast, he grazed his fingers over hers once more. The gesture of affection helped draw her out of her downward spiral. His other hand lightly cupped her chin and tilted her head back. He looked into her eyes, studying them. 

“Is eight too early?” His voice had dropped an octave and his hands lingered on her. 

“It’s perfect.” 

Ben leaned down close to her face. “‘’Til then.” His nose grazed her cheek and his lips skimmed her cheek. Rey couldn’t move from the overload of emotions and physical stimuli. She could just close her eyes and receive it. She chose to receive affection, believing in its sincerity and embracing hope for their future. 

He pulled away slightly, just far enough to look in her eyes. One side of his mouth was slightly crooked upward. “Goodnight, Ben,” Rey whispered. 

“Goodnight.”

Rey watched him trudge down the steps. The last time he walked away from her, she felt like he was no different than everyone else in her life she desired to be close to. That he was leaving her like everyone else. 

But, this time, she knew he was coming back to her. 

Tomorrow at eight. 

……………

Rey stared at the 200-year-old novel collection of Arabian Nights. It was priced for $18,000. Chamblin Bookmine wasn’t just a used bookstore, it was practically a museum. 

“Amazing, huh?” Ben’s low voice muttered from right behind her. Rey trembled when he reached around her to put both his hands on each of her elbows. Her belly was full and all awkwardness between them had melted away over breakfast. She leaned back into him before she even realized how intimate a gesture it was. 

They hadn’t even kissed yet, save his peck on her cheek the previous night. They probably looked like a married couple to outsiders. Rey mentally strangled the anxious voice in her head, warning her, criticizing her decisions.

To spite that voice, she decided to close her eyes and fully relish every sensation, humming in contentment.

This seemed to please Ben because he nuzzled his nose in her hair again. Rey crossed her arms over her chest and grasped the top of his hands.

Her encouragement spurred him further. His face trailed down the right side of her own, rubbing his cheek against her own. His dark, soft hair spilled forward and tickled her cheek. A giggle escaped her and he kissed her cheek. Goosebumps erupted across Rey’s arms, up her back, and into her scalp. When she inhaled with delight, he smelled of sandalwood and citrus. 

Her lips parted and her tongue poked out to wet them. “Ben…” She heard herself whisper.

He hummed back at her before he trailed his nose down her face to nuzzle her exposed neck. 

“Ben…” 

“Rey.” She felt his lips against her neck, though he did not kiss her. Just a graze and Rey leaned further into him, losing herself.

“Come on. I want to show you my favorite sections.” He spoke with his lips against her neck, still not having kissed her. Her neck burned where his mouth rested. She had never felt so satisfied and so hungry before in her life. 

Rey nodded. Apparently that was what he reduced her to: a mumbling, nodding mess.

Lifting his head, he planted a kiss on her cheek again before pulling her down the main hallway toward the nonfiction section. Rey noted how small the aisles were as she trailed behind him, being pulled along by her hand. They passed row after row, aisle after aisle of books. Books far outnumbered people in this realm. There were mismatched shelves of different heights, lengths, and colors. Books stacked on the floor, overflowing from the shelves. The carpet ended in frays onto a cement floor and then began once again in a different color, held down by a strip of duct tape. The only sounds that could be heard were the light scuffing of their shoes against the flooring. The magic of the store was certainly _not_ in its appearance, but in the treasure trove of knowledge, perspectives, and stories contained within. They ended up at the end of the hallway, then turned down another hallway and passed more shelves. More aisles. More books. 

“This is the astronomy section, Rey. It starts here.” Rey looked on in curiosity and wonder. Ben released her hand and walked down the aisle away from her. One of his hands was lifted as high as his face with a finger pointed in the air, signaling for her to wait. He stopped a ways down. “It ends here.” About 15 feet of bookcases, ceiling to floor, full of astronomy books. He stalked back towards her. “Everything you can imagine is here. And more.” 

Ben pulled a book out and showed her pictures of differently-shaped galaxies. “This photographer specialized in capturing galaxies. This is more of a ‘coffee table’ book than an educational book since it mainly contains pictures. He is one of my favorites though.” 

Rey watched as Ben’s long fingers reached out to trail along the spines of books until landing on one in particular. It wasn’t a thick book, thin and seemingly common. 

“Ah!” Ben exclaimed. She realized at this moment that he rarely exclaimed. Usually more laid back and mellow. “This is Mike Reynold’s book. It’s probably signed by him, too.” He flipped open the cover and displayed the signature. “Mike is amazing. You’ve probably seen him at the NEFAS meetings.” Ben looked at her for a response. 

“Yeah, I think he did a presentation recently about solar eclipses and it was very interesting.” 

“Yes! The man is obsessed with them. He travels to each one, no matter the location or the cost. He has amazing stories.” Ben stuck his thumbnail in his mouth and Rey heard a soft click as he bit down. She chuckled to herself a bit. _He bites his nails when he concentrates._

“What I most appreciate about him is his absolute passion for learning and his never-ceasing amazement with the wonders of the universe. Studying something so thoroughly and continuously, it’s easy to start to take it for granted- become inoculated, if you will- against the magic of it. Dr. Reynolds has always, _always_ been one to revive my own love of it.”

Rey watched his face. Several emotions flitted across his face. She couldn’t read and catch them all. Though she couldn’t interpret them all, she was pleased to see his willingness to be so vulnerable in front of her. 

“I know I told you about Luke and what happened to me… losing out on my dream of going to space… I intentionally avoided Dr. Reynolds. I went to great lengths to not be at the same events as him, because I knew he would stir up my interest and I wasn’t ready to… to…”

Rey laid her arm on his forearm. “I understand.” 

Ben smiled softly at her and Rey saw it again. His admiration of her. He looked at her like she was the brightest star in the galaxy. Rey’s breath caught in her throat. He stepped towards her. 

“You always seem to understand.” His voice was so low, it rumbled. Rey stepped back and she felt the bookcase against her back. Ben reached up as though to replace the book on the shelf just above her head, boxing her in. His opposing hand came to rest on a shelf, just a few inches from her waist. 

Ben leaned down and nuzzled her nose with his own. His eyes roamed over her face, as though he wanted to commit every detail to memory. Rey watched his eyes before she spotted a mole just to the side of his eye. The mole led to a series of freckles that Rey’s eyes followed down until it ended at his lips. Ben rolled his lips inward and bit them, taking a sharp breath in through his nose.

Rey tried to look away but couldn’t until her name on his lips pulled her attention up to his eyes- eyes which were darker than normal. “Rey… May I…” He closed his eyes and swallowed before parting his own lips. 

“Yes,” she answered without thought. 

She expected his lips to ‘crash onto hers’ as she had read in so many novels. Instead, she watched him slowly lean further into her. His lips grazed the corner of her mouth. He lingered there and Rey didn’t know if she could take his chivalry and caution anymore. She closed her eyes and a whimper of need escaped her throat. The graze then evolved into a caress. 

Rey returned the kiss to the corner of his mouth. Slowly Ben advanced to the zenith of her mouth. Warmth engulfed Rey, starting from below her heart, expanding through her lungs, up into her throat, and manifested in a soft moan. 

“Rey…” Ben muttered against her lips. “The things you do to me.” He kissed her again, his lower hand moved to her waist and began to caress her side at the same rate his lips caressed her own.

Rey was lost in him. His smell engulfed her, his warmth permeated her. If there was ever someone Rey wanted to be one with, it was him. Was it crazy to feel this way about someone you shared your first kiss with? How would she know if this was what every kiss felt like? Or would only a kiss from your other half cause you to feel this complete?

Ben planted a kiss on her lips with a subliminal message of finality and then pulled away. The side of his mouth quirked up at her again and Rey was staring at his lips again. “There you are.” Rey looked up to meet his eyes. “You went somewhere else for a moment before you came back to me.” He chuckled. 

Rey wondered to herself for a moment then understood that she must have given away the fact she had fallen into the pit of overthinking. “I’m sorry. My mind just…”

“It’s okay.” He mumbled. “We probably need to… um…”

“I gotcha.” Rey smiled at him. 

It probably wasn’t wise to make-out against a bookcase in Chamblin. 

Actually, it seemed like the best place to make out. Rey chuckled to herself. Ben looked at her with curiosity. 

“I’m sorry. My first kiss was in the astronomy section in a massive used bookstore. That’s the nerdiest thing I’ve ever done.” 

“That wasn’t my _first_ kiss, but it definitely was my favorite.” Ben pulled her away from the bookcase, down the aisle, and toward the Biography section. “My next favorite section is biographies. I love them. I feel like they are a way to… I feel like they...” Ben raised his hand toward his mouth again to chew his fingers. 

“Don’t!” Rey playfully scolded him. “I feel like you need anti-nail biting polish or something.” 

Ben chuckled at her. “Sorry... I’m trying to explain what I’m thinking…”

“I’ll wait on you.”

Ben smirked at her again. “I feel like they unify the human race. They bring such different perspectives to others. Broaden our understanding of one another, let down our guard enough to work together to find common ground. Think of the problems we could solve, the discoveries we could make, if we’d just stop arguing long enough to try to understand each other.” 

Was that what all their time communicating over the internet as strangers had been? A way to broaden their understanding of each other and see from the other’s perspective? All of a sudden, it felt like a privilege to get to know this man in such a different way than social norms dictated. 

At that moment, Rey fell in love. 

In a used bookstore. 

Listening to Ben explain away his idiosyncrasies.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [This is the Astronomy section of Chamblin Bookmine.](https://images.app.goo.gl/h3DDaT91ZZfrAifA7) If you ever visit Jacksonville, [Chamblin Bookmine](https://www.chamblinbookmine.com) is a must-see!
> 
> Mike Reynolds is amazing. I first met him at a teacher's workshop for the Great American Solar Eclipse in 2017. The second time I met him was at a Rock and Mineral Expo where he signed a copy of his latest book for me and I bought one of his meteorites. I found the same book at Chamblin Bookmine later and when I opened the front cover, he had signed it as well. [Here is the book.](https://www.amazon.com/Falling-Stars-Meteorites-Astronomy-2010-07-14/dp/B01K0SONF4/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=mike+reynolds+meteors&qid=1587647054&s=books&sr=1-1)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my betas, PenofaPolski and BasicAlliments. BasicAlliments teased me about being more of a gamma, as she looked over this multiple times for me. Actually, she usually looks at my chapters over multiple times. Also a shout out to Hartmannclan! You guys have this chapter because of her encouragement that I don't give up! 
> 
> We are heading into the next act of the story now. Ben and Rey are in a relationship, but can they figure out how to have one of those. Getting into a relationship is the easy part, making it work is often something else. 
> 
> I hope everyone was able to the first astronaut launch from American soil since 2011. It was amazing. As Elon Musk said, "The trampoline is working!"

#  Chapter 13:

Rey plopped down into her desk chair and booted up her computer. Droplets occasionally escaped her freshly-showered hair and landed on the exposed skin of her upper back. Before heading to her late-morning class, she was checking her orders. The Etsy store Rose and Paige had assisted her in setting up had succeeded in bringing extra cash her way. And extra work. Fortunately, it was work she enjoyed, and the cash was reinvested in growing her business further. 

Her computer pinged with notifications. Three more orders awaited her. 

Three. 

Rey scratched her head and then threaded her fingers through the wet locks. She already had seventeen orders still pending. This morning’s lot brought it up to twenty. Clicking over to her Google Calendar, she searched for a time to fill the orders. 

A month had passed since Ben had dropped her off at her apartment and returned to Colorado. Her store had been open since the following week. In three short weeks, she was already inundated with orders. Rey raised a knee and hugged it to her chest. After a few deep breaths, she reached for her phone, opening the group chat.

**Rey: Guys… I woke up this morning to 3 more orders. I ought to be excited, but I’m terrified I won’t be able to keep up.**

**Rose: !!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Rose: That’s awesome, Rey-Rey!!! I knew your store would be a hit!**

**Finn: Way to go, Peanut!**

**Poe: That’s my girl!**

**Rey: I’m glad someone is all excited.**

**Rey: But I’m totally freaking out! I have 20 orders pending now. 20!!!!**

**Rose: So raise your prices. Classic supply and demand 101.**

**Finn: Yeah, raise them gradually until you find you’re only getting the number of orders you can handle.**

**Poe: If orders don’t slow down even with the price increases, perhaps you should make your side hustle into your main hustle and quit the coffee shop.**

**Rose: Yeah, Rey. I agree with Poe.**

**Rey: Guys, I know NOTHING about running a business. I don’t even know where to start.**

**Finn: Start with this step and see if it’s meant to stay as a side thing. If it continues growing, you’ll figure out the next step, just like you found your way here.**

**Rey: You guys are the best! (((HUGS)))**

**Poe: Correction: I am best. These other losers just picked it up from me over time.**

**Rose: Psssh**

Rey ruminated on her options to the rhythm of her sewing machine while she hurriedly stitched the hem of one of her shirts before heading out to class. Now that she had a sewing machine, Rey included several different upcycled designs on her website. She also enjoyed experimenting on clothes to find new ideas. That was where most of her business cash flow found its resting place: supplies for new designs. However, her designing time had been cut way back as of late to keep up with online orders. Rey chewed the inside of her bottom lip. She enjoyed the designing process and wanted to continue reserving time for such a diversion. However, what had begun as a diversion and an affordable way to spruce up her personal wardrobe had quickly spiraled into a potential side job. Rey nibbed at her lip.

Could she even handle two part-time jobs, if her store on Etsy continued to grow? Rey did have quite a bit of surplus from the new source of income. She would have to add it up soon and see how far away she was from quitting her coffee shop job and become a small business owner. She would also need to talk to someone about making it an official business. 

Rey came to the end of the fabric and pressed the backstitch button on her machine to lock in the stitch. She pulled it free and clipped the edges. Standing up from her desk chair, she pulled her shirt off and dropped it onto the floor at her feet. She walked through her bedroom and up to the full-length mirror she had attached to the bathroom door, pulling the new shirt over her head as she arrived. She examined the lines in the mirror, turning from side to side. It looked good. Rey smiled and nodded to herself. This would probably be a winner also. Her gaze lingered on the lines of the shirt while her mind swirled. She would probably need to wait until her order queue cleared out some before adding additional work by releasing a new product.

Rey’s ringtone interrupted her fashion scheming. She sighed at the caller, though uncertain who the offender was, and tramped over to her bedside to grab her phone.

It was Ben Kenobi calling, probably to invite her out to dinner once more and plan another event for their astronomy society. They talked frequently these days, topics of conversation having expanded from NEFAS to their mutual acquaintance of Ben Solo. Many of Rey’s closing shifts were punctuated with a coffee and discussion with the old man before locking down the building.

“Hey, Ben. How are you?”

“Rey.” His voice was grave.

“What’s wrong?”

“Mike Reynolds just passed away from a heart attack. I know you only met him a few times briefly at our meetings, but I’m just calling everyone in NEFAS to let them know to keep an eye on the Facebook group so that they can be on the lookout for funeral arrangements and potentially participate in any arrangements we make to help support the family.”

Rey had slumped down to sit on the side of her bed. Dr. Reynolds had been such an engaging speaker and an inspiring individual. Even before Ben had sung his praises to her in the book store while showcasing a signed copy of his latest book on meteors, she had thought his passion for astronomy contagious. He was her favorite presenter at their NEFAS meetings. Her free hand discovered a loose string at the hem of her shirt and she began to absentmindedly fiddle with it. She wondered if her Ben knew yet and how the news would affect him.

“Let me know if there’s anything I can help with, like organizing some meals for the family or hosting a fundraiser to help pay for arrangements.” 

“Sure thing, Rey. I’ll be in touch.”

……….

Ben sat at his desk, surfing the internet once again for job opportunities, research projects, for something he could not quite quantify. His enjoyment teaching astronomy had been restored, but he wanted to contribute more. He wanted to learn more. Discover more. Restlessness plagued his spirit. He was searching for something he could not yet define, which often meant he ran down several rabbits holes all over the internet.

Since returning from Florida, he had researched doctorate programs and even explored the potential of relocating to another university where he could work with different professors to gain new perspectives. Perhaps such an opportunity would bring him closer to Rey. But nothing felt right. He continued his listless perusal of the internet, burning time until the next trivial department meeting Hux was leading in a quarter-hour.

The door slammed open against the wall, startling Ben. Hux was standing in the doorway with a sneer on his face. “I assumed I would find you loitering about the internet. Are you ignorant of the meeting’s imminent commencement or are you indifferent to the virtue of punctuality?”

“It doesn’t start for another 15 minutes.” Ben defended himself indignantly, gesturing his exasperation with his hands in the air.

“Ah, I see.” Hux’s nose twitched. “I neglected to remember your propensity for mediocrity.” He straightened his jacket. “Might I remind you of the significance of this calendar meeting? If you care one iota about this department, I suggest you take this more seriously.”

Ben furrowed his eyebrows at Hux. “Y’know, you could just send the calendar to everyone in an email?”

“Yes, well,” Hux harrumphed, swiping at his dress shirt like Ben’s words had stuck to him like dust to be brushed away. “That was not my decision. I am just bound by the requirements of my superiors.” 

Ben rolled his eyes and pulled himself up out of his chair. “Sure you are.” This guy took his meetings way too seriously. While closing his laptop, Ben made a mental note to spam his inbox with frivolous items to add to the calendar. Restroom breaks, balloon day, Talk-like-a-pirate day, Cambodia’s Independence Day. Ben smirked to himself anticipating Hux’s impending disdain.

His phone buzzed as he walked down the hallway.

**Rey: Hey Ben. I just got off the phone with Kenobi. Have you heard about Dr. Reynolds?**

Ben’s forehead furrowed as his brain searched the metaphorical Rolodex of emails, texts, schedules he could remember to see if he forgot something. After his mental search timed out, he texted Rey back.

**Ben: I don’t recall anything about Mike Reynolds. Is he announcing the details for the eclipse next year or something?**

**Rey: No. That’s not it. Can you call me? I think it would be better if I told you over the phone.**

**Rey: While you’re sitting down.**

Ben sensed news of a tragedy and immediately began rationalizing it away. It had already happened. He was just waiting to get confirmation of what he already knew was coming. He remembered this feeling all too well and a hole in his chest opened.

Ben closed his eyes and breathed slowly in through his nose. Hux was going to kill him for being late. Perhaps he would understand. Ben wasn’t sure which he dreaded more. He despised pity.

Ben turned around in the hallway and headed back to his office, dialing Rey’s number. She picked up on the first ring and Ben spoke first. 

“He’s dead, isn’t he?” 

Rey’s breathing was the only evidence of her presence of the line. After a moment, she spoke. 

“Yes.” 

Ben reached the door to his office and pushed it open slowly. Walking to his desk felt like wading through water. “Tell me.”

He heard Rey take a deep breath again. “I don’t have a lot of details, but it was a heart attack.” 

Ben plopped down hard into his chair and rested his elbows on his desk and put his head in down in the palm of his free hand. “Of course it was.” 

“I’m sorry, Ben.” 

“It’s not your fault.”

…………….

Rey hated to be the one to tell him. She knew this would be reopening a wound barely scabbed over.

“I just hate to be the one to ruin your d-”

“Rey, that’s stupid.” There was an unfamiliar, steely edge to his voice. He had been short with her the day they met, but that had been rooted in annoyance and impatience. This was different somehow. It felt different.

“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say. She just wanted him to be happy again, though it would be hard to be happy over such news. Not that he  _ should _ be happy over such news. She huffed a breath of frustration at herself. She wanted to somehow soften the blow. That was all.

“I don’t know why you’re apologizing. It’s not like it’s your fault.” His voice was softer now and it eased her slightly.

“I know it’s not my fault. I just mean to say that I am… that I…” Rey wracked her brain in search of the right words. “You’re not facing this alone. I feel bad over this too, probably not to the same degree or in the way as you. What I mean is, you don’t have to be alone while you go through this.”

“I know, Rey. I know.” Ben’s sigh was filled with despair, and her heart ached. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’m glad you were the one to tell me. I was on the way to a meeting just now. They would probably announce this in the meeting and I’d rather be alone in my office on the phone with you than in a meeting full of idiots I have to hold it together in front of.”

“I understand.” She didn’t.

Rey would have rather heard the news at a NEFAS meeting with everyone there. They could all support one another, form a plan, reminisce together. He may have been at work, but his work was full of astronomy professors who would likewise be shocked and heartbroken over the death of such an influential man in their field.

“Do you think you’ll make it to the funeral?”

“Yes. I will. I’ll probably fly in my own plane though. It’ll save money, and flying helps me clear my mind. Process stuff.”

“Oh. I didn’t know you were a pilot.” How did she not know this? Shouldn’t he have told her? They had been talking for a while now. She should know things like this.

“Yeah, I inherited my dad’s plane.” He mumbled so softly she could barely make out his words.

“Oh... I see.” She didn’t understand why he wouldn’t have shared something like this with her before. How could he have inherited something so unique from his late father and not have shared that part of himself with her? What else was he withholding? She didn’t want to bother him with her internal conflict and offense, so she decided to placate him with false affirmations. 

  
  
  


Rey wanted to share everything with him. With anyone that would give her the time of day. Having lived so long without any meaningful connections, she couldn’t imagine being anything other than completely open with her newfound friends and family. She would see to it that he opened up to her also. She refused to let him be distant. 

“Yeah.” His muttering brought her back to the present. 

“Ben, I’m here for you.” Perhaps he held back his grief over his father because their relationship was so fresh. They weren’t so green now. They had also declared to grow together and develop their relationship. Rey determined that he would not face this grief alone like he did the death of his father. 

“Thanks.” His tone indicated that the gratitude was extended halfheartedly. Rey chewed her lip in the same spot from earlier today. She would find a way to reach him. “Rey, I’m gonna have to let you go and get to this meeting.”

“I understand. We can talk more tonight after you get off work.” 

“Sure…” He sighed. “Tonight.” 

……………

**Ben: I just got home. I’m tired. I’ll call tomorrow night, okay?**

**Rey: You sure? I’m here if you want to talk.**

**Ben: Thanks, but I’m sure.**

Ben lay stretched out on his back sideways across his bed. He clicked his phone off and laid it down on his abdomen with his hand resting on top as he stared at the ceiling. 

His phone vibrated against his fingers. Pulling it up to his face, he groaned at the time. Apparently ten minutes had passed. 

**Rey: Do you think I should try to organize a meal thing for his family? Coordinate people to bring them food for a few weeks or something to help?**

Ben didn’t care. He didn’t want to bother with any of this. He planned to travel for the funeral, the thought of which made him sick. He hated funerals. If only he could find a way to skip out on them all. 

**Rey: They have an app/website thing that people can sign up through and it’s all organized. We could use that.**

Ben couldn’t think of anything he’d rather do less. Truly, he’d rather army crawl across shards of broken glass while being lit on fire, than partake in any such thing. It wasn’t that he was apathetic or hostile to it happening. He had appreciated such acts of kindness during his father’s sickness and subsequent passing, but he had just buried his father a few months ago. Being an only child meant he had made all the decisions, attending to all the details his mother was too distraught to think about. He had worked so hard to reconcile with the family and make everything as easy as possible on  _ them _ during that time. Now that he thought back on it, it was his way of trying to pay penance. A penance that he wasn’t exactly sure he owed. 

The last thing he wanted to do right now was to jump through similar hoops to help someone that could easily have someone else do it. He didn’t want to even put forth the mental energy to think about it.

Exhausted from his own thoughts, he let his hands fall back onto his stomach with the phone and resumed his ceiling observations. 

This time, the vibration in his hands sparked irritation. 

**Rey: What do you think?**

What he thought was  _ I don’t give a rip what you do about it.  _ His response was a bit softer.

Because he loved her.

**Ben: Whatever you think is best.**

**Rey: What helped you and your family the best when your dad passed?**

_ Seriously? _

**Ben: I don’t want to talk about this right now.**

**Rey: I understand.**

He breathed out a sigh of relief.

**Rey: It may be good to talk about it though.**

Ben felt his eyes widen and his chest tighten. 

**Rey: I know talking through things with someone I trust helps me.**

_ What do I do with this? _

He was both angry for being pressured to think about it and exhausted from actually thinking about it. He wasn’t sure which one he should let win. He didn’t want to push her away, but he didn’t want to think about it anymore. He wanted to lay here and let his mind rest.

**Rey: If you need someone who understands, I’m here for you. It’s okay to cry too.**

Maybe staring at a campfire in the woods where there is no cell phone signal would be better than the ceiling.

**Rey: I mean it. I won’t think less of you for crying. Strong people cry because it means they are strong enough and brave enough to face their problems instead of avoiding them or distracting themselves from them.**

Yes. The woods would be infinitely better than here. He just needed a way out of this conversation so that he didn’t upset her or cause her to worry.

**Ben: Thanks. I’m okay. Gotta go though. A buddy of mine wants to do a bonfire-in-the-woods, bonding thing. I won’t have cell signal, so you probably won’t hear back from me until I get back.**

**Rey: That sounds exactly like what you need. To talk it out with a friend. I’m glad he’s there for you, especially since I’m so far away right now.**

Usually Ben craved Rey’s presence. He longed to be with her, hear her voice. But right now, he didn’t think he could get away fast enough. And this was only a text conversation. 

Ben switched his phone onto airplane mode and stared at the ceiling again. A fire was too much work. He closed his eyes and decided exhaustion would win.

……………

The following evening, Rey had her class notes spread out across her bed. Finals were approaching for the autumn semester. She had frequently neglected her studies this semester in lieu of more interesting prospects- friendships, romantic endearments, the potential beings of entrepreneurship, and self discovery, and now she was sacrificing herself to the cramming gods, hoping for their mercy. The chirp of her phone saved her from selling her soul.

**Ben: Hey. Are you busy? Can you talk? I need to hear your voice.**

Rey beamed. Ben wanted to hear her voice. He had been quiet the previous night, but now he wanted her help. He needed her. Undoubtedly, the poor man was having to relive his father’s death through the passing of another influential man in his life. 

Rey was eager to reply.

**Rey: Of course. Anything you need.**

Her phone rang and she immediately answered.

“Hey, babe.” They called each other those things now. It was sweet. Rey loved it. She was every bit the lovey-dovey heartsick fool she used to laugh at in Disney Channel movies.

“Hey, sweetheart. It’s so good to hear your voice.”

“Has it been rough?”

“Yeah. It has been.”

“Did last night help?”

“Hmmm?” Ben hummed into the phone. 

“You said you were going out into the woods with a friend to talk.” 

“Oh that. It didn’t end up working out, but having some time to myself to think helped for sure. It’s just gonna take time.”

“Maybe you should go out with that friend this week though. I’m certain that talking about it will help.”

“You’re probably right. Getting out in the woods and watching wood burn would help. It always helps. Probably ask Peter to go with me. He’s great.”

Another facet of his life she knew nothing about.

“Peter?”

“Mhmm.” Ben’s deep voice rumbled through the phone speaker. He sounded bone-weary. “Peter Mayhew and my dad were in the military together. Basically inseparable. I’ve known him all my life. He’s basically family.”

“Oh, since several of us from the astronomy department are attending the funeral, we were given time off for it. I plan to fly down a few days early so I can see you.”

Rey beamed with delight.”That’s wonderful! How many days will you be in town?” She hated that the world would now be deprived of the amazing Dr. Reynolds, but would gladly accept every opportunity to see Ben. However, she felt like the timing of this news was intentional. He was trying to avoid the subject. She wasn’t about to let that happen. 

“I”m not sure how many days I’ll be there yet. Still working out the details.” 

“Well, let me know.” She chewed at her lip, anxious to convince him to talk about his grief. “When you go out with Peter, will you talk to him about how you’re feeling?” Rey felt like he was sidelining her suggestions. Uncertainty coiled in her belly. She couldn’t see him or be there with him, so she wanted to know someone was there for him. She was resolute that he would not suffer alone as she had.

“I doubt it. I don’t think it would help.”

Rey pulled the phone away from her face and looked at it as though it was a snake and was poised to strike before returning to her face to reply. “Why wouldn’t it help?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t think it would. I’m better off just intellectualizing it. I’ll think about it after I get past the funeral and back to life. Or while I’m flying. I’m able to organize my thoughts much more efficiently when I’m above the clouds.”

Rey had no idea what any of that meant. She just knew that it was dangerous to bury feelings and neglect wounds. Resentment and bitterness eat away a person’s soul. She didn’t want that for Ben. She didn’t want him drowning his sorrows in alcohol like her adopted father did when his wife left. The thought of his imploding on himself over the years was too much to bear. She wouldn’t let it happen on her watch. He meant too much to her.

“What do you mean, ‘intellectualize it?’”

“I don’t know. I just think about it a bit. I mean, I went up in the plane after Dad passed and processed it all. I thought about him and remembered him.” Ben cleared his throat. “Can we talk about something else? Tell me about your day. Your voice is soothing.”

Rey’s mouth tipped upwards at the compliment. Although she longed to understand him more, she would be happy to do anything that would soothe him in any way. Perhaps in granting him this, he would offer her more of himself in return. “As long as you promise you’re gonna deal with it, I’ll let it go tonight. Okay?”

“Sure thing, baby.” His voice was a low rumble again, which made Rey’s insides melt with delight.

Rey and Ben stayed up on the phone late that night. She told him about her finals and her classes next semester. She shared her uncertainty about continuing to work at the coffee shop while continuing to grow her business. Prancing about the room, Rey described her different designs she was preparing to add to her Etsy shop once her orders were fulfilled and all the upcoming new projects she was excited to try. Ben listened, only occasionally adding a thoughtful comment or word of encouragement. 

Rey fell asleep that night on the phone with him. She slept well that night, wrapping herself up in his deep voice like a warm blanket fresh out of the dryer. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you missed it, here are the launch highlights!
> 
> If you have ever watched Spacex land a booster on their droneship "Of Course I Still Love You," you know the camera often cuts out at the most exciting time. Here's why.
> 
> If you would like to own the same stuff dinosaur that launch beside Doug and Bob,  Here it is for purchase on Amazon.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys for the long wait. My family caught the 'rona. My husband recovered quickly in just a few days, my kids were only sick about six hours, but I was down with it for five weeks. Taking melatonin was what helped me finally turn the corner. There's a preventative melatonin protocol to take prior to being infected with COVID that helps it becoming severe. There's also a regiment to take whilst ill. I want to keep as many people as safe and healthy as possible. I can share the info with anyone who is interested.
> 
> Shout out to my beta and the one who keeps me sane: BasicAliments. I love you so much! 
> 
> I also send my love to Hartmannclan for pushing me not to give up on this.

"I Wish I Were the Moon"

Stanzas 1 & 2

by Jesse Stillwater 

_ I wish I were the Moon _

_ Bequeathing an enchanting night _

_ A mystical celestial sphere  _

_ Bewitching lover’s hearts _

**  
  
**

_ A practical magic spell _

_ C a s t _

_ In a lonely hollow shell _

_ An ardent musical echo ―  _

_ Released in an irrepressible _

_ Impassioned moan _

_ A twilight sigh  _

_ escaping in untamed _

_ Blissful breath _

**  
  
**

**.....................................................................**

**Rose: OMG! You guys! Armie is coming to town!**

**Rose: He’s in town for a funeral relating to his work, but since it happens to be here with me, he’s taking some extra time to make it a visit.**

**Finn: I want to meet this guy.**

**Poe: Yeah, he needs to be vetted for sure.**

**Finn: For real, man! Rose, are you even sure his real name is Armitage? What loser has a name like that?**

**Poe: Exactly! That’s totally not a real name. Rose, you have to bring this guy by.**

**Rey: Y’all lay off already. They did meet at comic con after all.**

**Rey: It’s fine, Rose. We would love to meet him if you want to share him with us. If you just want the time to yourselves, we totally get that too. RIGHT, GUYS?!?!?!**

**Finn: I’m not really interested in sharing him.**

**Poe: I don’t know if I want to find out if he’s real ginger or not, Rey. Some things are better left unknown.**

**Rey: *Facepalm emoji* You guys know what I meant.**

**Rose: *laughing emoji* You did walk right into that one, girl.**

**Rose: Armitage Hux is his real name, you idiots. You can meet him, but he doesn’t need any vetting. I’m a grown woman.**

**Rey: That’s right! You tell ‘em, Rose!!!**

**Finn: He’s getting vetted. Deal with it.**

**Poe: hold up, Finn-my-man. The girls are right. They don’t need our chauvinistic, over-protective care. We can all hang out and be supportive of our girl’s choices.**

**Rose: You’re still planning to vet him, aren’t you?**

**Poe: Absolutely**

**Finn: Yup!**

**………….**

Ben sat in the coffee shop across from Hux, picking at his cranberry-orange muffin. Hux was consuming his vegetable omelet with an air about him that tattered between regal and elated. 

“With the funeral on Saturday, it makes traveling to Florida for it quite simple. Leave Friday, return Sunday, only one weekday to account for. However, I have some extra vacation time stored up. I’ll be flying down in a few days and stay until the funeral.” 

Ben lifted his eyes from his muffin and studied his red-headed friend. Carefree, relaxed, oddly pleasant to be around. 

“Your girl is down there, isn’t she?”

Hux’s usually rigid face softened into a small smile. Ben watched in rapt fascination. To the ignorant observer, Hux’s expression would be one of mild interest, but Ben had known the man for several years. Hux was elated at the prospect of seeing her. 

“You’re not displaying your typical obliviousness, Solo. You surprise me.”

Ben tore off a small chunk of his muffin and tossed it at Hux. It was batted it away with a scoff.

“Childish. So typical.” Hux brushed imaginary crumbs off his upper sleeve. “Isn’t your love-interest in Florida also? Surely you plan to spend some time with her while in town.”

“I honestly hadn’t thought about it.” Ben worked his jaw, internally wallowing in shame for a moment. “That sounds terrible.” Ben shook his head, staring down at this plate of crumbled muffin. He crumbled it further. “With Dad’s passing still so fresh, I just…” Ben huffed air out. He wasn’t ready to talk about it. 

Hux exhaled loudly and gifted him with a slight nod of understanding. 

Ben deeply appreciated the space his friend allowed him. Strengthened by such, he regrouped and manned up. “I should plan to stay and spend time with Rey. You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right.” 

Ben leaned back in his chair and stared at Hux, taking a moment to organize a litany of thoughts into a coherent plan before its presentation. “I plan to fly my plane down. If you’ll agree to just close down the astronomy department for the week that we’re both gone, I’ll let you fly with me and save you the airfare.”

“As long as you don’t attempt unnecessary bonding or emotionally charged conversations, I agree.” Hux regally patted his mouth with his napkin. “The department could use a break anyway.”

…………….

Rey and Rose were sitting on the floor of Rey’s living room, surrounded by fabric scraps, cut-up articles of used clothing, and beaded embellishments. There was an opened pizza box between them with scraps of discarded crusts and a half-full cup of garlic sauce. 

“I’m thinking the red one, Rose.”

“It just draws so much attention.”

“So what, girl? It looks great on you.”

“I haven’t seen Armie in a long time, and I just…” She heaved a great sigh. “Armie is very straight-laced, traditional. I wouldn’t want him to get the wrong impres-”

“Rose!” Rey drew out her name, emphasizing the exasperation, which her tone was already laced with, by rolling her eyes and flopping backward, barely bracing herself from hitting the floor. Staring at the ceiling she finished her thought. “He may be boring, stuck-up, and condescending, but he loves your brightness. “She lifted her head to look Rose directly in the eyes. “He loves you for you, right?” 

Rose nodded. “No doubt! We have  _ such  _ a connection, you know.” Her eyes were bright and her cheeks warmed as she hurriedly spoke. “We just get each other. Yeah, we’re really different, but opposites attract, you know? He can be so sweet and sensitive with me. And there’s just something about a guy who is a complete and total jerk to everyone else in the world, but not you. It sounds stupid.” 

“No, it doesn’t. I get it. It sounds wonderful.”

“I can tell him anything. And he’s opened up to me about some crazy things about his dad and mom.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely! When we met, it was like an instant connection. We told each other things we had never been brave enough to share with anyone else. I don’t know if the distance between us made us feel safer sharing or what. But from the very beginning, we were open with one another.”

Rey chewed her lip while she tucked this information away to ponder later. “Rose, you guys are just so in love. Wear the red and just be the person he fell in love with at first sight.” Rey grabbed the red blouse she had customized specifically for the occasion and tossed it at Rose’s face. 

Rose pulled it off her face and spread it delicately across her lap. Her small fingers trailed over the details and her eyes were far away as though lost in a dream. 

“It wasn’t exactly at first sight, you know.” 

Rey sat up straight with large eyes. “Give me everything.” She said slowly. “Every detail. I need it.”

Rose threw her head back and laughed, flipping her hair with her hand. “He was actually interrogating me. Like, it was really bad.” She puffed her cheeks out and her eyes bugged. “He was working security for the comic-con. I was dressed up and had a fake-weapon. He, uhh… well… He gave me a real hard time about it. Like, it was  _ completely _ ridiculous.”

Rey’s mouth slightly opened upon hearing this, farthing egging on the story-teller.

“I started arguing with him and he had the audacity to start insulting me. He went off about how childish LARPing is and how I should grow up.”

“He didn’t!”

“He did! And I wasn’t having it. I got up in his face and gave it right back to him.” She turned thoughtful for a moment. “I believe my words were along the line of ‘at least I know how to enjoy myself in a manner that doesn’t involve insulting random strangers and ruining people’s day.’”

“Wow!” 

“Then he made me sit behind him while he checked everyone else in. The rest of my group went on to the event that was about to begin. He made me sit there until the doors closed. I missed the entire panel because he took forever to check my props over.”

“That’s terrible!”

“When I found the doors closed I came back and confronted him. He was contrite and muttered the most pathetic excuse for an apology I had ever heard. I wouldn’t accept it and demanded that he buy me a soda. I sat with him drinking soda, chattering at him obnoxiously the entire forty-five-minute panel. I knew I would just drive him crazy and that was my revenge. We ended up bonding over exchanging insults and texting each other memes.

“The following day he showed up to watch my LARP group even though he wasn’t on duty. He gave me a signed picture including the group whose panel I missed.”

There wasn’t a happier woman on the face of the planet than the lovely Asian woman sitting crossed-legged before her amidst scraps and pizza boxes. 

While curled up in her bed next to Rose, with the assurance of her soft snores, Rey felt safe enough in the solitude of darkness to think. She thought about many things. Rose and her happiness. The intimacy shared between her and her lover. Sharing an instant connection between unlikely strangers. Bonding so strongly despite long distances. Secrets whispered to only one person, the one single, special person whose soul was half your own. 

She longed for such a deep connection. Why wasn’t hers so instant with Ben? There were sparks and longing. Rey thought back to the text conversion she had shared with him when she only knew him as Kylo at the time. He had made himself vulnerable to her then, but what about now? Did they have a strong enough connection? Was it the same as what had bloomed between Rose and Armitage? 

Rey stared at the same constellation of ceiling imperfections that she had already memorized time and again. Her mind felt blank but glutted. Glutted with questions, blank with answers. A tear rolled down one side of her face.

Behind her closed eyes, Rey saw the face of the young, happy man who had adopted her. She shuddered as his face morphed and twisted with grief and bitterness. She had been but a passenger on the gruesome trek of Unkar’s heartbreak. From tops his shoulders, laughing, her pigtails ticking the sides of her face at the state fair, to the bane of his existence, the root of all woe and sorrow. That’s what happens when people don’t deal with things. When they suppress things. A fermenting bottle can only stay lidded so long before it explodes, and Ben was clearly bubbling with grief on the inside. She couldn’t let this happen to him. She wanted better for him. She wanted better for herself. 

With a cleansing breath, Rey let go of the past and absorbed the hope of a different future. Ben wasn’t Unkar. She wasn’t that helpless little girl anymore. There was a chance for a better outcome. By God, she was going to take that chance.

Her phone buzzed on the table next to her.

**Ben: Hey Rey. I’m coming early for the funeral. I’d like to spend some time with you.**

Rey clutched the phone to her chest and heaved a deep sigh full of affection and relief. It was going to be okay. They may not be like Rose and Armitage yet, but they still could be.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone catch the Splashdown a few weeks ago? I cried like a baby when the parachutes opened. Maybe one day I'll catch one of those launches in Cocoa Beach. 
> 
> I need comments and encouragement to get back in the game here, guys. I feel needy asking for this, but I will anyway. Comments really are fuel. Tell me what you think, what you like, your favorite part, etc. Tell me how you're handling the COVID stuffs. I want to hear about who your favorite characters are and what you like about them. Give me ideas and predictions. 
> 
> Just tell me things.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thanks to my beta, BasicAliments. You guys truly don't know the stupid grammar things my brain comes up with. She makes me look smarter than I am. 
> 
> I appreciate everyone's encouraging comments. It was a lifeline that kept me writing this chapter. There were so many times I didn't feel up to it, but then a friendly comment in my inbox to breathe new life into. ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> I hope to have another chapter up next month. I wish I could update more frequently, but life is crazy hectic for me.

**"I Wish Were the Moon"**

**by Jesse Stillwater**

_ A Sky without Moonbeams _

_ Is like a world without song _

_ It takes a certain darkness  _

_ To heed a Sky full of Stars alone _

**  
  
**

_ I wish I were Moonstruck _

_ A fate I crave to behold _

_ Waxing and Waning _

_ Rising ― Changing  _

_ A distant ocean’s ebbing tide _

**  
  
**

**.............**

**Rey: Looks like I’ll be bringing Ben to our little get-to-know-you party too!**

**Finn: Ben is coming into town too?!?!**

**Poe: I’ll fight him for your hand! To the death!**

**Rose: That’s wonderful, Rey!**

**Rey: Poe, you’re so weird. Sometimes I just can’t even with you.**

**Finn: We already have several games planned**

**Poe: And food. We have good food planned.**

**Rose: I’m excited we’ll get to have both our guys meet everyone!**

**Rey: Yeah, it’s for the funeral of the astronomy professor I’ve been helping coordinate meals for all week. He’s in town for that.**

**Rose: So weird that both our guys are in town at the time for the same reason.**

**Rey: Yeah, that is weird**

**Poe: Wow. You two know how to pick ‘em. So morbid.**

**FInn: This isn’t some weird zombie movie, right?**

…………..

Ben rested in the pilot seat of his propeller plane, flipping switches and readying himself for a long flight to Jacksonville. In the co-pilot seat Hux reclined back, arms crossed, exuding disdain. 

“Ready?” Ben gazed briefly at Hux, seeking affirmation. Hux, who was unwilling to deign a verbal response, instead, lifted a single eyebrow. Ben dismissed the obvious disapproval and turned the ignition. 

There was a brief sputtering, a low hum as the engine roared to life. The propeller began to spin, followed by a horrifying series of clicks and clanks. The bungling metallic noises gradually slowed until finally ending with a grinding halt. The two men stared at the scanty equipment simultaneously.

“You’ve got to be joking,” Hux said, his condescension palpable in his tone.

Ben sighed and pushed open his door with a resigned heave, ignoring Hux’s remark. He lifted the engine panel and inspected it. It was a futile, desperate effort; he knew nothing about repairing this treacherous, fickle, pathetic excuse of a-

“You, boy!” A gruff voice pulled his attention away. Peter Mayhew hobbled towards him on his cane. 

Ben rubbed his hand across his stubbled chin, feeling like a child. “It’s probably that hyperdrive again. Same symptoms as last time.”

“Hyperdrive?!” Hux had disembarked the plane and joined the caucus at the exposed engine. 

Ben could feel the crease form in his forehead as he braced himself for an onslaught of pretentious harassment and sardonic ridicule.

“Benny-Boy, I’m sorry.” Peter clicked his tongue before continuing. “I can fix her up, but she won’t be ready for at least a few days. Maybe more if I don’t have the parts.” 

Hux looked on with his arms crossed once again, shifting his weight from foot to foot, a wry expression on his face.

“Dang it!” Ben ground his teeth and kicked at the grass. “It’s always the hyperdrive.”

“What are you blathering on about? There is no hyperdrive.” Hux scoffed.

Ben just stared at the grass under his feet, barely stopping himself from chewing his thumbnail. He wasn’t in the mood to argue with a ginger hothead who knew nothing about airplanes. “Shut up, Hux.” He muttered, then turned to unpack the luggage from the craft. Hux followed on his heels. Ben seethed as he tossed bag after bag onto the ground behind him. “Before jettisoning all our luggage from the aircraft, care to explain what is actually going on and in what universe you would think there is such a thing as a hyperdrive on an airplane? What will it be next, Doc Emmett Brown? The flux capacitor?” 

“Can you just back off a minute and quit breathing down my neck!” Ben snapped without turning around. Like a sulky teenager, Ben studied his own shoes, biting his thumbnail and trying to suppress the irrational, infantile impulse to scream and break things. His attempt to think as a rational adult failed. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, I can think of several things-”

“I’m sure you can.” Ben’s tone was cutting.

“First of all, your plane sucks, and I can’t believe I was about to let you fly me across the country in this piece of junk. Next, it’s obviously not the hyperdrive!-” Hux’s face grew red and he gestured wildly with his hands- “Why would you even think-”

Ben stepped forward and glared at him menacingly, and Hux wisely snapped his mouth shut mid-sentence. Gathering his bags, Ben trudged toward his truck, his neck and face burning. The only reasonable solution he could think of was to drive to Florida. It would take twice as long, so he wouldn’t get as much time with Rey. He tossed his bags into the truck bed and leaned his head against the window. The cool glass quelled his raging emotions, allowing rational thought to seep back in. 

A deal with Hux had been negotiated to close the department so he wouldn’t have to worry about assignments for his classes this week. What sort of nonsense would he have to deal with from Hux now that it would be impossible for him to keep up his end of the bargain? How would Rey react? He ran his fingers through his ebony hair and looked to the sky, knowing it would be void of answers. Delaying the inevitable conversation with Hux would benefit nothing. Might as well get it over with.

He returned to the plane where a vibrantly animated conversation between the ginger and the giant abruptly ended, and he was greeted by suspiciously innocent faces. 

“What’s going on?” He asked slowly, his wariness on full display. 

There was a brief bout of awkward silence before it was broken by Peter. “I was just explaining to this uppity professor you brought ‘round here what a hyperdrive is, how it works, and what causes it to be so fickle on these here older planes.” Peter reached above his head and patted the hull of the plane. His affectionate display rang out with deep, metallic echoes. Hux’s face wavered between amusement and sincerity. Something was amiss, but Ben couldn’t put his finger on it. Whatever it was, did matter. He needed to settle this.

“I’m sorry about all this mess, Hux. Obviously, I can’t uphold my end of our deal.”

“It’s no problem.” Hux coughed into his hand suddenly, turning his face away from Ben. He lurched suddenly towards his bags on the ground, as though they were in need of urgent attention. “I’ll just grab my own flight on a commercial jet-” he began fidgeting with zippers and straps, “-and we’ll still keep the department closed as though nothing has changed.” He stilled his hands and met Ben’s eyes, his face now schooled into its normal demeanor. “How do you plan to get to Florida?”

“I’ll just drive my truck down.” Ben, still perplexed by the ever-increasing capriciousness of Hux’s moods, leaned against the plane. There was no understanding the ginger. He relaxed a bit, now that Hux’s manner had resumed its typical detached, haughty disposition. “Now that I think about it, driving down there will probably be better. I had originally planned to stay with Ben Kenobi, but if I have my truck with me, I can just camp in the bed of it at a campsite.”

Hux offered a slight nod as he stood to his full height and stuck out his hand. Ben looked at his hand scornfully. 

“Does everything have to be so formal with you?” 

Hux sighed and withdrew his hand. “There is nothing wrong with carrying one’s self with a sense of decorum and poise. People take me seriously because I take myself seriously.” He straightened his shirt ceremoniously.

Ben pushed off from the side of the plane and walked away while Hux spoke, waving his hand in the air instead of accepting the unnecessary handshake. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

………………………..

  
  


Piles of papers littered her cluttered table while Rey scribbled notes on a notepad, phone held against her face with her shoulder. “That would be great. This will mean so much to the family.” She shuffled the notepad to the side and pulled her laptop across the table. Sorting through her tabs until she found the one for _ Meal Train _ , she typed in data while the slightly emotional, aged voice poured out her deepest sympathies. When there was finally a pause, Rey continued her condolences. “It is heartbreaking. The world will never be the same without Dr. Reynolds.” Rey agreed with deep sincerity as she quickly entered the data, filling in the last hole in her schedule and ending the call.

Her heart was heavy. Life would continue without Dr. Reynolds, but it would be all the lesser for it. Rey had no words but those exhausted already by standard cliches. Because words failed her, she worked tirelessly and diligently to express her sympathies in the only way she could find: service and action.

Rey had launched a meal campaign to support the family for the next month with home-cooked meals from a host of friends and family, and she spearheaded a campaign to raise funds for the family to help with funeral expenses. She didn’t cry. She couldn’t. Instead of feeling grief, she worked to help instead. Crying would come later. Once the poignancy of grief had dulled for all others, only then would she let herself be weak and face her own bereavement.

As she hung up the phone, her meal planning complete, she leaned back in the chair and let out a deep breath. Like the shifting tide of water across her bare feet at the beach, Rey sensed a change in herself. She stood up abruptly and busied herself about the house. Trivial, menial tasks. Wiping down the sides of the refrigerator, organizing that random ‘catch-all’ drawer, reconstructing her sewing notions system. Anything and everything she could find to keep busy. 

It was while she was surrounded by a sea of colorful buttons and ribbons that her phone began to sing “Please Mr. Kennedy.” 

“That’s unexpected,” Rey announced to the emptiness of the apartment. Ben was supposed to be on his airplane right now, flying to see her. She was to pick him up from a small private airport about twenty minutes from her home tonight. So why was he calling her now? 

“Hey, Ben. Is everything okay?” Rey stood and paced the small room, the only feasible outlet for the rush of nervous energy.

A deep sigh was his only response.

“Ben? Talk to me, babe.”

“My plane broke down. I’m having to drive in. I won’t be there as early as I was planning to be.” Another sigh bled through the phone. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I was really looking forward to spending extra time with you.” 

“Oh, honey. It’s okay. I mean, it’s really disappointing, but I know you can’t help it. It’s no one’s fault.”

“No, it is mine. I should have taken her on a test flight as soon as I planned to fly down there to make sure she was in good working order. I just felt like something was going to work out for me, for once. I should have known to expect one disaster after another.”

Rey stopped dead in her tracks. Expecting disaster? What did he mean by that? To expect everything to always be in one’s control was highly unrealistic. What a way to put unnecessary pressure and stress on yourself. Rey started to open her mouth to express concern but closed it before she opened a proverbial can of worms. It was immaterial at this point. This probably wasn’t the best time to psychoanalyze him. “I hate that we will get less time together, but I’m not upset at you.” She said quietly into the phone, trying to soothe his raw emotions. 

“I appreciate that.” 

“You’re not driving straight through, are you? How long of a drive is that?” She recommenced the pacing, worried about him pushing himself too hard.

“I’ll pull over if I get too tired. It’s not a big deal. I camp out in the bed of my truck all the time. I have a special tent for it and everything. Speaking of which, since I’ll have my truck with me, I plan to stay at a campsite while I’m in town instead of staying with Kenobi. I’m not really close to him and it’ll be less awkward this way.” 

Rey nodded before remembering that he couldn’t see her response. She cleared her throat. “Yeah, that sounds nice. Will you be in town for the get together we planned? My friends are really excited to meet you.”

“I should be...as long as nothing categorically stupid happens on the way. It’s a long drive so there’s a degree of unpredictability there, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Awesome. Are you planning to camp out at Hanna Park, where NEFAS has their events?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead yet, but that actually sounds like a good idea. Have you ever stayed there before? Is it nice? Most importantly, do they have good showers?”

I’ve never been camping at all before actually. Not anywhere. I don’t even understand what the appeal of it would be.” Rey laughed to herself softly. “Air conditioning in Florida is a sacred thing. I’m not okay sleeping without it.”

Ben sighed. “I don’t know if there’s anything better in the world than watching wood burn in the woods with the stars alight overhead. They make fans and such to make it more comfortable. Also staying at a beach campsite means there’s a constant breeze. You can sleep with the tent fly off of the top and fall asleep staring at the stars.”

“That actually sounds much better. I guess I was thinking it would be something like sleeping in a sauna with a thousand mosquitoes while hiding from ‘Florida Man.’”

“Florida Man?” Ben’s puzzlement was clear from his tone.

“Yeah! Florida man. You haven't ever heard of Florida man?”

“Not at all.” He paused between each word.

Rey relished the apprehension in his tone as she readied herself for an exuberant telling of the infamous Florida Man. What a grand distraction she had found!

“Okay!” She plopped down on her used sofa, swiveled around, and threw her feet over the back of it, her head hanging off the seat. “Because there are so many tourists in Florida, anytime anyone does something so categorically stupid that it makes headlines, they identify the offender as either a native or a tourist. ‘Ohio man bitten by alligator while vacationing at Disney.’ Do you see where this is going yet?”

“So... if someone who lives in Florida does something really stupid-”

“You got it!” Rey interrupted gleefully. “Here let me pull up some fun ones for you. There’s actually a blog post out there that links news articles published to every day of the year. Here. Let me look up your birthday.” Rey whirled around and popped up off her sofa. She bounded to her laptop like a deer through the forest. Opening her laptop, she found the article.

“Here it is. ‘A Year in the Life of Florida Man.’” She cackled as she strolled through the nonsense to Ben’s birthday. “‘Accused Florida Butt Injector Appears To Have Tried Her Own Product.’” Rey laughed and then continued. “The next one is even better! ‘Florida Man Catches Shark That Bit Him, Pledges To Eat It.’ Can you believe this!? Such a wonderful black hole to the internet to fall into.” 

A deep-toned chuckle resonated from the phone and Rey’s chest warmed. She loved his carefree laugh. Dr. Reynolds' passing had jarred Ben, relapsing him back into mourning. Though it had only been a week-long of melancholy, it had felt like she hadn’t heard him laugh in a blue moon. She gladly entertained him most of the day while he drove. She couldn't wait to be in his arms again, even if the occasion was a bleak one.

  
  



End file.
